Emotional pain.  Heart pain.  Feeling I have no purpose anymore for being part of this whatever it is.  Ascension?  Who knows.  Having received no donations and all requests to find someone to help me with this site marketing and monetizing going absolutely nowhere (which I do not get as I was GUIDED/lead to create this site, I have absolutely no “feel” for what step next to take.  Nothing feels right.  I feel like Kevin Costner’s character in Field of Dreams where he goes against what is practical and builds that beautiful baseball field, putting his family, his finances, his home and land in jeopardy, on the brink of losing it all.  He demands “what’s in it for me?  I’ve done all I’ve been told (guided) to do!”

I am right there, right now.

I am tired.  Broke.  Out of ideas.  Sitting here with this feeling of emptiness.

Focusing on creating that my next step IS out of a hollywood movie with a beautiful ending, next step.

 

you will have to forgive the all lowercase tonight.  too detached to be concerned about proper pronunciation.  lol

so today i woke up feeling achy again after another night of also awakening at 3:30am. did i already mention that in my schumann piece earlier today?  maybe i did.  obviously the short-term memory issue continues.  well anyway, another night of being wide awake at 3:30am. and hot. stuffy…even though it was in the 40’s last night.  i simply had to get up and move in my own space.

we have a shower that until today i would describe as “large”.  it is – at least 3x larger than the standard shower stall.  today though?  it was suddenly too small for me.  is it shrinking or am i expanding?  yeah i know the answer to that.  new experience for me – the shower being too small. my mate said he is feeling the same about it.  we also have a king size bed. it’s too small to share.  even our kitchen, the biggest room in the house, is too small for me to share.  i feel like i am literally stretching and expanding.  a huge growth spurt.  explains the ongoing achy pain stuff and the fatigue that is relentless at the moment.

and yet there are also the beautiful moments of pure bliss and serenity.  i am having some unbelievably beautiful connections with others these days.  today it happened everywhere i went.  eye contact.  pure heart sharing.  i can see the light in other’s eyes.  radiating from their hearts and smiles.  this is indeed happening and it is affecting us all and for most, the effects are beautiful.  it’s as though the truth of who we each are is making itself known.  including a neighbor of mine who does not like me.  i never felt at ease around her.  we had a conversation shortly after we moved to this neighborhood.  the topic was homeless people.  her belief was people who are homeless are lazy.  so yeah, not in alignment with me so she not liking me is no big deal.  however lately i have been running into her and i know it is for me to face my discomfort i have around her, heal from it, forgive myself and her AND meet her from my heart space.

which is what i chose to do today.

i greeted her with a smile and gave her thanks for something she had done that had inadvertently had a nice impact on my life and in particular, my daughter’s.  the scowl on her face never left (it never does).  she pursed her lips together and spoke a few words.  i agreed with her words and she said nothing further as she walked away.

what surprised me was how authentic i felt.  i was completely in my own energy space, unattached to her reaction.  and the most beautiful part – i truly wished her nothing but love.  i wished her well.  it was a very lovely experience.  well, at least for me that is.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]

emotional outbursts continue now and then.  now when i suppress anything and i mean anything, it can show up quickly in my body as stiffness, achy sensations, itchy skin and the need to spit.  i watched a video by victor otto on youtube earlier and he speaks of these emotional outbursts many of us are having.  if you feel so drawn, check him out and his insights on dealing with these experiences here.  some evenings i seem to live on my yoga mat.  at times on my walks i have had the urge to march – to really move my legs.  i have learned that using our big muscles is very useful when moving deeply held, powerful energies arising from old pains and trauma’s.  earlier today i suddenly began to cry.  i had no idea why and still don’t.  i just went with it.  allowed for the experience.

allowing.  that’s about all we can do these days isn’t it?  surrender and allow.

aaahhh.

wishing you all well~

victoria

 

 

                                           

 

There is a reason I have used several pictures in this piece.  It is to represent the concept that There Is No One Truth.

I have come to this conclusion after doing some pondering and inner reflection on the idea.  I know indeed when something resonates with me inside, the energy is solid and unwavering.  I simply KNOW what feels right – to Me.

After listening to another QHHT session, where I heard someone share their insights on Ascension and New Earth and our history, I found some things resonated and some didn’t.  I realized in that moment when I heard something that did not resonate with me, I began to feel doubt as to my own Truth.  I then realized when I do feel this doubt, how easily I give my power away. Simply because someone has a different version of Truth does not mean mine is not valid and nor does it mean this other being’s version is not equally as valid.

It’s like being at a buffet with a large group of people.  Not everyone will eat the same dishes.

I feel what is happening at the moment (and I was just called to look at the clock – 4:44) is that these incoming energies are allowing us a much easier opportunity to truly create the reality we want.  Certainly we all can see the limits that have been put in place to allow us such freedom.  For example, we can see how we have been under a system of monetary control and a cycle of karmic reincarnation.

And this is shared with no judgement.  If this is the way(s) people desire to live and experience, a Truth which works for and resonates with them, that is ok.  I happen to resonate with another version of reality.  I also realize I may have agreed to BE a part of these versions of reality that today, I no longer wish to participate in.

I believe there are a multitude of “new earth” experiences we will be able to “choose” from – depending upon our vibrational frequency which is based on what we desire and hold as Truth.  This is just another step in our journey, another experience in which we are now FULLY FREE to choose because the restraints are being removed, for lack of a better description.

Therefore, it is time we all honor one another’s Truth.  What is false to you may be true for me.  What is true for me may be false for you. As I sit here in more reflection and think about how different our truths often are just on the topics of Ascension and our History, a small voice within says “they are all true”.

Wow.

Embracing this concept, we no longer need to convince someone of our Truth nor do we need to participate in the games of boundary violation and imposing our will upon another.  These are games we have all played. I have become a pretty good expert at them in this life carnation cycle.

And yet I wish to let it go for it serves me no purpose.  I am here to create my own experience and in doing so authentically, when I am focused solely within, I am naturally inclined to allow for others to do the same.

And in another moment of synchronicity, I have an article I will be linking by Vera Ingeborg, which showed up in my inbox this morning.  She discusses this concept of there being no one truth.  Very cool… as I awoke this morning thinking I needed to hear something from Vera and Diane Canfield.  I was needing their words of wisdom and it had been awhile since I had received anything from them.  Today, my inbox contained pieces from both of them.

It’s all good.  And I wish ALL of you peace and send you energies of support as you each traverse and create your own experiences, based on your own Truths.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]

Victoria

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Awesome people ~ thank you for reading and thank you for supporting my work.  Feel free to share with others.

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