I have an issue I don’t talk about much. Call it embarrassment, call it shame, I just don’t share it much with others.
And yet it plagues me every day and has, off and on, since I was in my early 20’s.
My issue is agoraphobia. A term that still seems vague to me as my issue with it is complex. In a nutshell, I get feelings of panic and claustrophobia in certain situations. In crowds. Driving too far from my home. Driving in traffic. Freeways. Being in the car even as a frickin’ passenger now has become a huge challenge. Basically in ANY situation where I suddenly feel trapped and not in control (possibilities include: in line, other people’s houses, stores – anyplace outside of my home – i say “possibilities” because this is not a CONSTANT thing – it varies, depending upon time of day, how i am feeling – and yet even if I can partake of such normal activities without panic, it is always in the back of my mind “you may have a panic episode”). Throw in all of the extra stimulation’s of noise and light and too many people and activity, that just adds to the claustrophobic/GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE feeling.
It feels like I have this unwanted energy ball attached to me. And I want is GONE. Here is what I have tried to alleviate me of this issue:
- Rapid eye therapy
- Holographic repatterning
- Cognitive behavior therapy
- Somatic Therapy
- Exposure therapy
- Pleading praying and more pleading and praying
You get the picture. I have tried it. And I don’t know what else to do for it at this point. I had it under control – in remission you could say – about 20 years ago. At the time I used exposure therapy and pure will power. Lasted for several years. Without going into detail, stress and trauma’s and general feelings of unhappiness/lack of purpose lead to it to flare up where it has remained. The fact that the issue reappeared showed I never had it fully healed to begin with (when I thought I did).
Is past-life experiences a part of this? Likely, yes.
I realize self-talk is important. I realize good nutrition, exercise and the like – equally important. Sense of purpose. Love and Support (I have needed much more of that).
So I am asking you – my readers – for ideas. For help. Suggestions. Support. Please private message me here.
I am so ready to shine “out there” and not just through a computer screen from the comfort of my home. I am so ready to share All Of ME and my gifts with the world. I know I have much to offer. It is time. And I need help getting there.
Thank you and much love and blessings. ♥
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