I read a piece tonight that says the Core Wound in us all is Separation. Our Separation from Source Creator. (it’s a long piece, btw – about halfway down it speaks of this core wound – also very interesting thoughts on new earth – much in alignment w/my own – a good read)
I felt that today. Felt that separation.
As those of you who read my piece “Hurting” know (and thank you for those who did read it without judgement), I was feeling some serious stuff. The vulnerable things. Abandonment. Needing love. Support. Attention. Validation. And yes, money too although it was more about what I stated previous.
Even though I openly express my feelings on this page, at times sounding wise, other times more like a scared, angry small child, I do take time to reflect. Who wants to stay stuck in the mode of pain? Not me!
Well, not for long that is.
So I spent most of the day crying. Getting angry. Then crying again. Then got to the point of writing it all out where I reached a point where I had no choice but to surrender so the wisdom could follow. The Truth.
I feel alone. Now, I have thought about this concept and felt a little bit of it here and there but today? I felt the totality of it. I suddenly felt completely alone. Oh god, that was painful to feel. Horribly painful. Gonna have to take that one in pieces.
I was in the bathroom taking out a load of laundry from the dryer when this little beauty overcame me. Caught me by surprise, how strong it was actually. “But wait, I’ve already dealt with this. I KNOW I feel alone.” But I had to do more than just KNOW. I had to feel.
Today, I peeled back a big layer.
Yes, I am under no illusion I totally transformed the core one. I know it has more layers and many tentacles that bring forth and touch all of my issues. (Can we have another word for issues please? Any thoughts? It seems too cliche at this point.) But I know without a doubt I finally reached it. And given the moment of synchronicity tonight reading that piece that spoke those little words ~ that is the core issue for all of us is the pain and fear of being separate from Source.
Which has me thinking. I have heard over and over from those in the spiritual community that this separation is an illusion.
And yet is it?
Isn’t it possible that it is both Truth AND illusion?
Certainly this controlled matrix, lower-frequency earth has certainly kept us unconscious and thus trapped, away from our full Awareness of Source, right?
Perhaps it’s like the concept of freedom. There is no little bit of freedom. You are either free or you aren’t. Maybe Awareness of Source is like that.
I look at it like a child who is taken from the parents only to be placed in a reality that is often scary, where the child is expected to behave in ways that are contrary to whom they are. The LOVE of the parents is always there, always resonating out to the child. But the new construct in which the child resides makes feeling that love more difficult with each experience until the child is left feeling absolutely abandoned and completely alone.
Not that we are children. And not that we are separate from Source as we ARE Source. However, separation was part of the control matrix creation. As Souls, we are simply accustomed, if you will, to being in Unity. We knew of no other experience. And while I am still not fully aware of or knowing of the story behind this separation, I do know, I do feel, this separation in my body. And I know it has been a very long “time”, hundreds if not thousands of lifetimes of this separation.
And my intention is to return to this state of Unity by remembering fully Who I Am and healing those painful energies of separation.
And perhaps, like the beautiful scene in the movie Contact where Jodie Foster is communicating with the other-dimensional being, manifested in the form of her father, what makes the loneliness bearable is one another. This means sharing our vulnerabilities. Sharing that pain and fear of separation with one another.
So sharing my words earlier today (where I hesitated for quite awhile before posting them ~ the vulnerability and concern/fear what others may think about me issues rearing their heads) set about a motion that lead me to this insight.
And for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for hanging in there with me as I navigate this ride.