Well another day where I have been off about the calendar day. Each day has a “feeling” to me and this one felt like Friday just as yesterday felt like Thursday. The calendar ~ well SOME calendar as I somehow lost the one in our kitchen and have made no attempt to replace it or look for it ~ says Thursday. I’m still sticking by my “today is Friday” though. In perhaps the New Reality.
The Schumann Spiking today and corresponding energies had me thinking about returning to my Original Self ~ the one who I was before I experienced trauma’s, made some decisions that were not in my Highest or best interest. The girl, the Being within the woman who is trusting, deeply kind and compassionate, giggly and silly and even naive in some ways. Today I was hit hard again by how much I miss her. I don’t like this apathetic, doubting, distrustful person I have become over the years. This is NOT WHO I AM. It happened slowly. I really didn’t even notice it. Which is why I didn’t notice it until much later.
I want her to come home again. I want her to come out and play again. Embrace the world again. Embrace life. Adult Wise Woman there when needed or necessary.
Along these lines I received some help in this area this week.
We have new neighbors, very close to our home, who also have a little girl. Our girl and their girl have played together several times already. The joy it is bringing me watching these two girls play is growing. Expanding in my heart. It is bringing me such pure joy in seeing my girl so happy. There has not been a girl her age in this neighborhood since we moved here and oh how we have intended – both of us – for a girl her age to move in. Just one week ago, at the end of the rope was I in trying to arrange play dates with other parents. Block after block kept falling in place until I said I had to let it go and Surrender. Trust. Allow that the Universe would provide an answer to the intentions of both myself and my girl for the right child for her to play with. Be besties with.
One week ago this was.
And now today we have created this, manifested such a situation. A perfect situation. I don’t know who is more excited over this – me or my girl. Slumber parties. Giggles. Dress-up. Barbies.
And while I am receiving a gift in expanding my joy again, opening up my heart in new ways in observing the happiness in my daughter, I am also receiving a gift through my interactions with the mother. She radiates kindness, maternal softness, joyful enthusiasm. In the past I would likely have pushed the experience away. But today I find myself savoring it. As we spoke about the city north of here ~ where we both lived and hung out at the same or similar places ~ I could feel my inner girl being return. Excitement building. A few times we both giggled and got excited ~ just as I did when I was younger.
IT WAS AWESOME!
It hit me quite hard how powerful this was for me. How healing it was for me. This gift from the Universe is not just about my daughter. It is also about her mama.
At this point, whatever my Higher Self and Source send my way to heal, I welcome for nothing is more important to me than that I release all of the stuff that has kept me from Being Who I Really Am.