The Importance of Discernment

 

I almost put up a channeled piece but decided to look more into this individual and the history of their work.  Just as I thought, as is often the case, some if not many of these channeled works have been repeating the same messages going back yearS (big plural “s” is needed here).  This particular individual put out a piece back in early 2009, right after Obama was sworn into office and it was stated that with this new President, the old ways of war and the like would now be coming to an end.  Clear changes in policies, differing from decades past, were to begin.

Really?

Even though under Obama’s watch there were more bombs dropped than in the previous Administrations.  Even though under his administration, we had the expansion of the Constitution/Freedom destroying “Patriot Act” and the “NDAA”.

I remember when Obama was elected and sworn into office.  I knew his charisma and ability to incite an audience, along with the color of his skin (to show how “progressive” politics really is), were the reason he was selected.  I knew he would not be allowed to bring in the changes he spoke of.  I did research to determine who he was bringing with him.  All Washington Insiders.  I already knew of the shadow government and I knew he was not going to bring in sweeping change.  I knew we would continue to see more of the same with some tweaks.  I wasn’t being pessimistic.  Quite the opposite.  I voted for Nadar at the time because I KNEW we needed a D.C. outsider to bring down the system.

So instead, I was being a realist.

To understand this just took someone with the ability to think with an open mind and to partake of research.  I didn’t need to “channel” anything to know this.

I prefer to own my words ~ especially when it comes to sharing my words with the world.  And it brings a level of disappointment when I see those who don’t.

I have the habit now of checking others who post what sound to be otherwise “fantastical” articles such as President Trump signed an Executive Order to release New Technologies when a quick check on his White House website showed no such thing or when I read “The RV is happening tonight”.  When I see their information is in fact disinformation, I call them on it.  Most of the time I am ignored, but I have heard the excuse is that in the world of intel, we sometimes get things wrong.

Get things wrong, yes.  But when sharing such information that has the potential to really uplift a very-much-ready populace, make damn sure that information is factual ~ meaning check your sources.  As my dear friend John used to say, “I triangulate my information before I share it.”

I have always tried to follow his advice ~ which is why I am so particular in what I post here.  I have wanted to post certain things because I knew it would increase readership but opted not to because I could not trust in the information or the source.  Obviously I want a lot of traffic coming here, but I will not compromise my integrity or personal truth in doing so.

When intel/information that is shared turns out to be inaccurate, own it.

Why is that so difficult?

Are these individuals so focused on growing an audience and making money, they will continue to share information that proves inaccurate and not say a word?  Doesn’t that feel like they may be taking advantage of that very-much-ready populace?

If any of you notice that something I share turns out to be inaccurate, please let me know.  Call me on it!  I am EVERY bit as wanting the Truth as are you.  

So in this internet world of “Good News Is Coming Soon” ~ it is so vital you use your discernment.  Your inner voice.  Your truth button.  If there is anything I can honestly, truthfully pass along it is to always always always keep that as your focus.

No matter what fantastical promises are made by the outside world.

(My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here.   Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

 

 

Couch Goddess In Progress

kaPOW energy day.  wow…

how are you lately?

ssshhh….

Baby, Girl, Sleep, Child, Toddler

On Good-Bye’s and Purging

 

Non-Commercial, Colleagues, Hand-Painted

With all of the terminating of soul contracts I have been doing, it should not have surprised me that along with that has come some intense purging.  But surprise me it did.  I had another such experience this morning and this one packed a punch.  As I was crying my insides out, I had these flashes of memories go through my mind of either people or situations that are no longer a part of my reality.  I then thought “you never know when you talk with someone if this is going to be the last time.”  And I’m not necessarily speaking of death.  I’m speaking of those situations where you drift apart from others.  Or say you either get divorced or your parents do.

Each of those interactions has just one last minute.  One last conversation. One last smile.  Or one last tear.

And while I felt the pain of those “last moments”, the memories themselves are either fuzzy or gone altogether.

My childhood friend, who remained a close part of my life until I was in my 30’s.  Then suddenly, we just stopped communicating and visiting.  No good reason other than this just happens at times, especially when one (that would be me) undergoes a lot of change.  I don’t remember the last time we spoke, what was said.  None of it.  I just know the pain came up last night through a dream and then, upon awakening.

My parents divorce when I was in my 20’s.  I don’t remember the last time my family was together – just the 4 of us.  But we did have one last time, we just didn’t stop to think “hey this is the last time before mom and dad stop living together.”  I just don’t remember that last time.  It was, as you can imagine, rather chaotic.  But still we did have just one last time together as a family.  Obviously.  I just haven’t any recollection what we did or what was sad.  Pain purge #2 of the day.

I began to remember other such situations, but having purged quite enough already, I decided to shut down that particular thinking/feeling channel.

Sometimes I wish I had the luxury to just stay in bed or in solitude for a month – be waited on – so I could partake of that level of healing. Certainly it would be a gift to have the $$ means to try out alternative forms of energy healing, past life release and the like.  For now I do the best I can on my own.  Overall, I am doing quite well at it.  Rather empowering, to be honest.

As I cried, the song “Crumblin’ Down” by John Cougar Mellancamp ran through my mind.  The walls, crumblin’ and tumblin’ down.  I could literally feel all that energy, those energy walls, crumble down all around me.  It is quite an appropriate song for such a process many of us are going through.

So before I leave you with the song, I will give you this heads up ~ if you choose to participate in the process of removing those soul contracts, know that it is quite possible if not probable some final purging will be coming up.

One last act of release.

One step closer to Total Freedom.

And that’s what we’re all aiming for, right?

 

(My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here.   Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

Reclaiming Our Power

 

Woman, Jump, Women'S Power, Sexy

How often we give our power away.

Lifetime after lifetime.

We give it away when we react to a situation instead of being the observer and responding.

We give it away when we pray and ask for something.

We give it away when we worship.

We give it away when we call upon arch-angels and other entities and when we channel.

We give it away when we look to another to rescue or save us.

We even give it away when we go see a counselor or healer and say “help me!”

I’ve done all of the above and more.

I continue to do it – in spite of myself at times.

Not that any of this is “bad”.  I’m not trying to cast judgment.  Certainly if I were drowning or trapped under a pile of debris I would welcome help. Or if I have experienced a tragedy and am unable to handle the emotional consequences, of course I will see someone to speak with.

I’m talking more of this overall behavior of seeking help outside of self as a way of living.  We have all been operating this vessel (our bodies) while pretty much driving blindly.

Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back for doing such a damn fine job given our very very limited perception of Who We Really Are.

A growing rumble within is making itself known…

I want to remember Who I Am.  Not just these beliefs I have and my memories but truly – WHO I AM in my Sovereign Form.

And in doing that, ultimately I must listen to ME and ME only.  No other voice.

I give attention TO something outside of myself for truth and answers, I give my power away.

I give my attention TO something outside of myself expecting love or attention or x y z, I give my power away.

I am beginning to hear and feel within that each moment I doubt myself and turn away from Self….I do myself a disservice.

Each time I engage in the behaviors above, I pull myself further away from ME.

I see it as this ball of yarn and I have untangled myself away from it by doing the above for so long, my “ball” seems very far away.

Perhaps that may be why when I hear or allow myself to read something that does not resonate with me, I cringe within and at times, scream without.

I feel weary ~ like I am so close to this finish line of being fully ME and knowing fully ME – I want to rest for a time.

I want to wrap my arms around myself and sit in a quiet room, alone, for as long as it takes, until every bit of energy I have given away for each physical lifetime experience is returned to ME.

This is more than just wanting the memories restored.

This is more than just wanting my super powers restored.

More than my cells to be healed.

More than my DNA to be turned on.

I want it all back.

I want ALL OF ME back.

NO exceptions.

(My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here.   Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

 

Releasing The Binds of False Contracts

 

This week I have attempted to listen to a couple of videos, one regarding past life regression and another with general information on ascension.  I had to stop though after the talk turned to our karmic and soul contracts we made before incarnating on this Earth.  The past life regressionist guided the listener to actually give thanks to the person(s) who caused you trauma, regardless of the trauma and regardless of your age, for we made an agreement w/this individual to experience this pain so that we could learn and grow.  I immediately stopped that video.

To begin with, the idea of contracts has never set well with me, in as much as I have tried to be open this way of thinking.  I have had far too many questions and not nearly enough answers.  Last year I came to the conclusion that, given the archon invasion and alteration of our species, it was THEY who created the system of mandatory reincarnation and contracts and this system was energetically imprinted into us.  My Higher Self tells me clearly Source would never put such stipulations on us.  We are here to experience and create and BE and while we each come here with our own sense of purpose, there are no rules attached to us.  Zero. Zip.  Nada.

I believe it is imperative, if this idea resonates, that we cancel out these agreements.  I have spoken of this previously.  I have spent some time this year releasing myself of these contracts.  This morning, I came up with some new things to add and changed it up a bit in how I expressed myself. I thought I would share what I said and how I said it.

To begin with, I centered myself and used some of my tools to ground myself and feel my Power.  Then I started down my bullet list of contracts I was canceling.

“In this now Moment, I now cancel and permanently destroy all contracts I made about a life of lack.

I now cancel and destroy all contracts I made about being a victim.

I now cancel and destroy all contracts I made about living in poverty.

About being raped and molested.

About being controlled and dominated by any and all people, beings and life situations.

About living with any sort of health issue.

About being used and lied to and manipulated.

About being abandoned and forgotten.

About living with agoraphobia and panic and anxiety and depression and claustrophobia.

On and on I went.

Then I closed it up with stating:  “I am a Sovereign Being.  I am owned by NO person, no entity, no being, no corporation, no government.  I own ME.  I am FREE.  I am Source.  These contracts have now been terminated and destroyed and this is noted in my Akashic records, which belong to ONLY Me and my Higher Self.  NO Being has access to them BUT me.”

And so it is.

♥♥♥

(My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here.   Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

 

 

Ascension Energies and Symptoms ~ A Bit Of Silly

Puppy, Dog, Pet, Pets, Yawn, Yawning

Some of us (yes, me included) often get so serious with all of this Ascension business.  I still don’t know how some seem to know the types of energies and exactly what they are doing.  I just focus on symptoms and have definitely noticed, on the days when the heliplots show strange readings, I often feel like a zombie.  Today was no exception.

Rather than go into detail on that though, I decided to write it up in a way those of us, undergoing the current KAPOW of today, can relate to.

Incoming energies……WOW…..yadda yadda blah blah….body hurts….yadda blah blah…crystalline transformation……..blah yadda blah……..must take nap NOW…..blah blah and yadda yadda…..STARGATE PORTAL yahoooo…..blah blah yadda yadda yadda……me no wanna eat OMG i am FAMISHED….blah blah….electrons and protons and tachyons OH MY………blah blah blah yadda……..O M G will this EVER end???………yadda yadda blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That’s all for tonight beautiful folks.  Over and out!

Victoria

Let’s Talk About Sex

Affection, Boy, Couple, Embrace, Female

It is time to talk about Ascension and sex.

What are the first things that come to your mind when you think about sex?

Why did those images and/or thoughts enter?  How were they created?

Really think on that one.

Depending upon your conditioning and upbringing, sex is one of the most complicated, confusing, hush-hush of all topics.  And yet as we all know, it’s in our face constantly.  On one hand, we are told by the church not to talk about it until we’re married and on the other hand we have the rest of society pushing porn and eroticism and images of air-brushed lies in our face.  We then have the hollywood low vibes who give us their version (limited) view of sex.

If we’re lucky, we know deep within there is something more to this act.

Someone like, say, me!  lol

I say lucky because I do consider myself one of the rare ones who, at a young age (19), began thinking about the top of sex and how there was so much more to it.  I saw a scene from the movie Cocoon that showed one of the “alien” female beings share the lovemaking ways of her species with the human male character.  It was a mutual exchange of energy.

While it was limited in scope, it intrigued me.  I knew deep within that THIS was the real way to engage in sex.  THIS was what it once was and is supposed to be about.  I mentioned it here and there over the years, but never had any interest given back to me in exploring it.  So I chalked it up to another “I don’t belong here” moment.

Given the memories I have had about how life once was on Earth, during the time when we were truly Sovereign and Free, I have come to some conclusions about this sex topic.

*Much of what we see in society today about sex is dark, and at the very least, limited.  Porn.  Advice column’s on the topic.  Church doctrine on the topic.  Sex education in schools.  And humanity’s practice of it.

*Our thoughts on sex are also dark and limited.  Whenever we look at another and lust after them, that is a low vibe.  (Hang in there with me on this one.)  We objectify.  We expect.  We control and dominate.

This was not how we once were.  This darkness was bred into us by the smelly beings who conquered us and altered us.

I have had knowings come to me and have experienced flashbacks of what these beings did to us sexually.  They took the sexual act that we participated in at the time and gave us their way, through mind conditioning and genetic alteration.  They taught the men that females were to be dominated, including sexually.  They taught the men that women were objects, especially when it came to sex.  These dark beings used women for their breeding projects.  I recently had a flashback during a past life regression session of being an unwilling participant in that one. More later on that in another piece.

What’s interesting to me is that NONE of this has come as a surprise to me as I have known, since I “awoke” at 19, that we had it all wrong when it came to sex.  I am very sensitive to people’s energies and have been in tune with the men I have been with over the years and I have to say that in each case, I have sensed in all of them that they viewed me as an object, they expected me to participate in sex w/them and they felt they had that right.  I am not saying any of these men said those very words (well, one or two did), but it was there in their behaviors towards me when it came to sexual relating.  Sometimes subtle, sometimes not.

And then there is what we women have done.  We have continued the pattern by going along with these behaviors.  We tease.  We flirt.  We knowingly flaunt ourselves, parade ourselves, all for men’s “attention”.

In short, we – each of us – LIMIT our connection by playing these games of control and manipulation with our passive-aggressive behavior.

I deeply feel and believe that as we continue our awakening and ascension process, we MUST (and likely, hopefully, will naturally) take a different approach to sex.  We need to go within and remember, if we can, how things once were.  If remembering is not an option, we must be willing to explore sex in a new way.

From my memories and those deep cellular feelings within my body, I have come to believe that the sexual act was one of pure energy exchange. One of the visions I repeatedly have is of the two beings standing or lying together, their third eye chakra’s in alignment.  They bring up that energy within their bodies and share it with one another, controlling and guiding the energy, allowing it to go into the other in ways that are beautiful, sacred, and very mutually agreed upon.  Oh and of course very satisfying! Sometimes the sharing was exchanged between both individuals. Sometimes the energy was shared from one to another.

We once viewed sex as a very sacred act.  Period.  There were no expectations or demands.  We had deep reverence for the act as well as ourselves and one another.  We have lost that.  But I believe that all that was “lost” continues to awaken in each of us.

And it is my wish and intention for myself and others that we awaken to the wonders of sacred sex.  How it was – and how it can be again.

♥♥♥

(My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here.   Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

 

A Little Bedtime Story

Children, Retro, Reading, 1950S Style

Once upon a time there was a civilization on a planet called Earth.  It was a very beautiful, peaceful civilization.  The people were healthy, happy, prosperous.  They had what many today would be called “super powers” but to the people of that time, such abilities were normal.  The skies were clear and blue, the clouds puffy white.  Water ways were pristine, providing clean drinking water for all.  People lived in small communities, grew their own foods and had clean means of powering their homes and their lives.  They spent their days doing whatever they felt called to do from their hearts, for themselves and for one another. They were truly Sovereign, Free people.

Yes, it was a beautiful place.  A beautiful time to be human.

That is until a group of ugly, wicked, greedy dark beings were repelled by how beautiful and peaceful these people were.  For you see, these beings had no connection to love or divinity or freedom or sovereignty.  They worshiped power and control.  Unsightly and ghastly to look at (they also produced a horrid smell), these beings invaded the planet Earth, and using their dark enchanting spells, took over and conquered the Sovereign ones.

Time passed.  Much much time.  At first the Sovereign ones resisted the way of life these dark beings insisted upon.  Money as a means to survive. Competition.  War.  Pollution.  Religion.  Government sponsored education.  Archaic forms of technology used to power and feed at the detriment of the Earth and all of her beautiful Life forms. Sadly, over time, the Sovereign ones evolved to a place where they accepted this way of being as simply how things were.  Slowly, memories of the past faded away.  And they became, simply, the walking dead.

Something happened though.  Call it a miracle.  Call it Divine Grace.  Call it Love.  Slowly, ever so slowly, a person here and there would begin to question his or her surroundings.  This person would begin to question their teachers in their schools.  He would begin to question the things being preached in church.  She would begin to question the phrase that “war is a necessary evil”.  He would begin to scrutinize the practices of government and law enforcement.

Both would begin to ask “why” – on everything.

Slowly, memories of a different way of life would begin to appear.  Call them visions.  Call them past-life recalls.  These people were awakening to how things once were.

And the dark wasn’t prepared for this.  So they tried to step up their game.

“Let’s douse ’em with heavy metals and call it geoengineering,” they said, laughing wickedly (yet with some fear behind that laugh).

“Yeah and let’s make up studies and say vaccines are good for you.  In fact the more the better!” they said, more laughter ensuing.

“I know, I know,” said one rather stupid one, “let’s make up something called herd immunity so that the stupid ones believe that it’s for the people’s GOOD that they get vaccinated!”  Oh, the dark wicked ones liked that one.  (And did you know that rather stupid one received a promotion for that term?)

Ah, but try as they might, the awakening only continued.  The Love within created a spark that spread like wild fire ~ a fire that become impossible to extinguish.

During this time of Transformation, there was a group of people known as the Rainbow Warrior Tribe who came on the scene.  They were intense, passionate, loving, truth-seeking people who, using their Violet Flame, shone the light of truth on all of the bullshit.  A force to be reckoned with, they did not follow the laws of pacifism.  They knew at times force is needed.  They knew being Loving does not always mean being gentle and soft.

The Rainbow Warrior’s were tired of watching the suffering.  They were tired of waiting for the dark to fall.  So they came up with a plan to put an end to the waiting.  Delay certainly did not fit into their vocabulary.

Gathering together throughout the earth, they formed circles around select trees and uniting together in their Powerful Spirit Mind’s and Soul Hearts, using their mighty Purple Flame Swords of Truth, they sent out a collective wave of energy that immediately destroyed all last elements of darkness, of lies, of controlling agenda’s and deception, freeing humanity of its enslavement for once and for all.

The awakening folks immediately felt this shift.  Even though the energy wave was felt by all, the unawakened ones took a bit of time to Remember. And slowly, with the help of the awakened ones, the masses removed their fear energies and began to share their authentic selves as their memories slowly returned.

Thus, a New Life was created on earth.

A New Age.  A Golden Age.

Memories restored, personal power’s remembered and reactivated, human kind united in the energy of Love to create, once again, Paradise on Earth.

Sweet Dreams Earth Humans.

(interested in joining the rainbow warrior tribe?  link on the “contact us” menu.)

♥♥♥

My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here. Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

 

 

 

 

The Dark Side of M O N E Y And The Healers In The Ascension and Spiritual Communities

Smiley, Emoticon, Money, Greed, Funny

Let me get right to it.

Why won’t some of these healers in the ascension communities, the ones who sell healing products and provide spiritual services, often at prices only the elite or well-to-do folks can afford, reconsider their pricing structure?

Why not select say 5 people a month and provide those services for free?

Why not offer a sliding scale fee?  It isn’t as though everyone makes the same levels of income.  I’ve long been deeply bothered that I pay the same price for a gallon of milk as does some elite lawyer living in a mansion on top of the hill in a gated community.

SO WRONG.  So unevolved.  So contrary to any and all progressive movements I see going on in my community.

I get particularly perturbed when I see others share their services on youtube videos and the like and speak of the horrors of things like glysophate in the water and air, chemtrails in the water and air – essentially poisons being sprayed on us against our will and control – and say we need to give their products a chance if we wish to heal – or survive. If I had such a healing product I created or method that would help save the populace from such horrors, I would make DAMN sure my product reached as many people as possible – regardless of their ability to pay.  I would at the very least do as I mentioned above.  Do some pro bono and offer sliding scale fee or do a donation option.

Same if I had some magical energy ability to heal people.  I have asked for it.  Many times.

If I am granted this ability by my Higher Self, you can be sure I will make sure I heal as many people as possible.

Isn’t that what we are here for?  To help as many as possible with our gifts?

Why is it then ridiculous prices are charged?  I mean seriously – $125/hour?  $150/hour?  $300 for this product and that?

Don’t these folks know they drive away a lot of people – people who are every bit as worthy as healing as the more well-to-do folks they serve? ALL DUE TO MONEY.  Do they even care?  Do they even stop to think perhaps they could change the monetary charge – change it up a bit – to reach more folks?

 

I frankly expect more out of them.

We all should.

It’s time.

My dear readers ~ I would like to make an appeal to you. I would like you to consider making a donation to show you support my work, by clicking on the donate link at the top of this piece.  I do this to share my passion of writing, sharing my truth while being a voice in the Ascension and Awakening Process as well as a means of making an income to support my family. You can also help by purchasing my book, Live To Impress Yourself ~ An Interactive Journal available by clicking here. Please visit me on facebook too!  I sincerely thank you for your support!)
***You may share my personally written articles found under the Daily Notes menu as long as you do not alter the original content, you include my name, and provide the link to the original article as found on this site.  Thank you!

The Questions Keep Coming…

Sparrow, Bird, Birdie, Cute, Nature

Well, how ya’ll doing today?  I had a very long night of essentially no sleep.  My mate, who has a chronic illness, was up very sick all night.  Not sure if it’s part of his illness or something separate.  With these things happening off and on for so many years, you get used to it.  Sort it. Likely just numb.  However, the lack of sleep is something I am particularly sensitive to.  It seems to allow all of my “stuff” to come up that much easier.  Therefore, I have been extra sensitive and quite emotional today. As it does on most days when I am occupied with tending to needs of a child and house and, depending on the day, mate, I tend to not pay attention to my inner chatter until meltdown.

I had one of those today.

Earlier in the day I read a piece online about how our Soul places us here (here meaning our current situation) in order to learn.  Try as we might to change our situation, we aren’t gonna budge until we get this often elusive “it”.

I read that and thought “WTF?”  Seriously – W T F.

Who is in charge?

My Higher Self?  Human me?

Aren’t we supposed to be working together as a TEAM?

Why do I read words that tell us we must surrender to Higher Self…release all of the ego stuff (which if I put together the pieces I have read on the the behaviors of the ego would mean 95% of our totality, give or take)…

…only to go on and read the next piece that tells us it is our Human Self that must make the choices, take the action.

So which is it?

Am I missing something?

So my Higher Self is ignoring MY WORDS then – MY INTENTIONS – ignoring the words I am sending It to create x y z because I need to learn yet another lesson?

I AM TIRED OF THIS CYCLE.

Is it possible I can beat it?  I’m pretty cunning when need be.

Is it possible it is just more duality-based matrix speak?

I had quite the conversation with my High Self earlier as a result.  Of course it was one-sided as I couldn’t hear a damn thing coming from her.

A pretty typical experience, especially lately.

Am I the only one not hearing this piece of us that is Eternal?

Later in the day, unable to keep my eyes open, I took a nap and awoke in distress.

It is difficult for me to form close emotional connections with people.  I always thought I knew why but today I received a deeper piece.  After only Source knows how many lifetimes I have been forced to experience in this dimension, I have lost many Souls.  I feel I have lost my Tribe of eons ago and keep encountering people who don’t resonate with me.  I get that.

It’s like a part of me knows if I allow myself to get close with someone, I know within upon my death or theirs, we will likely be separated and unable to see/reconnect for hundreds if not thousands earthly years…reincarnations.

So there is that part of me that says “don’t”.  Don’t connect.  Don’t bond. Don’t get close.  Which is likely why I have tended to settle for the superficial crap, being a magnet for people who won’t be reliable, who won’t really appreciate or value me.  And then yes, have wondered “why” when I experience abandonment.

Duh Victoria.

Only to repeat it again.

I must stop this trend.  And part of that includes grieving over the endless reincarnation cycle I was once trapped in.  But no longer.

Onto another subject.  I wonder how many of you have had this thought. There are some very beautiful, eloquent pieces on this Ascension process, some written by people who obviously have their stuff together.  They are far more balanced, healed and seemingly more ready to Ascend than me.

I have lately wondered why that is.  Have they had less reincarnation cycles?  Maybe they have had a better pick of families upon entering this realm (although I wonder as to the authenticity of that choice given it’s been part of a controlled system so do we really have much OF a choice as to what families we enter?  I’m rethinking that one as well but that is too much for my mind to handle at the moment.)  Perhaps this is their first incarnation cycle on earth and they have come here from another timeline or dimension to assist, a timeline/dimension that is much more evolved and peaceful, therefore they have far less earthly pain to release.

Or are they full of shit?  lol

You know what I mean.  The type who advertise on dating sites they want mates who have no baggage but end up having the biggest suitcase.

I really want to know.

Sigh…

I am the perpetual seeker, always wanting to know WHY on everything.

So how did I even start this piece?

I don’t know.  I always have some clever ending.  Today though, that’s just not happening.  Lack of sleep has done me in as has more stuff coming up for assessment, understanding, healing.

Time to go bond and play with the one little person who has my heart. For that, I am blessed!

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