I’m sure I could save myself some unnecessary anger, frustration and toddler-induced tantrums by learning to Trust in the flow and let things unfold as they need to, even if nothing makes sense in the moment of angst.
As I shared last night, yesterday’s meeting did not go as I had hoped for. I was really feeling the brunt of that this morning. The years of disappointment. The honest efforts I have made over the years to share my talents with the world and be successful with it only to experience this sense of “the world doesn’t want me”. This morphed into “maybe the Universe doesn’t want me either.”
That pain of not being seen nor wanted. Oh wow ~ that is a deep one, isn’t it? Not being wanted. The orphaned one.
Another life long wound that came festering up to the surface. I don’t believe I have dealt with this one before. Certainly not fully.
So here I was, in my state of angst and despair, feeling absolutely unwanted. I just let myself be with it.
Later on, I went to the store where I ran into one of the coolest couples around. They are retired farmers, still active in the local organic food community. I have mentioned them before on this site. They are open with their minds and hearts and I love them both. The female half is a Capricorn, just like myself, so I have always felt a special connection with her. It isn’t often I meet another Capricorn and when I do, I feel “home”. It’s a feeling of “you get me!” At least those parts of me that tend to annoy others. :::ahem:::
I ask how they’re doing. They ask how I’m doing. With her arm around me, I started to cry. I cannot contain my emotions any longer. It is quite liberating. I used to be the exact opposite. Ask me how I am in the past and regardless of how I was feeling, I would smile and say “fine”.
I was a seriously simple unfettered person on the outside. Like all the time.
Now? Not at all. Ask how I am and I will tell you the truth. (And I deeply value that when others do that with me.)
So here my beautiful friend has her arm around me, her compassion authentic and palpable (which only makes the tears flow even more). As quickly as I could, I told her about my meeting yesterday, how deeply weary I am of trying to find the help I need to make the money I equally need.
Well, as it turns out, they know of a program through the local university run by college kids who have expertise in all things media and website related. They will be passing along the information to me.
What’s interesting is the one good thing that came out of my meeting yesterday is as we spoke, I suddenly had the idea to contact students at the University. It was a quiet thought, but enough so that I wrote it down in my notes I took.
We continued our conversation. We spoke of Shamanism and the local Shamanic community, how they were aware of these people and how I had just very recently been introduced into it. I shared my desire to study energy healing with them and possibly go on and study Shamanism as well.
My girlfriend has a chronic health condition and she has gone through a huge variety of medical and non-traditional treatments to make herself well. A very similar experience of my mate. Putting my hand on my heart I said: “Nothing would give me greater meaning than to be able to put my hands on you and heal you,” I told my friend. I could barely speak. I was so full of emotion and a sense of purpose. My friend’s eyes welled up with tears which triggered mine again as well. I noticed a couple of other customers glancing our way, smiling, obviously moved by what they were witnessing. It was a deeply moving, beautiful moment.
There has been far too much suffering of humanity. Far too many with chronic disease. We are designed to be whole and healthy. I am embracing my deepest desire as a Healer. I have done it in past lives. And I am doing it again in this one.
So……..deep breath……sometimes when Life opens a door it doesn’t necessarily mean that when you walk through it and it seems to shut that there is just the one door that opened.
Sometimes you have to wait (there’s that patience thing again) and TRUST that the next one will appear.
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