The Challenge of 10/24 ~ Or “How Much Shit Is Still Within?!”

 

Emotions all over the place.  Body feels so tense in certain spots.  I stretched a lot today as I have the last few days.  Many walks.  At times quite intense.  Big movements.  Today I walked, swung my arms in large loops, lifted invisible weights and roared a few times.  Took my child to one of the local parks and let her run around while I sat alone, kicked some wood chips and had such an intense deep cry, I drooled.  And didn’t care who heard or saw.  Ascension vomiting 101.

I have that technique mastered.

I feel my energy within wants to expand and BE FREE of any and all restrictions.  It’s like I am deeply in the process of birthing my Real Self and she is pitching a fit in needing me to clean the internal house so she can have her own space.  Some days, like today, it feels like I am twins in a womb, fighting for space.

My head does weird buzzing things.  My bones hurt.  Again, ZERO desire to be around any sort of conflict, loud noise, endless talking.  Today I released the times I have been fake to myself.  Put on the pretend show.  I have done that for much of my life on a lot of areas, a lot of things, situations.  Family feels unnatural to me.  Anything “traditional” feels unnatural.  It isn’t that I don’t love my family.  I just need it to be something else.  I would likely feel “better” about this if I felt I were truly walking my path of purpose.  Certainly knowing I was with my tribe. Have I mentioned this reality authentically sucks to me?  lol  Today I feel so absolutely out of place ~ much like I do much of the time ~ but the effects today are DAYEM.  A whole new level.

I was thinking about this realm, this reality.  Today while I was in the bathroom, my woo woo message space, I felt/heard that the matrix is an overlay of multiple realities we are ALL creating, knowingly or unknowingly.

Well ok then, I thought.  What am I supposed to do with that then?

Be absolutely meticulous on my thoughts ~ those focused thoughts.  Can I really “create” my way into a whole different realm?  My “version” of paradise?

Cause this isn’t it ~ obviously.  It is painful to know within you have had different and now realize opting to come to this realm for this final showdown was perhaps a bit more of a challenge than originally “felt”. The curtain can fall any time now.  I have no reason to wait.  None.  I am tired. Every damn day I am tired.  I ground.  I release.  I rest and nap and sleep and eat well and all of that.  And still I am tired and when in my deepest quietest moments, I want this experience over.  Too many cycles and loops that end the same ~ leave the body and thinking ok NEXT cycle will be the liberation of our species.  I am supposed to be doing something different.  I have a restlessness that won’t go away.  Even in my moments of “all is well”, that inner restlessness, which I began feeling almost 20 years ago, still remains.

I leave this one with no answers other than I want an end to ground hog day.

 

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Goddess. Starwoman. Freedom and Justice Creator. Writer. Musician. Composer.

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