Energetically Flatlined Today

 

Emotion, Expression, Life, Face, Girl

I woke up this morning with deep heaviness in my heart.  I had experienced a dream of a childhood sweetheart who I am friends with today.  I had thought about him before I went to bed and felt a bitter-sweetness to the thought.  He’s battling cancer and in the dream, he turned into a little boy and I was trying to help him put on his shoes.  He was so sweet, little, innocent.  I was able to get his shoes on before I woke up.  I checked my facebook page later on and see his entry – he’s still battling and had a small setback today.

As I pulled myself out of bed, I noticed an unpleasant smell in the living room – that of a neighbor – who has deep deep unresolved issues, one of which includes bathing being a rarity.  They had come over yesterday – unannounced – and stayed for just a moment.  I can’t be around the energy right now.  In fact, the energies of everyone are overwhelming me at the moment.  Any type of conflict or visual images of pain/suffering put me into a tailspin.  So back to the smell – I immediately cleansed/cleared and lit my resin.  Will have to be more assertive in what I allow into my personal space.  Can’t really be around friends much either – noticed that again last night.  I immediately now sense if there’s a disconnect.  JUST CANNOT DO IT!  If I force myself to be in such spaces, my body revolts.

My mate had a friend over and when he arrived, I was quiet.  Unusually quiet.  He later asked my mate if I was angry with him.  Goodness, no. Just feeling a lot of old pain today and am rather reflective/introspective.

The tears started about an hour ago and have continued.  Tears over lost connections with family.  With friends.  Pains from the past.  Those things I wish I had done and those things I wish I hadn’t done.

Allowing myself to be a verbal and emotional punching bag far too many times.

Allowing myself to keep my heart to myself out of fear, shame, embarrassment.

Not teaching myself boundaries earlier.

Wishing I had been stronger in my younger years.  More assertive.  Wiser.

Wisdom with courage.  A necessary combination if one is to make it in the world the way it has been.  That and a lot of support.

Just when I think “I have released this one” up it comes again.  Another layer.  For release.  With love, comfort and absolute acceptance.

Will I get this healing stuff right?

Is there something else I could be doing?

I have no answers today to any of that so for now, I’m just Being with who I am in this seemingly never-ending but always changing story.

 

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Goddess. Starwoman. Freedom and Justice Creator. Writer. Musician. Composer.

4 thoughts on “Energetically Flatlined Today”

  1. so can relate. It is ok …so tiring though. Only want to be around dogs. Crying at the drop of a hat….for animals and the trees that are being eaten by gypsy moths.

    Had a horrible day at work….was attacked viciously by my boss. I am taking hit for a lot of her issues. are they mine too?? hang man.
    Cried all the way home. Cried even at work. There is no “bad” intention here. I have tried to notice and improve on everything I do. Obviously it is not enough, but when is it ever going to be.
    zero point for me is a looooongggg way off for me. That is probably why this is happening. Love you Sister!

  2. This resonates with me a lot lately. I had been doing really good physically and gotten cocky that all my yoga had cured so many of my issues. But I feel bloated and sick in my core this past week. I know I am sensitive to certain foods and know I need to give up meat, but that is difficult. I feel so isolated now, more than ever. I work with lots of people whom I don’t connect with on a deep level, but I always make it a point to be a kind person. I have some people in my life I would call friends but they are not the close bonded relationships I had in my past. Those friendships are no longer. I don’t communicate with my family anymore. I did see my Dad today at my job and we are basically like acquaintances passing each other on a street. It makes me sad. I so long to have people to connect with again. I have been listening lately, the past month of so, to the channelings of Barbara Marciniak. She is supposed to be channeling the Pleiadians. The information resonates with me on so many levels but some of it, confuses me. She has talked about that they “the cabal” want people to lose connections to their family and loved ones because being isolated makes you vulnerable. So for what I thought was, that my vibration is not on the same level with most people and that is why it is difficult to be around others, could actually be that we are just the messed up ones and our vibrations are low. I basically don’t watch television anymore. I rarely watch any movies either. Sometimes I start one thinking I want to watch and I only make it a few minutes. I don’t know what the f*** I’m supposed to be doing anymore. I find pleasure in cooking, in singing, I exercise 4 days a week, do yoga 4 days a week. I ground myself with a grounding cord, I strengthen my aura, I visualize strong vibrant chakras. But I am disclosure weary. I don’t follow Corey Goode or David Wilcock anymore. I think there is a lot of disinformation and it is getting worse. It seems like the spiritual aspect of things are more important than people finding out that we are not alone in the multiverse. I know we aren’t alone, I know there is more to life than this and we have been misguided and confused and brainwashed. I know that everything and everyone, Good Bad and the Ugly have the spark of the Creator. Not just the good and nice things. Knowing everything I know does not make it easier to live in the world. Most every day I find gratitude, but I feel like it’s so hard to keep on keeping on. What are we waiting for? I keep wanting to go back to an old life and old belief systems. A life that isn’t there and the people aren’t there anymore either. I think religion might be more satisfying that trying to understand the way the multiverse works from a human perspective. I live in the Bible Belt and everyday I see people who say “God Bless You” multiple times a day and see kindness and love from a Jesus perspective. There are worse things to be in this world than a Jesus freak I think. At least that perspective is loving and compassionate. We aren’t meant to be alone and be so isolated. We can’t truly exist all alone in this world. We rely on each other, if not indirectly, for our food and shelter. We are supposed to commune in fellowship with one another. If there is a higher purpose going on then I am completely disconnected to what my purpose is and what I am supposed to be doing.

    1. thank you for sharing – i hear you. my perspective – for me – is that what makes us vulnerable is not being in alignment with our truth, or maybe more importantly in acceptance of myself. i have felt far more vulnerable forcing myself to stay connected w/those with whom i have no real emotional connection to and have found absolute peace in being alone – knowing who i am – those are amazing moments. and it is then that i (usually – not always) can be around anyone and find a way to connect by seeing/feeling the source within them. it all starts with me and how i feel about myself. a remembering still unfolding. … dietary – yes – feeling bloated this past week. mate and i both. and acidic as well no matter what i eat. i am feeling my body change inside – the old density that once responded more to denser foods – is morphing into something, well, new.

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