As I start this daily notes, I look above and see the “Enter title here” space. Empty. I really don’t know what to call this piece for there are many things I wish to discuss. Maybe by the end of my stream-of-consciousness writings, the title will come to me. Until then, it remains empty.
Much like my trust in the system of control. Much like my trust in anyone, male or female, who supports bully, controlling, abusive behavior, both passive and aggressive, by dismissing hard truths.
I would like to discuss one truth in particular. White. Male. Bullshit.
Oh dear, I swore, likely offending someone. Oh dear, I have shown my anger. Again, likely offending someone.
You know what? I no longer fucking care who I offend with my anger. With my righteous anger. With my anger of being suppressed and oppressed and held down and abused by the hands of controlling abusive men and the system of patriarch.
I had a girlfriend over last night and she is dealing with an abusive male in her life. She’s afraid. Afraid to express her authentic truth. Afraid to express her anger. She says it’s because it isn’t her. I call bullshit on that. It’s simply a side she hasn’t been ALLOWED to express. Safely. With full acceptance.
I remember many years ago, coming out of a completely unsatisfying marriage, entering the dating world again. What a nightmare that was. I remember my first attempt at having something meaningful (i.e. open and mature) with a white man. Early 30’s – both of us. I shared with him the lyrics to one of my songs – a song about feeling repressed as a female and the accompanying feelings of shame and guilt and fear. Now I need to add this dude was a songwriter, a huge lover of music and listened to a variety of music, including raging angry metal. However, reading my lyrics he told me I needed to tone it down.
My words “were too angry.”
Ah, I get it. It was ok for him to listen to violent lyrics written by and sung by other males but this female attempts to express her own anger and I am told to keep it down.
Where and when had I heard that before? Hmmm…
Oh, that’s correct. MY ENTIRE. FUCKING. LIFE.
Ever have those moments where you show your anger to some equally unevolved male and either by laughed at or told to calm down? Shoot, women do this to other women as well. I have had female counselors tell me to calm down or ask me to look at my emotions in another way, or as what happened recently when I was recounting an episode from my past about being verbally assaulted by a male, I was told perhaps I needed to consider the needs of the assaulting male.
Yes, well that received a look and a “have you considered perhaps I didn’t care about his needs, at least at that moment?”
Can we say blame the victim?
Male power. Male privilege. Out of control, permeating our lives, male and female, suppressing every one of us our authentic selves.
Men thinking they have to be tough and strong and always in control, always doing, always accomplishing, lest they be considered weak or a pussy.
Women trapped, forced to surrender our goddess energies, which for so many of us is our reality. Childhood indoctrination, where females are told to submit to the males around them, be quiet, be a good girl, where we are given shameful messages about our bodies and our sexuality, is where all of this abuse stems from. Certainly it is supported by the culture and goes on to this day. I recently heard of a school that banned girls from wearing spaghetti-strap tank tops to school because the boys couldn’t concentrate.
STH (smack their heads)
Look at how we treat women who are abused by men who are supposed to love them. We put them in shelters, dismiss their deep emotional need to rest and heal and force them quickly back out into the world of patriarchy where again, they will be forced to be someone they aren’t. THIS IS LARGELY WHY SO MANY WOMEN STAY IN DESTRUCTIVE ABUSIVE SITUATIONS – economics, plain and simple. That and the system and society fails them of their very personal need to heal and be taken care of.
A dear friend of mine died of cancer recently. She lived with a man who beat her, often violently. I had no financial resources to help her. I offered her a place to stay, but only that could be temporary because as a renter, you can only have a guest for 30 days without being in violation of the lease. Shelters, as I said, are simply going from one stressful situation to another – neither giving the woman what she truly needs. Oh and might I add these places don’t seem consider to ask the woman “what do you need” – then give her the time and space and support to figure that out – and then FUCKING DO IT.
I didn’t live by her. If I did, I would have gathered up my male friends, the ones with balls that is, and sent them over there to kick the shit out of him and make it clear – lest he stop his violence, the beatings on him will continue. I am appalled that others in her life knew she was getting beat and did NOTHING.
Such silence makes one complicit.
Been there, done that, experienced that.
I’ve had the experience of a man throwing me into a wall, in front of friends and a couple of family members. Their way of dealing with it? Go home and leave me to deal with the after affects, alone.
I’ve had the experience of being aggressively grabbed in public, in front of others, males included, and been ignored.
I’ve had men grab my body. Touch it. Assume they have some right to it.
Each one got away with it because they knew they could, believed they could, thought they could – if they even bothered to have a thoughtful dialogue to themselves.
I intend to come into wealth during this lifetime, in spite of the obstacles, both seen and unseen, that have been tossed in that path. One of the things I have known for almost 20 years now that I will do with this wealth is create a safe house, at this point in honor of my friend who died. A place for women who are being abused, regardless of their age or economic status. A place for them to stay as long as they need. A place for them to receive healing, the intensive, honest healing they need. A place for their children, if they have them, to live as well. No pressure to do a THING other than HEAL. Then help them get in tune with what they want their life to look like, as a healed/healing woman. And again, help them with carrying out that plan in whatever way and means they need.
Empower these women by remembering who they are. And then as they re-enter the world, they KEEP this goddess energy in tact and don’t sell out to the old patriarch paradigm. They challenge competition and control. They refuse to play those games. They also remember their stories and do what they can to help other women, building more such safe places and spaces until within a generation or half a generation, we will have TRUE balance of god and goddess energy, a real marriage of masculine and feminine marriage. Neither dominating the other. Neither using the other. No more selling out for the sake of.
That clearly states: Abuse – you are no longer welcome here.
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