Thank you to Sanna Tarnstrom for sending me this beautiful, raw, authentic piece to share. I awoke this morning with a similar feeling/mindset. I know many of you will resonate. I love how many of you are such prolific writers ~ you humble and inspire me!
Last night I had enough… But it wasn’t the feeling like the other hundreds of times… Where I naked in the moon light , stripped of all my energy and spark, on my knees, crying my heart out in the middle of the night…. Asking my universe, WHYYY?!
Where no answered, help and embraces came… Where I felt like the most lonely of people in this whole wide existence! Those many times of being in the eye of the storm, but still don’t see and understand. Please, here my call! Anyone out there hearing me?! At the bottom and never see a warm embrace and smile in sight. Down in the pit of darkness, where the shades can’t come off. It is just You and only You there, hearing You. That is how it feels at that moment.
As for those many other times… Yes, I see and understand now… In the fire of a moment, it can all go. I have felt that way so many times, I don’t even bother to count those moments anymore…
Here and now… Alive and sort of…kind of well… seeing last night as a different kind of moment… I had enough… But it was another voice speaking out this time. It was the voice of understanding my own worth and self-love. It was an honest voice. A kindness of tender care coming from within, from Me. I felt a gratitude of some kind. Hard to put words on it, but what I can say….is that, it wasn’t with struggle or hardship… No, not at all… It came from my divine spark of Me. Strong, clear, bright and loving.
A shift inside and then…. I turned my back to everything that didn’t felt honest, good or healthy for myself. All inner doubt, the fear, the past illusions and burdens that wasn’t mine. The heart-breaks from long past, that didn’t fit in with my real heart’s pure knowing of myself.
I said; I quit! Like, walking away from a situation, a job or a person… I will not take part in this anymore. I will not do this to myself anymore. I will not lead myself astray. I will not feed any lower energies or entities that gives me hell. My heart has no more room for that kind of living and existence.
I quit from all the dis-empowering, all the on-going days and nights of years of psychic attacks. Treatments from other realities that brings me to the drained rock-bottom. Artificial intelligence that only are there to completely destroy me, silence me and brainwash me. I quit from playing a part in that reality. No more!
I quit from blaming any outside forces or events from my own life experiences. I quit from giving my power away. I quit from putting myself down, in any way shape or form, that I know deep inside my heart isn’t true in the first place. I quit NOT being completely honest with my heart and soul. I quit, I say, I quit!!!
And so….in a smooth moment…in the eye of the storm…I became the storm… I saw it through the eye of that storm. I felt a higher truth inside. And then….I smiled…
I becoming a little emotional writing this….as it means a lot to me… But also from a feeling of that higher truth that still moves inside of me. Me life force and my breathe didn’t “fail” me this time or went back into survivor mode again.. And…I’m still smiling…
This was and is a very big thing for me. A shift that will bring so many blessings and gifts… I’m still adjusting to this shift inside and letting it slowly but surly integrate and become part of my essence, fully and honestly. I feel it is a learning process…always caring for myself in this way… Stepping into the self-love light is not always so easy….but I did it and I’m sticking around… But this time I will do it with an honest sight to life. In the way of ease and grace giftes me. With the wisdom and remembrance of being the eye of my storm and sticking to my love-plan.
It is not hard, it is truly very simple once you’ve crossed that threshold and sink deep deep into yourself…your self-worth, your honest true heart’s knowing, that persona that you know is the only way to be, truly be… With authenticity and that pure unique charisma only you have.
I except my good and less good sides, just as my good and less good days… But I will never bring myself to a place of complete dis-empowering again. It is done. I quit and I have played out that role to the max! That part is over. I know it.
Last night was very active, as so many nights are for me. I am embracing all parts of it, all sides of it. It is my life, isn’t it?! I will stay proud and listen to my heart. In stillness or in kaos…. Really….what is the difference anyway?!
We all learn from the trails and tests of life. We walk our paths as we know how. It is different for all. And so it shall be and always will. We learn, by walking our path, to see the grace and beauty in all life experiences. Both hard and easy. To master all our souls questions, wonders and quests…we need to master to walk in shades of grey. It is the only road that leads back home.
I wish you all a magical and beautiful weekend. Take care and always listen to your heart. Be your truth. Let your heart do the bidding and “smile that shine out” to the world…
Always in Love & Care,
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