Having Love For All ~ Truth Or Pipe Dream

 

Having love for all.

Some seem to have great ease with this.

I am not one of these people.

Maybe it is my age.

Or maybe it is just me.

As one who has grown weary of so much, I have stumbled into this space where I don’t care to be around others, much less feel love for them.

In fact, I have a rather strong disdain towards the masses today.  My heart has shut herself off ~ lost faith in this grand awakening.

Today, I simply want to Go Home.

Go to that place I have seen in my dreams and waking visions.

My new home on this new earth.  The new construct.

Next to my little one, it is the only thing giving me peace these days.

I have a bitter taste in my mouth when I think of reaching out and helping others awaken.

Not that it was ever my responsibility or anyone else’s to awaken another. Sharing myself with others, my thoughts and the like, just ain’t happening.  I feel like either they are disappearing or else I am.

I have impressions and memories of once being a very Aware Being, very Loving.

Once.

While I am Aware, I am not so into the feeling love-to-all.

Does this mean I’m not as aware as I think?

Am I just burned out?

I don’t know.

I just know what I want.

And this way of living on this earth doesn’t cut it for me anymore.  And I cannot seem to muster up the patience, desire or strength to get past that.

Today I walked up to my mate, leaned into him and said “my god I just cannot do this anymore!”

I can’t.

And I don’t know what to do with this feeling state.

Do you ever stop and think “How long is a person supposed to just hang on?”

Earlier, while in the garage cleaning up the days toys, I felt this fatigue wash over me.  I sat down in the chair, looked up at the chemtrail ridden sky.  It was unbelievable today.  For that moment, I wished I had ignored those questioning voices within.  For that moment, I wished I was still asleep.  I actually began to tell the controllers they could have my Soul again in the Matrix for another cycle, wipe my brain of all of this information I have stuffed it with the past 25 years, in exchange for me to get my health back, the energy to be the kind of parent I want to be and for financial success.

A very tempting offer I was starting to create.

While I still desire and intend the above, I immediately stopped myself from proceeding further.

The dark night of the soul, perhaps.

Ugh.  I thought I had gone through that process before.

I just simply feel trapped against a wall, my vision too cloudy to see the next step.  My fatigue at an all-time high.  (Any of you feeling the need to sleep all day the past several days?)

All I want to do now is sleep.

Is this normal?

Something with which to concern myself?

I thought I came here to do this love-all stuff.

Spread my truth.

Share my light.  My love.

Maybe my work is done.

Or maybe I just need a break.

Or maybe perhaps I just need to remember to love myself all over again ~ in some new way.

Whatever is going on with me is running very deep, leaving me feeling quite alone (anyone else having relationships end as well), in a quiet, comfy bed where sleep becomes the best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Goddess. Starwoman. Freedom and Justice Creator. Writer. Musician. Composer.

5 thoughts on “Having Love For All ~ Truth Or Pipe Dream”

  1. Bingo, right where you are….it goes on and on.
    Where is Universal Law in this world? Is that a lie too? How can the poisoning of the earth with chemtrails continue with no repercussions of Universal Law??? Especially plants and animals that are gifts…where do they fit in on this? It pains me to no end to see the slow poisoning of the animals. How can this be a thought in “source” to experience all? This is all a joke!

  2. it pains me to see you getting so low moral these days, i have lost all faith too that light will finally triumph over the dark, i don’t see it and i don’t feel strong. to be honest i don’t even sure if there is aliens, ET GF coming to help us or just watch us fail miserably as human?! EVERYTHING here is not real, just a dream.
    Lately i read this site,which have me thinking and digesting what he write, if anyone still have energy , read his site thoroughly ( go through each one ) , may be he will help us find the answer we want, how to get out of this game .

    https://augtellez.wordpress.com/latests-posts/

    1. i have read some of his pieces – when i understand them they are quite fascinating. however, i have cognitive issues, as in processing information and his particular style of writing seems to clash w/the current state of my brain.

  3. Wow. On the same page again. As a matter of fact, my feelings go one step further; as of yesterday, I lost faith in all of it. Ascension. New Earth. My galactic family. Source. And even my higher self, because it or something that had the ability to hijack or emulate it perfectly deceived me and led me straight into a heartbreak. At a time when I am already at such an emotional low and every part of my life is going badly. It was the last straw. After almost 20 years of being on the “ascension path/lightworking,” all my many efforts in the physical, mental or astral to change or to improve my reality or the greater reality in ANY way have failed. What gives? I didn’t “create this” & I’m sure as heck not “learning lessons” from a life of nonstop pain and utter loneliness. Nor do I see any of the promised changes in the world. If anything things have gotten worse. If my and countless others’ efforts and meditations combined have not moved us into a better reality, even after all this time, then this is a prison, no one is coming to save anyone & ascension was just a pipe dream of escape. And after so many years of fighting and getting nowhere, I’m done trying. Like you, all I want is to go home. The only thing tethering me to this planet at all is my cat. I have nothing and no one else to live for. And I feel no responsibility for a collective that has been nothing but cruel to me and I have washed my hands of them. I don’t know how much longer I can survive this world. It’s a miracle that I’ve survived this long according to a therapist, and she didn’t even know the spiritual warfare aspect, just the “human” junk. For which I would blame Team Dark except now I think it’s all one team with all one goal: keep you busy believing you can change things and unaware that the game is hopelessly rigged. I just want out.

    I truly hope you find the peace and the financial support and spiritual and life help that I believe you deserve. Thank you for listening at a time when no one else cared to, and for speaking the raw truth from your heart when others aren’t. Best of luck to you, now and in every timeline or reality you walk.

    1. i hear you. i feel i am walking a tightrope – moments of knowing all is well, then moments of wth get me out of here! certainly the effects of all that is are having a bi-polar affect on many of us, myself included. just wanting peace/contentment at this point.

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