Struggling to Remain UP in this Now Moment

 

Another virus was brought into the house last weekend – unbeknownst to us.  Yet another parent allowing their sick child to come over here.  My girl was sick 2 days later.  She missed 2 play-dates.  Piano lessons.  Another note was written to said family of the child.  Consideration is non-existent in far too many people I stopped playing the “suck it up and be quiet” game this past year.

I have been fighting it off ~ one moment I feel it, an hour later I don’t.  Now my mate is sick with it – very sick.  His immune system is compromised. The last thing he needed, obviously.  Or me for that matter.

It was an extra difficult week for him.  The local hospital system has him marked as a patient who abuses the system.  That’s what happens when you have an unrecognized, controversial (bio-weaponized) illness that goes misdiagnosed for over 10 years, said system being unwilling and unable to treat.  He tried to find a new doctor to get some scans for the tumor he has in his brain as well as the constant, at times stabbing pain in his colon, but was turned down.  It has been a nightmare and I simply don’t want to do it any longer.  The negligence of these criminals who call themselves doctors was one of the most difficult red pills to swallow.  At this point I would like to see them hanging by their testicles and tits.  That is how traumatizing and incompetent their behavior has been.  Years of missed-out-on-so-many-things.  Caregivers.  Dollars spent and wasted.  Fundraisers. Yard sales.  Anything to call attention to his situation and let’s be honest – mine as a burned out spouse.

We went down the road with the local naturopath without much better results.  Now we wait for all of this (supposed) but AVAILABLE tech to be released to the public.  Each day that passes and we have to wait, one more person dies unnecessarily.  Few wish to acknowledge that but it is the truth. Absolutely criminal.

So…….Tending to a sick child all week and dealing with an adult human who is “fed up with it all” has me screaming inside.  I ground, release, meditate but at the end I am shouting SHUT UP.  SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP  I am trying to create and MAINTAIN my own sacred space within.  And now I am battling yet another virus ~ 2nd one in 4 weeks thanks to inconsiderate people who cannot stop for a moment and think “oh yes by the way my child is sick/I am sick/there is a sick person in this house.”  And I am quite fed the EF up with reading articles by those in the Ascension/Spiritual community who are single and financially stable saying “take time off.  Get a massage.  Be in quiet and solitude as much as you can.”

Come tend to the sick ones in my house, step in and take over helping my mate with his medical nightmares and pay for me to get a massage and you betcha then I will hop on that one!

I feel like I came here to be a part of this transformation.  I know I did.  And I am doing all I can with the energy I do have to create something N E W for myself and to keep on going ~ but there are times like this week when I think “fuuuuuuuuuuuuck let me go home now please I cannot do this any longer!”.

Although that is not me.  I am far too stubborn ~ and persistent ~ and in spite of my moodiness, highly optimistic, always picking up and carrying on.  And yet a few miracles in the forms of new people showing up in my daily life would be a welcome relief.  The struggle of loneliness and all of this unnecessary struggle has become a burden I no longer wish to carry.

No longer.

Love. In. Action. Now.

NOW.

Victoria

 

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Goddess. Starwoman. Freedom and Justice Creator. Writer. Musician. Composer.

2 thoughts on “Struggling to Remain UP in this Now Moment”

  1. You are not alone in how you feel about this Sister. I believe there are many of us, probably 98%, struggling immensely right now. January sucks.
    I too am sick again and with no insurance and lost wages as a result. The worst, though, is being a prisoner in my home because I know the Chem trailed skies have reigned down these illnesses. Every moment is clearing, affirmations. I look out the window to catch a glimpse of the glorious birds and try to learn the lesson from them…to just Be.
    I am so tired.
    I am commanding forth the 31st brings in new energies and HOPE AND PEACE.
    this too shall pass

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