Struggling with Patience


This day has challenged me on many levels.  Money.  Faith.  Health.

I am doing the best I can.

Recently I reached out and asked for marketing help on an ascension community board and was told to read an article on healing the self and if interested, I could pay for some of her healing services.


Did I ASK to be healed?  Noooooo.

So before I receive promotion help, I have to be healed?



Is this what this ascension community is about as well as the 3d system? Do it on your own?  If you can’t, that’s your issue not mine?  Aren’t we supposed to be in UNITY here??  Returning to Unity?

I’m not seeing it.

That has been part of my problem.  I have done MUCH of this 3D living on my own, certainly in the areas of promotion.  Creation.  As my mate says “you have tried so many things year after year on your own” about my efforts to make a decent income.

So do I have something deep within that is telling me I am not worthy?

Sure I do to some degree.  But I sure as anything work on it, work on myself.  Daily.  THAT IS NOT THE ONLY ISSUE.

Who doesn’t have inner issues?

Don’t we ALL have inner shit, some of which we’re not aware of?


What gives these people who are promoting their own services the right to tell another “you have to do this alone” or imply “you don’t really need marketing help (meaning you don’t know what you really need – only I do).  What you need to do is read my article.”  Oh and after that, pay me for my services.

I’m telling you folks, I am putting on a real happy face some days on this site, especially since I was criticized for being real and authentic with how I feel and what I think about this 3D system.  Criticized and then not offered anything in kind.  If you’re going to judge me and claim I need to do x y z then you sure as hell better offer me help with that.  Other than that, you’re just another mouthpiece for the very system in which I speak out against and yes, rage against some days.


I don’t know what to do at the moment – on these issues that keep popping up in front of my face to look at yet again.  I really don’t.  Today I’m yelling at them to go the fuck away.  Other than my child, I can’t seem to satisfy or please much of anyone.  And yes I know, please thyself.  I get that.  I do.

How do I heal from this money issue?

I think of song lyrics that inspire me.  Shoe the children with no shoes on their feet.  House the people living on the street.  This is not complicated. You don’t tell them to go heal themselves first.  And you don’t assume you know best for them.  Spiritual Ego is rampant in the ascension community. If you really are of Source, you ASK what is needed and if you can provide, you do it.  If not, you STFU.  As I like to say when it comes to business, mind your own and stay out of mine.

Maybe my struggles with money aren’t just all due to my own thoughts (which I admit have been a part of this struggle).  Maybe I am to be used to share these conversations on money.  On helping people for whom financial struggle has caused such unnecessary struggle and suffering by being a voice.

This is one topic the masses need to talk about, get real about.  Now. Including those in this spiritual community.  In my area, just to rent one room will cost you $550/month – and that’s without utilities.  For just ONE ROOM. I saw a chart that said the MINIMUM wage people need in each state just to afford a one bedroom home/apartment.  The average was $14-$16/hour.

Then there are utilities, which our electric company conveniently jacked the kilowatt rate.  We have no say – doesn’t matter if you petition your legislature.  Speak out about it.  (both of which I have done, btw)  They do whatever the fuck they want to do.  Then the water rates were jacked and more taxes-disguised-as-fees were added.  Totally illegal, btw (these “fees” – as it did not include a citizen’s vote).  So we speak out.  Nothing changes because again, they get to do whatever the fuck they want to do. Without consequence.

Oh but let’s attack those who are struggling and experiencing all the unnecessary suffering as a result of the burdens put on them/us by these very criminals.  Why?  Because it’s easier that way.  It’s easier to say “pull yourself up jack” than it is to do what’s right – and that is to show some LOVE.

Then there’s food prices.  Those keep going up.  Gotta eat healthy and we do.  We spend a god awful amount of money on organic foods.  Fresh.  We don’t eat out.  I cook 99% of all of our meals.  From scratch.  I make my own bread.  We have a garden growing.  To help keep the vibes up and to have good health it’s imperative, especially when health insurance is limited and in some cases, non-existent.  I need glasses.  I have no vision coverage.  I have very limited dental coverage.  My mate has none and he recently had a dental emergency so add in another bill to the collection.

I am so tired of being told it’s ME when so much of it is the god damn fucking system that doesn’t ever seem to change.  WHY CAN’T THE PEOPLE IN THE SPIRITUAL COMMUNITIES AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THIS??  Do I have to be the only one??

I hesitated to share this given some of the comments I received from others.  The criticism.  How sad it is that not only are there people who behave in such a manner instead of using that energy productively by asking hey, what do you need?  But equally sad that I let myself get affected by such comments.  And yet, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t. Unless you’re a machine.  Or fully awakened.

I am neither.

And I do not apologize for that.

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Goddess. Starwoman. Freedom and Justice Creator. Writer. Musician. Composer.

4 thoughts on “Struggling with Patience”

  1. money is part and parcel of the 3D slave control system

    any so-called ‘spiritual’ teachers who plug into the money game system is attaching themselves to darkness – plain and simple

    needless to say, i have a totally negative view of money, which in my unity consciousness is a completely positive thing

    1. how else do people pay their rent, feed themselves, etc. if not with money? do you earn money or have bills to pay? if you have found a way to avoid the monetary system, please share. i am very much ready for the entire monetary system of control to be eliminated and resource-based/free system replace it. that being said – money isn’t negative, imho – it is how it is used and controlled – the energies behind it. and while we are still all subject to the pay-to-live system, i do what i have to do to keep myself and my family sheltered and clothed. i don’t have an issue with spiritual-types and healers asking for money for their services – my issue is when it is one set-fee – often quite high. why not offer a donation-type service or a sliding scale fee – or an occasional pro-bono service.

  2. “I can’t seem to satisfy or please much of anyone. And yes I know, please thyself. I get that. I do.” Wellp you satisfy me with your posts on this blog 😛
    In time of transition we arent in 3d or 5d or 4d but between thats make 5d advices not always working neither 3d.
    Today light community is a parodox. We still have problems with arguing who`s right who`s disinfo agent, and community have problem with filtering that, also there is a semi-taboo about making money by blogers in community. Since that there is a general, transparent and unspecified advice that trouble is on your side and you need to heal it or ask higher self or other to do the work because its safe. But it ONLY work if its one time yes it perhaps work outside of Earth where you are not attacked by being to keep you in check with vibration or 7-11 job kind deal. If we are in toxic enviroment then we can heal ourself to certain degree but that dont remove problem, we suspended in stasis condition right now.

    On another positive note, are right now everyone in light community pushing for something to happen? I mean there is a hype for whatever it have. A bit diffrent since i came in this world, in 2012 it was:” Drake say its going to be in April” “Shieldan Nile- say in the next week” “Blossom say its all right” “Cobra-it next week if we reach critical mass” ect. Now everyone are like it near..??? Whatever it means or is just me going bonkers ? Since I dont feel like there is anything going for me i feel like some higher power went on vacation, and I dont feel any energy exept of my.

    1. well we are co-creator’s and creator’s of our own reality – and there is the 100 monkey effect – and so if enough of us feel something is near – that means we are near something big. i read more of this last night as well on schrodingersothercat blog – as well as spoke w/a couple others who have the same feeling. t/y for your words. 🙂 and i would say it’s a positive experience feeling only your own energy as we are source, higher self and self – all combined. seems to me you no longer look outside of yourself – and that’s where we’re all “headed” for lack of a better term.

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