I just finished reading a piece by a writer/blogger in the Ascension community. I like her writings and her words resonate with me.
Tonight though I got triggered.
Reading her words about what is important at this time, what we each need to be doing for ourselves is just a painful reminder that I am not getting what I need.
Sunshine and plentiful time alone with little or no outside stimuli.
How am I to do this when I live in the part of the country that has seen maybe a dozen days of sunshine since last October and being the mother of a small child and a disabled spouse who is home most of the time.
I wish to Goddess I could find a generous soul with a studio or cottage they don’t use that I could just go to for a few hours. A day. Overnight if I so choose.
I NEED MY OWN SPACE.
I am very limited by funds right now, literally penny to penny while going into debt some months, which is partly why I started this blog and am pushing my book.
Today I cried over this. Threw up my hands in a growling fit of angst. This ascension process has left me exhausted on its own. Add to it ongoing financial stress as well as some health issues. I am juggling so much right now ~ something has to give. It’s a miracle I haven’t just collapsed or packed up in the middle of the night and just disappeared. Get in the car and just drive until I run out of gas, you know?
So a note to those who put out such pieces ~ it serves no purpose to tell others what they need to be doing at this time. Not everyone lives alone. Some of us are parents. Not everyone undergoing this process lives on lands that have sunshine year round (as does this person). Rather tired of reading “this is what I’m doing so you need to be doing this too.”
I’m doing the best I can with my current situation.
Much of the time I’m pretty balanced and positive.
But I do have my moments.
And I have been having them this past week.
It all keeps coming back up for resolution.
And yet, I have none.
So I do what I always have done.
Continue on, intending a miracle or two, being in Gratitude, and wail on my punching bag during those “I AM NOT DOING THIS ANY LONGER” moments.
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