I don’t know why I’m here on this earth anymore other than to be a mother to my child. And yet how am I supposed to do that without money? Love doesn’t buy anything. In my version of reality it does, but hey that isn’t here yet and how do I know for sure it is really happening? Those visions and dreams and intentions ~ how do I know for sure?
Going on blind faith has never been my “thang”.
What started out as a website I thought was to help unite many of us has dissolved into nothing.
I no longer know what I am supposed to do.
I no longer feel a sense of purpose.
I am trapped against a wall as I have said with no vision of how to get out.
I’m so desperate I am taking survey’s online now – which turns out to be maybe $3/hour.
Why can’t I get you all to commit to just $1/month?
This tells me you do not value what I do.
To those who have donated, I am so grateful. That has not changed.
It just has not been enough for me to continue putting in the time on this site for free. I have myself and a child/family to think about.
So with that, if anyone knows of someone who would like to buy this blog, let me know.
This is just another situation, again, where I put my heart into something and end up being abandoned.
I have visited this issue and done all I can to heal from it.
I just want to feel like I belong and that what I DO has value.
Why this ongoing rejection, I don’t know.
Surrender it all. Which I do. Daily now.
But still I wake up with a heaviness in my chest.
Why do I write these words?
Who will read them?
Who will respond with anything useful and truly loving.
I made a mistake coming to this reality.
And I made a mistake creating this site.
Expectations I have – yes I set them high – when I follow my heart.
Perhaps my ex was correct when he said “you wear your heart on your sleeve. You do that and you will get eaten alive.”
I have been eaten alive. He was right.
And I despise him for that as he is one of the 99% who refuse to awaken to their hearts, instead continuing the same pattern of darkness, projecting it onto others, dismissing suffering and calling foul when someone speaks from their pain.
God forbid someone asks for help, right?
I know what Love is.
I know what Love does.
That’s all there is to say.
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