There is a lot going on today – some being part of the showing of that horrid, ugly clown show timeline.
But I don’t care about any of that today.
What I care about is my daughter and me. At this moment, me.
I was scheduled to have a phone call today finalizing all paperwork I have signed, dated, filled out, and submitted. The email stated 3:30 pm. I checked. I had my daughter check just to provide a backup brain. I put it on the calendar. The call came in at 3pm. I was not by my phone. I missed the call. I called the number and was told “This number is no longer in service”. I tried again – same thing. So I called the main switchboard and got through. He had me at 3pm. I read straight from the email. 3:30pm. Says that right here.
Did the paperwork that was mailed out by the other adult in this house last Tuesday ever arrive?
NOPE.
So I have to start all over again.
A G A I N.
My brain screamed “NO I AM NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!!”
I was at the park until almost 2am last night – crying, then just sitting in silence, praying (after being told “You need Jesus” – but someone I don’t know – by a WOMAN no less – who doesn’t know I have prayed to Jesus for over a f’ing year). Then just – sitting.
My life experience has pushed me over the edge – mentally.
I’ve had unwanted advice “up to here”.
I am so grateful for the few of you who listen and hear me. Who offer support without expectation or advice.
I have learned there is a science behind those moments when we are told what to do or offered unwanted advice. It triggers a part of our brain that is responsible for those moments when we rebel. Unwanted advice is not the answer. Never. NEVER NEVER NEVER.
Not unless one is ASKED.
That’s how it is with me.
And I have begun removing people from my life who have failed to respect that boundary I clearly state. Those who all they do is offer unwanted advice – repeatedly (I need to clarify that).
Last night I was told, “No one is going to show up and rescue you”. This came from a woman who was f’ing rescued. On several occasions. She had someone offer her a place to live. She had another person who offered the same in another move. She had a group of women show up and help her $$.
Then claims she did it all herself.
I’ve seen this time and again with some women in this spiritual new age type bullshit. They get help to get from point A to point B, then claim they did it all themselves.
Spiritual Ego is toxic as fuch.
And yet, you know what?
As a woman, I get the reason behind it.
I am seeing a lot of women getting angry. Calling out the men. Calling out the patriarchy. That dominant energy has pervaded this toxic cesspool. We thrive with BALANCE, and as women, we intuitively KNOW there has been a gross lack of that balance. We experience it. We fucking live it.
We see women who are sensitive or prefer to be solo or who see the hypocrisy and bullshit and call it out called “selfish” or “crazy cat ladies” or “fem nazi’s”. We’re told, “You’re being too emotional”. Last night, when I was told no one is going to rescue you and I pointed out how this woman had received help (including by ME in the form of a financial donation), I was told not to “get pissy” with her.
EXCUSE ME?
Where is this feminine ability to COMMUNICATE?
To be AUTHENTIC?
Something collective in us is rising, and it’s time to own it and support one another.
Show up. Ask a Sister what she needs. Unwanted advice, then refusal to own your own b.s. is not how you connect. OR heal. This matrix has programmed us to attack one another as women. Women vs. women.
Who talks about that?
A friend of mine on Twitter was making comments today along those lines, saying women, especially mothers, need to tell our story.
We need to be heard.
WE need to be supported.
We need the other side to hear how afraid we have felt. How unsupported we have been. How this system values masculine energies, traits, and gifts but ignores, dismisses, discounts, and abuses feminine energies, traits, and gifts. As a woman, how many times have you received the eye roll or the scoff when you just KNOW something and you state that to a man?
Hmmm?
Uh huh.
Me too.
And I’ve long said if suddenly there was a switch and men had periods and were the ones to get pregnant, they would unite and demand free pads and tampons, time off work during their cycles (paid), and payment for being a stay-at-home dad.
Which would be their right – and a right I would support. As would many, if not most, women.
This Awakening is messy and divisive. Our wounds are festering and screaming to be embraced with compassion. We do not have to do this alone. Nor should we. Healing happens the deepest and most authentic when done WITH others. We are literally wired to heal and connect TOGETHER.
At the very least, we need to stop name-calling, judging, abusing, and harming one another, and instead show up for one another. Show up, stay there, and STFU if you can’t ask what you CAN do TO support. Because for me, that is, there is nothing more dismissive and painful than the assumption that one knows what is best for another. You find that out through quieting your own mind and listening.
Just listening.
Difficult to do – I get that.
But necessary if we are ever to truly unite.
💖
Victoria
