Time. Time is moving so fast now. I was thinking of everything I still wanted to do today. Dinner. Order a book for my girl. Walk. Vacuum. Laundry. I managed to get it all in – including making a blueberry pie from scratch in 8 minutes. No joke. I surprised myself.
Lots going on. Let’s get to it.
💖
Victoria
*********
What are the odds? Moving about GREENLAND coming up this Friday the 9th:
Anniversary of when he left this place – 1.7 (17):
- Vessel had been renamed and registered under Russian flag
- Seizure took place in the Atlantic, near Iceland
- Pursuit of vessel was part of US pressure campaign on Venezuela
- Seizure took place days after capture of President Nicolas Maduro
- Coast Guard also seized another Venezuela-linked tanker
UPDATED:
Venezuela Updates: U.S. Forces Seize Two Tankers; Rubio Lays Out Plan for American Control
https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01/07/world/venezuela-us-trump
The New INVERTED Pyramid. Flipping the script – literally. A lot of meat, butter, eggs, fruits and veggies. The body NEEDS protein to build strong bones, muscles, tissue, etc. When I made just one switch from toast and cereal for breakfast to eggs, butter and bacon? I lost the 20 lbs I had not been able to lose. That was the only change. And I felt better – no carb crash.
https://understandingwar.org/research/middle-east/iran-update-january-7-2026
US is getting ripped off. Current market price in USD in China:
There are MANY homes around here corporate-owned:
January 11, 2026 = 1/11/10 or 1/11/1 or 11.11
The Red Folder:
Some interesting theorizing. It will happen when it happens…
MN
Current feeeeeeeeeels:
(she does such amazing work – no fancy titles – just a woman who has been there):
Ashley Nicole
THE “QUIET” SYMPTOMS OF C-PTSD (THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO MISLABEL)
(You’re not lazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re not broken. You’re thawing.)
Let’s talk about the parts of C-PTSD no one warns you about.
Not the flashbacks people expect.
Not the panic attacks they recognize.
I’m talking about the quiet symptoms—the ones that get mistaken for personality flaws, laziness, moodiness, or “you just need to try harder.”
Spoiler: you’re not failing.
Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive.
.•:*:•.
WHAT “QUIET” C-PTSD ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE (DAILY LIFE EDITION)
C-PTSD doesn’t always scream.
Sometimes it whispers.
It looks like:
• bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix
• delayed emotional reactions (you feel it days later… or not at all)
• zoning out without realizing you left the room mentally
• constant self-doubt even when you know you’re capable
• executive dysfunction (you want to do the thing… the body says “no”)
• not being able to sit still OR not being able to move
• chores piling up because your brain is already at capacity
• avoiding texts, calls, or conversations—not because you don’t care, but because you don’t have the bandwidth
• smiling on autopilot while feeling completely disconnected inside
• masking to survive (and no, not the same kind narcissists do)
• contradiction: high insight + low energy, deep empathy + strong avoidance
None of this means you’re broken.
It means your system learned to conserve energy in an unsafe world.
*:•.•:*
THE NEUROSCIENCE PART (WHY THIS ISN’T A CHARACTER ISSUE)
This is where the dots connect.
When people call trauma survivors “lazy,” what they’re actually witnessing is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.
This is part of Polyvagal Theory and it’s not optional.
When fight or flight failed repeatedly, the nervous system pulls the emergency brake.
The body enters a hibernation-like state to preserve life.
You cannot willpower your way out of it.
You cannot “push through” a shutdown state.
Your body isn’t refusing to move.
It’s protecting you.
That exhaustion sleep doesn’t fix?
That’s HPA-axis dysregulation—the system that manages cortisol and adrenaline.
When your body has been marinating in stress hormones for too long, the receptors burn out.
This is physiological depletion, not a motivation problem.
Executive dysfunction and zoning out?
That’s the Anterior Cingulate Cortex being impacted—an area responsible for attention, task-switching, and emotional regulation.
This is a hardware issue.
Not a discipline failure.
.•:*:•.
WHY GOING QUIET ISN’T “THE SILENT TREATMENT”
When trauma is triggered, blood flow decreases to Broca’s Area—the speech center of the brain.
Translation:
You literally lose access to language.
That “I can’t text back.”
That “I don’t have the words.”
That going completely quiet?
That’s not avoidance or punishment.
That’s speechless terror.
Your brain temporarily loses the physiology required to articulate complex thoughts.
Silence isn’t cruelty here.
It’s biology.
*:•.•:*
ABOUT MEMORY GAPS & INCONSISTENCIES (THIS MATTERS)
Trauma disrupts the hippocampus, which stores memory in linear order.
That’s why survivors remember events in fragments:
sensations, images, emotions—out of sequence.
This is often weaponized against victims:
“You said Tuesday, now you’re saying Wednesday.”
But here’s the forensic reality:
Inconsistent recall is a hallmark of trauma, not deception.
A calm, linear story is easier for a regulated brain.
A fragmented story is proof the system was overwhelmed.
.•:*:•.
STRUCTURAL DISSOCIATION (WHY YOU FEEL CONTRADICTORY)
C-PTSD often creates structural dissociation.
There’s:
• the ANP (Apparently Normal Part) — the adult you who understands everything
• the EP (Emotional Part) — the traumatized part holding the steering wheel
That’s why you can be:
Highly self-aware AND completely depleted.
Insightful AND frozen.
It’s not hypocrisy.
It’s two parts trying to survive the same body.
And what many people mistake for depression is often functional freeze:
high internal arousal with external shutdown.
You’re not numb because nothing’s happening.
You’re numb because too much is happening at once.
*:•.•:*
SMILING, AGREEING, STAYING PLEASANT (LET’S NAME IT)
That smile you put on when you feel unsafe?
That’s the Fawn Response.
It’s a biological submission signal meant to de-escalate a perceived threat.
It’s not manipulation.
It’s not being fake.
It’s your nervous system saying:
“Please don’t hurt me.”
.•:*:•.
WHY REST IS MISLABELED AS FAILURE
Western culture ties worth to productivity.
Sociology calls this the Productivity = Value fallacy.
But for trauma survivors, rest isn’t indulgent.
It’s neurological repair.
There’s also the sociological concept of the “Sick Role.”
People are allowed to rest when injuries are visible.
C-PTSD survivors are denied that role because their wounds are invisible.
You’re not “having a bad day.”
You’re injured.
And processing safety is work.
*:•.•:*
THE DEEPER WOUND: MORAL INJURY
C-PTSD isn’t just fear-based.
There’s often moral injury—a soul-level fracture that happens when someone who was supposed to protect you caused harm.
That’s why you see:
deep empathy + strong avoidance
wanting connection + not trusting anyone with access
You’re not antisocial.
Your trust center was shattered.
.•:*:•.
ABOUT THAT “DANGER” FEELING YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN
If you grew up in narcissistic or abusive systems, you likely developed exceptional pattern recognition.
Your body learned to track:
• tone shifts
• micro-expressions
• inconsistencies
• energy changes
• what isn’t being said
Your body knows before your brain does.
The conflict happens when empathy steps in and tries to override it:
“Maybe I’m wrong.”
“Maybe I’m projecting.”
“Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt.”
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a beautiful heart.
We’re not removing it.
We’re teaching it discernment.
*:•.•:*
SMALL, SAFE WAYS TO START PROTECTING YOURSELF (ONLY WHEN YOU’RE READY)
No pressure. No urgency. No fixing.
Just options.
• Pause before responding—not to be polite, but to let your body finish its sentence
• Name sensations instead of stories (“My chest feels tight” is data, not judgment)
• Delay decisions—clarity doesn’t happen in threat
• Treat confusion as information, not failure
• Notice who requires you to override yourself to stay connected
• Use neutral exits (“I’ll think about it.” “I need time.”)
• Track patterns, not intensity—consistency tells the truth
These are learned slowly.
In micro-moments.
At your pace.
.•:*:•.
THIS IS A SKILL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAUGHT
People with emotionally safe caregivers learned this quietly:
when to trust themselves
when to slow down
when to walk away without explaining
If you didn’t learn it?
You didn’t miss something.
You survived something.
We start when we start.
Readiness decides the pace.
*:•.•:*
FINAL TRUTH
You are not broken.
You are thawing.
You are integrating.
You are learning skills that were never modeled for you.
Your empathy is not a weakness.
Your sensitivity is not a liability.
Your awareness is not too much.
It just needs protection.
And you get to learn that slowly, safely, and on your terms.
I see you.
I believe you.
And you’re doing better than you think.
And some music to add in:
I would love to find a quiet, dark club that hires 3-piece jazz ensembles. Used to be one here in town I would hibernate in – in one of those old 70’s style malls. Got torn down, bought out and eventually turned into office buildings for the corporate hospital system. I really miss live music like this. Makes me happy inside.
ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com
CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144
