after a much needed purge listening to the wonderful classic country (still have it going, btw)….i was brought back again to the memories of my grandparents house. i was suddenly angry that i don’t have that family any longer. it isn’t fair they died. this went beyond anger. beyond ego. it went deep into the knowing – once again – that we were never originally created to die so young. to get sick so easily.
we’ve been so fucking robbed here.
after processing all of that, i went to the year 2012. the year of “so much stuff”. it was the year we were forced out of our previous home. during the holiday’s (late 2011/early 2012). very stressful which goes without saying. we had to surrender our dog to a rescue organization as this no-pets-policy-home was the only one available to rent during that time of year. our girl was a year old. our choice – take the home and have a place to live or keep going and live in a shelter – where we would still have to surrender our dog. the choice was obvious – but painful as crap. this realm puts us in situations far too often where our choices are limited, hampered and cause unnecessary harm. all because of another’s damn rule.
2 months later my mate had to have surgery and a week before his surgery, my grandma died. i don’t know how i dealt with this – obviously not fully. within weeks following his surgery, his health began to deteriorate – he lost weight – he was weakening. so many doctor visits. and yet finally a real diagnosis and things looked up in that regard. new doctor. new treatment protocol. during this time, however, sadly 2 friends of ours died. WTF life, i remember thinking. just STOP already with this shit.
and yet…..throughout all of this intense roller coaster riding, i began seeing things about 2012 and the prophecies and new earth. new earth? what was that, i wondered – intrigued. maybe the dreams of a new world we had had years ago meant something after all. the whole 2012 search, however, had to remain on the back burner though given the complexities of that year.
so 2012 began with a series of changes that left me feeling “am i coming am i going can i rest now?” THE year that so many were so focused on much in the way i am now. bringing in the new. (bringing it in – not really. at this point i am COMMANDING that into my experience.) acclimating to energies. etc. etc. and here i was, completely absorbed, out of necessity, in 3D living and doing’s. death. disease. caring for a baby and my mate. moving/unpacking and all that goes on with that. i kinda laugh at that now given who i am and who i had been until that time. very focused on all issues of spirit. conspiracies. and THE year that was alleged to be the pivotal for all of that “stuff” – and i was involved in none of it. at least i have a good sense of irony and humor around it (well….when the best within has been soothed that is – ha).
and yet there is that underlying sense of “it’s not fair”. this realm isn’t fair to any of us. obviously. deception at every corner and enslavement create that inner state and knowing. it’s understandable. i’m the type if you want to express such words (and i am not too already overwhelmed myself at the time), i call you over and say sit by me and let it out. i get it.
i reflect on how much control i play in this experience. with so many of us saying “what the frig is taking so long? i am DONE here.” heck, even people who aren’t into new earth are telling me the same. as one recently said, they were so ready for a new chapter to this book. the fatigue is in all of us – whether we are conscious of it or not. i see it in people’s eyes often these days.
ready for a new chapter.
yes we are. a new chapter on which to write and create. and my chapter includes the story that includes families who stay together. where there is no illness (or at least if one crops up it’s cured easily). we live as LONG AS WE CHOOSE to live in these physical bodies. there is no poverty. no homelessness. no hunger. no god damn awful horrible suffering – the kind that is created when others hold the illusion they can power over others.
that is a chapter i am ready to slam shut.
happy writing in the NEW.
love,
victoria
******
Thank you for supporting my work. I offer a donation-based/reader-supported site. Donations are always welcome and needed. To leave a little love, please follow the link below.
[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]
