Word of the day: Frustration!!

 

as i sit here contemplating this day – where a piece of the mower broke off (it’s only 2 years) and where my computer keyboard is having keys that are sticking and where the computer i was gifted turns out to have memory that is over half less of what i have now – and i am at max capacity w/this one – so i have put out feelers to borrow a keyboard until i have the money to buy one to just attach and continue to milk this one along….where my mate has fallen off his bike and my little one took 2 spills yesterday….

where all is still ok and yet it isn’t, you know?

i am grateful we are ok and have what we have….

and yet i am internally strongly feeling quite done and continue to be DONE with this whole game. this lie.  this, this realm of shit.

and the voice nudging me to hurry and finish up this piece and link it up because i don’t know how much longer the keyboard on this laptop will hold up – which is true – and yet again, you know?

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is almost 5pm.  i haven’t a clue what to fix for dinner.  nothing sounds good.  no.  thing.  i want new.  i feel i continue to get squeezed to push away this realm – so fine, i let it go.  i have no issues in doing that.

but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

i need new to come along in its place.

yesterday.

thank you.

is that asking for too much?  lol

so ok enough of that…………i had more programs become present in my awareness.  the “excuse me” when one sneezes or burps.  or passes gas.

programming.

why should i or any of us offer up this shame-based “woops” when it is a common noise our bodies naturally exhibit?  we may as well be saying “oh i am so sorry for being human.”  it’s as ridiculous as apologizing for the noise our feet make when we walk across the floor.

so we will no longer be engaged in that program.

one last note – i had a dream last night where i feel it was a part of me – perhaps – the energy felt very familiar – activated the energy in my lower spine, which allowed me to float and filled me up with such beautiful love that flowed around my heart like the most perfect manna i could bathe in.

love,

victoria

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