This is what keeps happening to me – all for sharing my buymeacoffee work. Mom here trying to increase her income – and there are Karen’s and karl’s who think I shouldn’t be promoting my business there – even though it’s perfectly allowed. No coincidence this began after I called out the local agency for totally dropping the ball on me last year, wrote up a piece and shared it there. I am appealing – again. Once reinstated, I will be at it again and will likely encounter more K’s.
Phone tag continues with a new “down the road/get on the waitlist” agency.
Hmm, what else? Oh yes, I’m so blessed to be under attack from every possible angle now. (I use sarcasm when I’m overloaded with emotional pain). This week alone I was called stupid cunt, told to go back home to mommy, told to suck it up and be a man (lol – clearly the name Victoria is female, right?). So blessed to be reaching out to people online and simply asking, “hey can you please share my work? I would really appreciate it” and not a one has done anything. So blessed to have eaten my dinner alone – again – at the park where I called up a friend who has been in a similar situation – just needing to have some space held for me. Even for just 5 minutes. But the call quickly turned into her – all about her – and I just couldn’t take it.
What do I have to do? Threaten to kill myself to get some fucking love?
So in the end, perhaps, I end up alone. Me – the person who has tried to create a tribe, but apparently, I am a solo traveller. So living in a van down by the river is my future – if I could afford the van. After every fucking thing I have invested and tried and all of the people who I thought had a heart and a Soul I have asked for help – support – not like I’ve said hey, empty out your bank account and hand it over or asked for anything unrealistic – just a “can you share this?” and NOTHING. I am NOTHING to this reality. For if someone cannot do something as simple as sharing my situation, sharing my work, then they never cared.
Foolish me. I thought that when I cared, I would receive that in return. Joke is on me. I hope the matrix is having a good laugh. I am ready for the good riddance part. This week has been the absolute epitome of the most suck of all weeks. My heart hurts so much – it’s unbearable. It really is unbearable for me now. Too much truth? This is just me being me. I’ve been too naive. Too trusting. Too hopeful. Or so I’ve also been told. But I know who I am. And I am fine with who I am and how I am. I am not the problem. Humanity lost its Soul.
Over and out.
V.
