One of the reasons I have been quiet this week is that I learned one of the Anons I knew decided he had had enough of this reality and took his own life. This has left me thinking all sorts of thoughts. Could anyone have stopped him? What I knew was his wife had been very sick for some time, and as I understand it, she died shortly before he took his life. He was showing the struggle of dealing with his wife’s ongoing health battles, at one point talking about how easy it would be just to take the pills he had. Many of us showed up to encourage him in the only way we knew how. But just like every one of us who has that “free will” piece of us, prayers, encouragement, money – none of that was enough to motivate him, encourage him to stick around a while longer.
Then there are the emotions. Sadness. Just why, you know? And anger. Again, Just why?
I saw Scavino show some more pictures of storm images, followed by pretty rainbows. And it only made me angry. Really? In the midst of the death of one of the plan’s supporters, he posts this gaslighting shit? Images we have seen for f’ing YEARS? Same gawd damn images. And this is supposed to make things ok. Better.
It has me questioning everything now.
My interest in the plan has waned in recent weeks.
Who exactly is this for?
And why?
Every day lately, we see things that are not actors in disguise. For instance, the people in Venezuela – are those just more movie scenes? Not that I can see. If White Hats are in control – patriots – show us some fucking proof already.
What about my own life?
And the life of others I know including a new friend who is living in a f’ing church with her child.
What about the 67-year-old grandma I saw living in her car for the last 6 years?
67 years old.
Living in her car.
For SIX FUCKING YEARS.
All while the fucking plan shows proof of all of the immigrants who were allowed in and took services.
MAJOR smack in the face.
Services that should be going to this 67-year-old woman.
She’s probably not aware of the plan.
Do you really think she would care about it, or is her focus on staying alive on the streets, finding enough food to eat each day, perhaps enjoying a warm shower now and then, praying each night that she locks her car door so she can get a few hours of peaceful, quiet, safe sleep?
Allowing suffering while SHOWING evil at the same time is not my idea of a benevolent plan.
Then there’s my own shit. My own worries. My daughter. Money. Health. And tbh? It isn’t about money. It’s about peace of mind. But money continues to be king, as does control of it and poisoning us while disclosure of it happens, but nothing fucking changes that we can SEE and benefit from, and all of it is utterly contrary to anyone with a Soul. It’s become too. fucking. much. And her dad has a very swollen knee that is hot, along with a fever. He refuses to get treatment. I spent a ton of time I yesterday trying to talk to a f’ing nurse (they will not due to privacy b.s.). She and I both spent time researching symptoms, and naturally, every result said “This is a medical emergency get to the ER”.
It is all too much now. It just simply is. I’m angry – very angry over this – my girl does not need this stress. Only thing I was told – I am allowed to call 911 if he collapses.
She needs peace.
I need peace.
So many of us need the same. fucking. thing.
But let’s just paint reflecting pools and show up online with back-and-forth bantering about Iran. Are we meeting or aren’t we? THEN let’s drop a cute little comm about 9/11.
Meanwhile, the suffering of those still here continues.
Finding peace, the only way I know how – playing the piano.
This one is for all who have given up. For those for whom their experience became covered in too much evil and darkness, darkness which was allowed to occur. There is good within each of us with a Soul. Feels like that’s all I have to hold onto anymore.
