Finds later. Most of you know about the arrest (and release) of Prince Andrew and his connections with J.E.
I want to share something I notice these days.
What happens when I share my writing works and ask for support on social media.
Follower count goes down.
Why is that?
I am honest. Transparent. Authentic.
I seriously battle PTSD and panic disorder. I see someone for it. I tried meds in the past – did not help. I know what does help: love. Support. Being seen. Knowing I’ve been heard. Those things help me trust. Open up. Makes it easier to expand. Healing does not occur in isolation. That is not how our nervous systems are designed. I’ve become a self-appointed expert in this area. Studied. Read. Learned a lot. eBook forthcoming.
My body pulls back when people suddenly disappear. Or criticize me for asking for support. It isn’t like I’m fundraising. I’m providing a service. I spend hours each day collecting finds, adding in my own insights and goodies and share here to a decent-sized audience. On my coffee site, I’m sharing stories. My music. Asking for some support in return. What is the crime in that? I see the numbers on my coffee page. Up to 200-300 reads per post.
I can’t seem to break through that filter around me.
I’m a mom who has been ignored and dismissed by every damn agency I’ve tried to get help from. These same agencies line up to give thousands to immigrants and refugees. Even locals in my community have criticized me when I ask for money for a service I provide – a service some have said they value.
My writings are my only viable option at this moment.
And anyone who is trying to find work and who has been trying to find work out there knows a few things: 1) it is ungodly competitive 2) it is who you know 3) if you are over 50, good luck
And if you have issues that hinder you from doing certain types of work, that adds another barrier.
Some say, “That world is crashing, let it go.”
I GET THAT. But it is still in that process, and none of us knows how long it will take.
And do you have a child who looks at you each day and says, “Mom, what are you going to do?”
I cannot take one more “I am praying for you” while refusing to share my work or open up with a willingness to HEAR ME. This type of dismissal is crushing me.
I’m screaming inside now. Crying out to the world: “I AM DOING MY BEST! Stop judging me. Stop going silent on me. Just please frigging help me.”
A better use of energy.
At the very least, share my work.
I don’t even see that happening.
I don’t get it.
I really don’t.
Lately, I feel this 4-6% is a group I am in – a very, very small number of real people here with a heart and a Soul.
My income is set to drop $400 in 2 months. And given the upcoming sale of the house, I honestly don’t know what the fuch I am going to do. I am losing sleep over this. I wake up in a panic. I am doing my damnedest to stay focused, pushing myself more than I should. But I won’t give up. I will pound on doors and badger people until I get the help I need because this is not just about me. It’s about my child. And when I hear “this is for the children,” I scream again inside.
It is?
PROVE IT.
When moms are supported, children thrive. And moms too.
It’s that simple.
We need to remember again what matters most. Our humanity. Each other.
💖
Victoria
