So I am at my other site – Victoria T is creating Intuitive Reflections of the world around me…. (buymeacoffee.com) – trying to put together a story.  My brain struggles to put the words together in a creative format lately.  I used to be such a good storyteller.  These days, it takes all I have just to put together brief commentary here much of the time.

My girl walks into the room where my desk is – asks if we can watch Charlie Brown Halloween later.  Sure, I told her, after I finish writing up my story, which I was struggling to do.  I couldn’t get it to flow – at all.

Then I pause.

“Be honest,” I told myself.  “I’m not in the space to write this story.  I’m too damn tired.  Admit it – you are just trying to raise some money because you’re broke!”  It was true.  Writing a story – doing something that is intuitively creative – you can’t force it.  And here I was trying to force it all for money.  So I closed the site and came here instead – to share an experience of manifesting I had earlier tonight while at the store.

My daughter and I went together.  She wanted to look at barbie dolls.  I wanted a pineapple.  I walk over to the Coinstar machine – hoping to find some change.  Nothing.  I lamented – out loud.  “Why is it your dad checks these things and usually finds change?  Piles of it!  What is it with me and money?  What exactly is it that I am manifesting?  What EXACTLY is finding me lately?”

I walk away and just then – I stop in my tracks.  My go-to comfort song is playing.  Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes.  Say Anything.  John Cusack.  There’s a yearlong story there – but it’s been around all that time – bringing me comfort when I need it.

I look up only to see I am in front of aisle 17.  I stand there – relishing the moment – and decide to go upstairs with my girl to look at barbies.  The Hot Wheels bin stops me.  After being given that 2009 DeLorean by my spouse in recent weeks – I’ve wanted another.  He has been looking all over town since then for one for himself without success.

I look inside the bin – and I immediately see 2 of them – right on top.  Tiffany Blue too.  I paused – should I spend the money?  Inner playful me reallllly wanted those DeLoreans.  Logical me spoke up.  It would be better used for food, she pointed out.  I hesitated – then chose to listen to the playful voice within and put the two cars in my bag.  I began to walk away but a nudge within told me I couldn’t leave without 3 – one for each of us.  I hesitated again.  More money.  Oh just fuch it, I told myself, digging down a few layers of cars.  And there it was – #3.  Into the bag she went with the other 2.

These moments – these finds – won’t buy food for myself and my family – but they do gift me with the knowing that I am not alone – and that I can still manifest here inside this place.

AND – most importantly – that something bigger – something beyond my beautiful brain – continues to build – that will bring me to everything I have longed for and intended.

It will be that way for us all.  💖💜💖

Love,

Victoria

What do you think?  There are no coincidences………..From Psalm 113

US DEBT CLOCK (more religious speak)……..don't like the terms lord – nor even god – perhaps it's a reference to Divine Real Creator – that resides in each of us……..Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/wWXDFVpvXV

— Luciana Nina Leone (@nina_leone11) October 22, 2023

More of this.  Less of the energies of today….

Ya.

Not liking the energy today.  Feels off.  Struggling to feeeeeeeeeeeel good – at all.  Was up early – agitated – very. agitated as in it took all of my energy, practices, etc. to soothe and calm down.

And even that felt fake. Forced.

Just more distracting.

My heart knows what it wants.  P E R I O D.  No denying that.  

The weather is not helping.  Cold.  Heavy clouds.  Occasional mist – someone above turning on one of the giant shower heads on spray.  Jesus, I thought – just turn it on full blast, get it over with and give us some sun!  Smells yug.  Mouth tastes like metal the past 2 days.

Attacks anyone?

Could NOT handle being inside this house one more second though, so I got on my bike, braced for the cold, crappy air and rode and rode and rode.  Fast.  Imagining all of my angst leaving.

Didn’t work of course other than to alleviate it a bit.  It’s in my mind.  My brain.  My heart.  My entire being.  No amount of bike riding will give me what I need.

I need the real deal.

I know ya’ll do as well – those with whom I talk to.  Those who are having a honeymoon of a time – well I don’t think they come here anymore.  😂😜

I’m getting angrier to be honest – angrier that it’s taking this long so others get the chance to play some level of catching up.  I don’t care about them.  I care about my kid who is stuck in this dayem mask-wearing, jabberwacky radiating supporters sunflower TDS gender neutral bathrooms once all girls clubs now open to all who identify AS a girl what is that is that a girl or a boy – she wants new – she needs new – NOW – yesterday – 3 years ago – and mama is throwing dart after f’ing dart at the dartboard trying to make such a move happen doable possible receiving block after block trying to stay sane and wear a smile everyday meanwhile her brain is starting to crack and her patience is sooooooooo f’ing thin now.

THAT IS WHO I CARE ABOUT.

I’m not ra ra unity everyone, ok?  Perhaps once the truth is actually dropped everywhere without ANYTHING ANYONE interfering or spinning – yes.  But now?  I don’t have that faith in humanity anymore as I once did.

So many dayem narratives.  We doing this for the normies.  But…..There are only a few of us left here and we’re awake (so then who is all of this show and tell for then? Hmmm?)  We gotta do the work before we get out.  Yeah?  Fuch that.  I NEED A VACATION.  I NEED TO BE PAMPERED.  THAT is the kind of “self work” I  need.  I’ve been doing the “work” for 30 years- self healing self reflecting reading counseling exploring herbs and meditation and every dayem new age guru etc. etc.  Anyone needing to do the work to get outta here – are those practicing and supporting evil.  THEY are the ones needing to “do the work”.  We’re POW’s who are traumatized and forced to survive in this world that is sooooo unnatural for us all.  As I said recently – you’re a miracle if you can get through the day – especially now – without smacking someone and holding a smile and word of kindness for another.

And in all honesty – for those of you at this for yearsssssssss – doesn’t the self “work” stuff feel unnatural now?  Forced?  Even perhaps fake?

Yeah.  Starting to feel that way for me as well.

What’s going on out there?  Anyone?  lol

I’ll dive in later – perhaps.  For now I got more homemade bread going and gonna make some comfort food for dinner.  Although homemade bread with real butter sounds comforting in and of itself.

Love,

V.

******

I am deeply struggling today – struggling to keep going mentally (without losing my sheot).  Doesn’t this war experience feel like we get into a good flow and see movement then we see backlash and reversal of positive movement?  Are we really getting closer to the finish line or is there even one?  Yeah, yeah, I know – that’s what any “enemy” wants us to think.  But this is a legitimate question coming from a space deep within who is worn the full on fuch out and yet who finds a way to keep going each day.

Check this out.  Latest secret window image from US DEBT CLOCK:

Really?

First the obvious – silver coin doesn’t equate to the bills – meaning our bills aren’t metal backed.  (DUH)

Then the uncle sam speech:

So they are telling us not to remain confused and bitter and distracted and dejected while this war plays out which has CAUSED confusion and bitterness and feelings of dejection – not to mention the lies of the psyop makes us all look g.d. gullible at times given our feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels are often wrong.

They want us EMPOWERED again?

Drop the whole fuching truth EVERYWHERE so that NO outlet can spin it back into a lie.

Then RETURN OUR WEALTH.

RETURN all means to truly HEAL.

For now – telling us this – accomplishes nothing other than pouring salt on a festering, open wound – for me that is – while making every one of us who are even slightly awake to go “NO DUH that’s what ‘they’ want!”

BTW – anyone know what that green/red symbol is?  Reference to a country?  I don’t know.  At this point – as far as I’ve come – as long as I’ve been at this – I need some EZ work and spoon-feedin’.  As I began to tell anyone this past year who would think of judging me – walk in my shoes for a day then tell me that.  We’re all battling our own battles now – some more than others.  When I say I need EZ and some spoon-feedin’, I am being as truthful as I can be.

Well if anything, this experience has made me much more comfortable saying what I need and being blunt about it when necessary.

As I said online – there are two classes of people now in this movement – those who are done as one can be done and those who are still trusting the plan – allowing it to play out.

Some still scream to DO SOMETHING – in terms of getting involved locally.  The areas that are so heavily invested in the agenda – in which is my area – where I am lucky to find that needle in the haystack (a few of them).  When we need the majority to fight back instead of just an army of a few – what’s the point?  How effective is that?  We need the truth dropped everywhere in full.  We need ANY outlet that can spin the lie back around and keep the people comfortably asleep REMOVED.

Please tell me I am not alone in this thinking – especially at this point.  Drawing this out from here on out – we’re suffering more collateral loss – more harm – more trauma.

Jesus – as I said – this plan needs to have in place RESOURCES for those struggling.  When one is just working to eat – living in poverty – with or without kids – having to live with family – or living in any situation that is creating chronic stress – it f’ing wears on you – so you don’t have the time much less the energy to get involved politically.  For me, this work, this IS my “doing”.  I have Z E R O desire now to speak up locally.  I’d be a lone voice (well if a few others joined in) in a sea of opposition.  I. just. don’t. have. it. in. me. to take on that fight.

Not anymore.  I’d rather just jet off someplace new and different that is at least safer, smaller and more affordable.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP breath:::::::::::::::::::::::::

How are you all doing today?

Love,

V.