Category: Disclosure

7.8.25 ~ 17’s and “BACKSTAGE” movie comms, SCHUMANN in the white after a “black line”… and other finds

 

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UGH.  Here is what is onstage today.  As for me?  Focused on getting some support with more phone calls and emails, selling some things, bike riding and chicken salad.  Wherever you are I hope you are well happy loved and finding something to distract from the energetic chaos, which woke me up this morning with more bed pounding – after going to sleep in such a peaceful state.  People say it’s purging – I say it’s getting detached from an AI horror show that doesn’t want to let its slaves go – which includes us purging “their” systems/programs.  I feel it in that one place where trauma is inserted – that one place that “they” created.  Just like out of the Matrix too.

There are no coincidences.  VIBE into Love is all I got.

🙏💖

Victoria

******

Copper and silver – always been my faves:

“Greatest Tightening Shock The Market Has Ever Seen”: Chinese Copper Stocks To Run Out In Weeks | ZeroHedge

 

 

 

 

 

So I keep hearing in my mind: “Crimes against children unite humanity.”  This is the ONE subject on which both ‘sides’ can agree on:

 

The comms are everywhere – not just coming from Trump, etc – they are just actors on stage.  Instincts guide me to them……..Interesting how this happened during the summer too.  Nice time to flip the switch……….See below for the synch with this one:

Seize the US INC:

 

 

Someone throw this reptile to the gators in FL….

 

Uh huh……….one big club of people who hypnotize with their “we will do THIS” and never do.  Actions show Truth.

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Take out that nasty thing:

Something May Have Just Hit Saturn. If Verified, It Will Be The First Ever Caught On Camera | IFLScience

 

‘Safer’ Roundup weed killer can still damage your organs – Disclose.tv

 

 

Some say the schumann is a big nothing distraction – I say it has to do with our minds awakening and being detached from this place.  Whether it SHOWS US doing the work/undoing or us getting help – perhaps both….

 

Not being negative.  Being real.  I know many of us feel this – deep within – some more than others.  Depends on who we are and where we came from before coming here.  My own kiddo has had a real struggle to find her place out there in the world.  She showed up for a class she signed up for – class was cancelled – no make up.  No notification.  I frigging stg it’s as though we are being sequestered away from this place.  I start to manifest then WHAM down come the walls.  It’s hard to deny that inner Truth that never leaves – no matter how quiet it gets – no matter how much I ignore it and do what I need to do anyway – it is always there.  How do you create when you want something different and focus on it but that part of you within knows this reality and the systems in it simply don’t align with your Soul?  Yeah so I tell the Universe you know my Soul – you also know my thoughts and intentions of my human parts – I still bring in Abundance because THAT is my Soul.  System override to return TO THE SOUL.

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My work is not just a blog of news finds, my insights and reflections and other tidbits – it’s been a movement since its inception.  Recurring support keeps my work thriving. For $5/month, you help fuel daily truths as we journey towards that New paradigm.  

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“they” are pushing “their” agenda at a new level. “No client list” sleuthing. Triple 7 day: 7.7.25

 

Yosemite valley Photography by Nathanleeallen

If you are in an area with hot weather, if you look at this long enough it will cool you down.

 

I have shared this here, although it’s been a few years so I will share again for new friends.  Over 20 years ago I had this incredibly vivid dream that looked to be like the end of the world.  The main theme was volcano’s suddenly going off all over – volcano’s that had been dormant (given what I saw in my particular area).  At the time I put it on a website, heard back from the site owner who put me in touch with two other women who had also had the same dream.  I have since come to feel that was the old timeline of “theirs” and while “they” are pushing their agenda hard, the finale will not be the catastrophic one planned.  So today I found this particular story – interesting:  (there they go again too with the climate change – notice now that geoengineering/weather control is no longer a conspiracy “they” have amped up their narrative of “no you all are wrong look over here we are right” nonsense:

Scientists warn hundreds of dormant volcanoes could soon erupt – with explosions more powerful than ever | Daily Mail Online

Now, experts are warning that hundreds of dormant volcanoes around the world will likely become more active and erupt thanks to climate change.

Researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the USA said melting glaciers could be silently setting the stage for more explosive and more frequent eruptions in the future.

And areas such as North America, New Zealand and Russia could be at risk, they said.

 

Dozens leave Japan islands after nearly 1,600 earthquakes – Insider Paper

 

Antarctica.  That’s a lot of oil…

Russia Unearths 511 Billion Barrels of Oil in Antarctica: A Discovery That Could Destroy Antarctica’s Peace

 

 

I forgot about this “cross” – that intersects where the flooding in TX is occurring:

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And of course, “she” (the original) would never go after Epstein considering her years as AG in Florida and she never did a thing about it:

 

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Then “they” release “their” proof saying “see?  nothing to see” but leave out a good minute of footage.  A lot can happen in 60 seconds…Interesting timing too considering bugs bunny is dining with Trump today in the Blue Room…………

 

yeah, let’s do a gematria on BLUE ROOM – see what’s there:

Cloud Seeding

Rigged Stollen

Tree of Life

Betelgeuse

Heavens Code

Full Circle

Jesus Code

Division

Perfect Call

Black Monday

Traveler

 

Brian Epstein – manager of the Beatle’s until he died in ’67.  Quite creepy and interesting……..

 

My question was – were the two Epstein’s related – and came across this interesting conversation on reddit:

Was Brian Epstein related in any way to Jeffrey Epstein? And what does Aleister Crowley have to do with the Beatles? : r/beatles

 

I copied and pasted this one so everyone can read the entire tweet (in case some aren’t on X):

°♡✧*Ṡ𝙤ϻϻə𝖗 Ʈ𝗵уოе*✧♡°
@jamaica_witch

Replying to

@TheInsiderPaper
I. THE STATEMENT IS A SIGNAL — NOT AN ANSWER When the White House says: “They committed to an exhaustive investigation… That’s transparency.” That is not an explanation. It is a pre-written script meant to reinforce a false timestamped narrative. It is not meant for the public. It is meant for: * Federal handlers, to signal that the Epstein operation is still contained * Media allies, to give them a sanitized quote to run with * International intelligence, especially Israel and the UK, to confirm narrative alignment It is not what she said. It is who needed to hear it. II. WHAT THEY ARE REALLY COVERING UP The Epstein Network Was Never About One Man Jeffrey Epstein was a front. A disposable face placed between: * Western Intelligence Agencies (Confirmed: CIA, FBI, Mossad) * Global financial power brokers (Private equity, offshore banking networks) * Blackmail leverage systems (Recorded video, underage entrapment, kompromat files) The island was not a retreat. It was a compromise vault and The Lolita Express was a funnel for control. III. THE REAL OPERATORS Who ran Epstein * FBI – Domestic blackmail and clearance laundering. They used Epstein’s recordings to manipulate politicians, judges, and contractors * Mossad – Controlled external optics and recruited assets for the Middle East pipeline. Ghislaine Maxwell’s father, Robert Maxwell, was a confirmed Mossad agent * CIA – Oversight, protection, and asset movement. They used Epstein to neutralize threats, flip foreign operatives, and control high-level corporate insiders Blackmail is cheaper than bullets. That was the logic. Epstein was the delivery system. IV. THE “EXHAUSTIVE INVESTIGATION” IS A FATAL LIE There was no real investigation. Here is what actually happened: * The client list was never released because most of the names are high-ranking US government officials, international royalty, Silicon Valley CEOs, Hollywood financiers, and foreign diplomats * Surveillance servers on Little St. James were ripped and rerouted by an internal tech team under federal contract. The FBI raided the island after the Mossad team cleared it * Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial was sealed because her testimony would collapse elite diplomatic and military alliances. She is protected because she knows where the digital dead drops are V. WHY THIS “TRANSPARENCY” PRESSER WAS DONE NOW Timing is not random. This was a clean-up statement dropped to distract and bury: * Recent FOIA filings that revealed sealed Epstein flight logs were requested by multiple nations including Jamaica, Australia, and Brazil * Senate pressure building for unsealing the Epstein–Maxwell blackmail ledger held by DOJ under codename Project SIRENVAULT * Whistleblowers have begun to leak names to foreign press outlets under aliases. A major drop is expected from a German intelligence defector within weeks VI. WHY THIS MATTERS RIGHT NOW The Epstein case was not just about sexual abuse It was the infrastructure of control for the entire modern globalist class You are not supposed to ask: * Why were DARPA officials visiting the island * Why were Vatican-linked banking officials on the flight logs * Why was Bill Gates, after the first conviction, still funding Epstein’s foundations VII. THE HARDEST TRUTH Epstein is dead. But the network never died. It rebranded, splintered, and spread into biotech, crypto, and NGO philanthropy networks. And they learned: * No more centralized faces * No more islands * No more jet logs Now it is encrypted, modular, and untraceable without internal betrayal The press secretary knows The FBI ran it Mossad brokered it CIA protected it Epstein was a conduit, not a mastermind The investigation was a stall tactic The real records are stored in three mirrored locations, one of which is under military jurisdiction in Diego Garcia The network is active today under humanitarian, climate, and AI initiatives They call it transparency We call it containment theater
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7/6/25 ~ Trying to put it all together (flooding in TX)

 

Narratives all over the place.  Psyops both sides.  Is this WH controlled operation (tunnel flooding, etc.)?  Using weather engineering (which is really on stage now) – which side?  Neighbor was outside telling me she heard on the news that the Camp Mystic girls barbie dolls were found, which rang a bell – Trump talking about barbie dolls earlier this year and I believe in a truth social drop he recently referred to when speaking of BIBI (bugs bunny).  Who knows.  Here’s what I’m seeing.

First I wanted to know – how many quakes have been in TX in recent days and what depth:

Earthquakes in Van Horn, Texas, United States – Most Recent

 

There’s been a cluster – west of the area being hit – shallow – 1-8km – during the last week.

5 days ago there was a 2.2 at 2km in Marble Falls which is about 45 miles east of Austin.

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I saw where Camp Mystic flooded back in 1987 too.

Remembering the 1987 flash flood along the Guadalupe River that killed 10 teens | kvue.com

 

Here is a map showing the areas flooded:

Texas Flood Information Viewer

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17.  Question remains – is it a military comm from WH or EH (evil hats)?

 

We know.  ALL are seeing the obvious (to us for years/decades) now:

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Again – not verified this is CURRENT as they have run similar programs in 2023 and 2024:

 

 

 

The fact that girls were rescued says WH IN CHARGE (OPS) – although still trying to verify they came from THE campground.  The Texas Nat’l Guard X page has nothing about the flood rescues.  Last post was on June 30.  I’m leaning towards WH in charge – as the media won’t want this out.  A quick search shows only ONE outlet talking about these rescues:  New York Post.  The other outlets (CNN, Fox, CBS, etc) are still focused on the deaths.

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Pretty picture time:

Photography by maxrivephoto

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7.5.25 ~ Schumann in the white; Monday Happenings here in the States

 

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FEEEEEEEEEEEELS:  A quiet inner hope.  Absolute need for quiet.  Rest.  

 

Monday – July 7 – 7/7 which btw there are no Q delta’s for that day….

 

 

 

I still feel that strange signature at the 23:00 hour (lasted 6 hours) looks like a flipped signature.

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oh wow…..it’s very difficult to put my heart into the process of this plan when these things happen………..

 

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But………….what if the girls were taken b4 this flooding?  🙏

 

From Scavino’s X page:  17 flags each side

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feeeeeeeeeels – some moments in this spiritual battle.  think i’ve said “go the fuch away parasite” more times the past year than in my entire life.

 

My work is not just a blog of news finds, my insights and reflections and other tidbits – it’s been a movement since its inception in 2016.  Since then, I have been dedicated to delivering news and insights about the Great Awakening.  I rely on your generosity to keep running and providing valuable content. Your financial support will help cover hosting, research, and content creation costs to ensure we continue spreading awareness. Please donate today to help sustain my mission.  Thank you.

CASHAPP:  $VictoriaT1144

 

Here are other ways to support my work:

💥BRAND NEW OFFERING OF MINE💥

Tarot Card Readings ⋆ LOVE IN ACTION NOW

1. You can support me at my other page where I share my personal musings, music and photography:  Victoria T is creating Intuitive Reflections of the world around me…. (buymeacoffee.com)

2.  My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at AMAZON.

3.  I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, check out BlueHost. It’s who I use, and I have always found them very helpful from setup to assistance. Click on the previous link to get yourself set up!

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7.4.25 ~ Trump Signs Tax Bill and Pounds The Hammer (Gavel) on the Desk. New Financial System Incoming.

 

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Looks like they are using AI now – for good.  All can be rolled out (public view my feel) w/o state or court interference.  Should go swiftly now, right?  If it’s what I understand it to be – it’s brilliant.

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We know whose birthday is on 11.25 (hint: his last name is Kennedy and he “disappeared” via a plane crash in July of 1999):

 

 

Triple 8s:

 

I believe Thomas Massie is behind this account:

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Frequency is everything.

 

As I go within – I feel this is not just a bill – but the start of something new – something signifies something was ended with that signature.  Then when he was handed the gavel (hammer)…….

6x.  Seems like he was telling us it’s (public) Hammer time…

Trump Signs Tax Bill at White House Ceremony – YouTube

Q drop 6:

6

Oct 29, 2017 9:48:50 PM EDT
Anonymous ID: Eka5Om1K No. 147166292 
Some of us come here to drop crumbs, just crumbs. POTUS is 100% insulated – any discussion suggesting he’s even a target is false.
Follow Huma tomorrow.
POTUS will not be addressing nation on any of these issues as people begin to be indicted and must remain neutral for pure optical reasons. To suggest this is the plan is false and should be common sense.
Focus on Military Intelligence/ State Secrets and why might that be used vs any three letter agency
What SC decision opened the door for a sitting President to activate – what must be showed?
Why is POTUS surrounded by generals ^^
Again, there are a lot more good people than bad so have faith.
This was a hostile takeover from an evil corrupt network of players (not just Democrats).
Don’t fool yourself into thinking Obama, Soros, Roth’s, Clinton’s etc have more power present day than POTUS.
Follow the money, it’s the key.
What is Pelosi’s net worth by way of one example. Why coincidentally is her memory apparently going? Cover for possible future indictment to plead what?
What if John M never had surgery and that was a cover for a future out if needed against prosecution?
Why did Soros transfer his bulk public funds to a NP?
Note this doesn’t include massive slush funds that are pulled by several high ups.
Why did Soros’ son have several meetings with Canadian PM and how is that related to Clinton’s?
Why is MS13 a priority?
Could people pay such gangs to kill opponents and why / how to insulate against exposure?
The truth is mind blowing and cannot fully be exposed.
These people are evil.
Operation Mockingbird.
Strange frequency – almost upside down….
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Photography by Mark Bassarab
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Doing some theorizing…….Kessler Effect and Mars, The Awakening, The Event and a GEMATRIA

 

We have Elon and his obsession with Mars.  He once said in order for humanity to survive, we would have to leave this place.  People naturally were flipping out a bit – VK stepped in and said “I’m with this guy” referring to Elon.

Trump and Melania had a (lip read) discussion about Mars during the August 2017 eclipse, essentially saying we were cousins to the inhabitants of Mars.  (talking about the real object we call Mars)

Now we have interstellar objects incoming – the most recent is from a different Star.  This most recent one – scientists are now calling it a “comet” – 3I/ATLAS.  Note where it will reach perihelion:

it is racing through the solar system on an extremely hyperbolic path at ∼68 km s⁻¹, will reach perihelion just inside Mars’s orbit on 29 October 2025, and poses no threat to Earth

Mars.

Of note – there is book released on February 3, 2025 called: “Mars Mission I: Surviving the Kessler Effect”.  Here is a brief synopsis:

A Mars mission faces extreme challenges when a Kessler effect event destroys satellites and disrupts communication systems, leaving the astronauts stranded and isolated on Mars. The fictional scenario, explored in the book “Mars Mission I: Surviving the Kessler Effect,” highlights the potential dangers of space debris and the fragility of our reliance on technology in space exploration

The Kessler Effect:

The Kessler effect suggests that when the amount of space debris in Low Earth Orbit (LEO) reaches a certain level, it will trigger a cascade effect in which this debris will be constantly colliding and breaking up to multiply the amount of debris, creating a permanent danger for any satellite of spacecraft in orbit.

 

I decided to do a gematria on its name:  3I Atlas or Three I A T L A S

The Awakening

Overnight

The Matrix

The Storm

Just Do It

We Have It All

Two Keys (keys were around this week)

Red Sun

Financial Crash (another end piece before THE moment)

Bifurcation

Hell On Earth (YRFT said “they” get “their” planned reset/end game they had planned for us – mirror – and others – even that lip read involving Barron who talked about a mass exodus and we leave them in our dust – Melania in a lip read – inauguration day Jan. 2020 – said they “shouldn’t have chosen to sink with the ship”.  Just like that movie contact when the blind man can HEAR things – knows how to truly LISTEN – can see beyond the signal being broadcast.  We too can see – sense – know – that there is something FAR bigger than just politics and even removing “bad actors”.  Sky Event – The Great Awakening with the people looking at the Sun – add in time travel and PLG – far more things going on for those who know how to tune in that we can at least get some pieces of that overall puzzle.

 

The Storm – I believe – is the effect they go through once we exit out of here.  There will be a massive storm that literally consumes “them”.

 

 

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7/3/25 ~ Finds and Headlines ~ 8’s In The Vibe ~ Interesting Synch with Is ra el, BIBI and this Monday the 7th

 

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8’s in the vibe – and not just for me – last night playing my solo card game had double 8’s, ended the game 3x with 8 cards left……..today is BTTF day (didn’t know that) – anniversary – first movie – 40 years ago:

 

Then there’s this – there are no coincidences…..Disappeared or got rescued?

 

 

8 is the financial abundance number (numerology):

 

And this too:

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And then this – this is very interesting:

 

 

THIS – this is the only way forward:

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I remember Rose talking about Japan as an end-piece.  Who knows.  It’s Israel.  Then the rocks.  Then Antarctica.  All depends on who you listen to.  Narratives everywhere.  Somewhere there is Truth.  Right?

 

 

Photography by Filip Kvasnak

 

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7.2.25

 

Hmmm.  Checking in.  No responses today.  Do I get louder or just let it go?  Well…. as I told a friend today it’s like there’s a trough able to feed 500 but you have 5000 in need of it.  Survival of the fittest and fastest and most creative.  So be it.  I will do whatever it takes to climb into my new life.

I could express how I feel about today’s court case – but does it make a difference?  Is anything we are intending making a difference?  Is it part of the plan?  Showing us – yet again – how corrupt and evil and narcissistic the court system is?

Hmm?

Any solid answers?

 

 

Well at least this monster failed – again:

BREAKING: Republicans Fail to Advance Trump’s ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ After Four GOP Votes No — Here Are the Four Republicans Who Sank It | The Gateway Pundit | by Jim Hᴏft

These are the four Republicans who voted no on advancing Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill:

  • Rep. Keith Self
  • Rep. Andrew Clyde
  • Rep. Victoria Spartz
  • Rep. Brian Fitzpatrick

 

Ratcliffe Declassifies CIA Documents – Reveals Comey, Brennan, and Clapper Purposely Corrupted Trump-Russia Investigation and Included Discredited Steele Dossier to Take Down Trump Despite Knowing It Was a Phony Report | The Gateway Pundit | by Jim Hoft

 

Well we were told “THERE WILL BE FIREWORKS”.  Second or third “incident” this week:

 

This movie has some of the most absurd scenes…….

 

 

strange………..either total matrix fuchery or outside comms………..almost like the concept that we have real body on outside playing out through our avatar here………..really wake up, you know?

 

Waiting on that solar moment?  We got this.  I know it’s new evidence of an old event – but the timing is intriguing:

AI Overview
In July 2025, astronomers confirmed the first visual evidence of a double-detonation supernova.This discovery, made by examining the supernova remnant SNR 0509-67.5, revealed two concentric calcium rings, indicating a double explosion. The findings, published in Nature Astronomy, suggest that white dwarf stars can explode earlier than previously thought, potentially impacting how we understand Type Ia supernovae and the expansion of the universe.

 

Feb. 29 1960………..

 

 

 

 

 

Really trying to stay out of this one………….do we get angry or do we trust some benevolent process behind it?

 

 

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Image via mybluedream

 

Canadian Rockies:

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Yosemite Valley California photographer Casey Horner

 

Photography by Gabe Hobbs

 

Switzerland 🇨🇭 photographer Milosz Roman

 

 

My work is not just a blog of news finds, my insights and reflections and other tidbits – it’s been a movement since its inception in 2016.  Since then, I have been dedicated to delivering news and insights about the Great Awakening.  I rely on your generosity to keep running and providing valuable content. Your financial support will help cover hosting, research, and content creation costs to ensure we continue spreading awareness. Please donate today to help sustain my mission.  Thank you.

 

CASHAPP:  $VictoriaT1144

Here are other ways to support my work:

💥BRAND NEW OFFERING OF MINE💥

Tarot Card Readings ⋆ LOVE IN ACTION NOW

 

1. You can support me at my other page where I share my personal musings, music and photography:  Victoria T is creating Intuitive Reflections of the world around me…. (buymeacoffee.com)

2.  My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at AMAZON.

3.  I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, check out BlueHost. It’s who I use, and I have always found them very helpful from setup to assistance. Click on the previous link to get yourself set up!

 

And…..Please find and follow me on the following platforms. 💜💥💖

Substack

Telegram

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Anonup

Gab

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Greatawakening.win  

 

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7.1.25 ~ Busting into July with some Finds ~ Original Elon getting “X”posed. Some woo woo. And personal sleuthing…

 

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They are pathetic…………can vouch for that……….

 

When out, my mama eyes are on a constant swivel………

 

The reason why the acceptant rate is so low for american students at these “prestigious” universities is because 1/4-1/3 or more of their enrollment are from foreign students.

 

7/11 was in my space first thing today……….

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And the double 8’s:

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This guy speaks my language:

 

So, Nixon ended the gold standard to give the finger to Europe – which is why “they” had him removed……….

 

Q’s?

 

 

 

the newly “elected” ny mayor:

 

 

 

4 second video:

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Remember when I theorized BB getting arrested here on american soil?  What if (this was part of the plan – to get his trial delayed so he is brought over here)………?

 

Picture submitted by Alexey Murzin

 

Switzerland 🇨🇭 photographer Milosz Roman

 

My work is not just a blog of news finds, my insights and reflections and other tidbits – it’s been a movement since its inception in 2016.  Since then, I have been dedicated to delivering news and insights about the Great Awakening.  I rely on your generosity to keep running and providing valuable content. Your financial support will help cover hosting, research, and content creation costs to ensure we continue spreading awareness. Please donate today to help sustain my mission.  Thank you.

 

CASHAPP:  $VictoriaT1144

Here are other ways to support my work:

💥BRAND NEW OFFERING OF MINE💥

Tarot Card Readings ⋆ LOVE IN ACTION NOW

 

1. You can support me at my other page where I share my personal musings, music and photography:  Victoria T is creating Intuitive Reflections of the world around me…. (buymeacoffee.com)

2.  My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at AMAZON.

3.  I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, check out BlueHost. It’s who I use, and I have always found them very helpful from setup to assistance. Click on the previous link to get yourself set up!

 

And…..Please find and follow me on the following platforms. 💜💥💖

Substack

Telegram

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Anonup

Gab

Truthsocial

Quora

Medium

Greatawakening.win  

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The BBB – updates and reflecting

 

JUST IN: Senate Rejects Measure to Kick Illegals Off Medicaid 56-44 – RINO Susan Collins Votes No! | The Gateway Pundit | by Jordan Conradson

The comments online about this bill.

This is supposed to be the great Awakening – which includes not only seeing what’s “out there” but what’s inside our own hearts.

It’s toxic and unhelpful to see others attacking the poor and the gross assumptions they make about people they don’t know who happen to have a different financial picture than they do.

And this is what I see – far too often – especially from the far right.

A return to center is needed.

Which allows us to get into our hearts, expanded vision.

UNITED.

Seeing all sides.

Elon is right about this bill – it’s toxic.  We need something that represent the PEOPLE.  This bill is the same ‘ole story with some slight twists.

For those who think there is a lot of help for those in need:  rethink that position.  Often people end up in the streets these days because of a gross lack of real support – the kind that changes lives instead of dishes out just another band-aid.

Well unless you’re here illegally.  Or have one of the system many “approved for help NOW” labels.  Fuch……I’m about ready to put on a spanish accent and say I’m a transgender latino and I believe I’m also a dog.

Yeah………

I have been calling and leaving messages and being told “I will call you back on this day” and don’t. hear. back.  I call again.  Get the same experience.

I am in need of $$ for furthering my education as this is the only option I see.  I remember reaching out a few years ago asking if I could receive some help marketing and promoting the work I do already.  Nope.  N A D A.  Not even the local biz development center or woman’s organization could help.  I asked why.  I demanded to know why.  Want me off this program?  Then HELP ME GET OFF in a way that will work for me.  And when I say “work for me” it means work with where I am now.  I have been trying relentlessly over the years to heal from the challenge of ptsd/agoraphobia.  I know what I need – in person exposure.  I’ve spoken of it here.  And today I am being loud about it.  There are clinics in big cities but as I said – I need someone coming TO ME.  Here.  In town – but in a place in which I AM OK going to.  Someone who “gets it” about the body and trauma for my approach in the past included me totally flooding my body which didn’t do a THING to shift it away.  Just put it in the back corner until stress entered my life then BAM – back to where I was.  Heck, I heard today that federal law requires these professionals to make reasonable accommodations.  I have yet to experience that.

This month I am in need of funding help for my daughter.  To be precise, I need to spend about $250 on school curriculum.  I will be cutting her hair and I believe there is a clothing giveaway later this summer.  I am not paying certain debt expenses – blocking numbers – ripping up letters in the mail.  I won’t let them get to me.

I am willing to make more money and earn my keep.  VERY willing.  In the ways I can do.  If I were unable to walk, no one would expect me to mow lawns.  But if your challenge is mental/emotional – you’re expected to be able-bodied and able to do anything that a “normal” otherwise healthy person can do.

NONSENSE.

I feel this anger and frustration – especially when I am faced with closed doors or being told “no” when I ask for what I need.

Do any of these people know how long it took me to get to the place of being able to ask for this kind of assistance?  The layers of fear I pushed through – the fear of being judged, the self-doubt and lack of worth I once carried quietly?

I own my behavior.  I own that it was and is up to me to change my life.

But no one does this alone.

And I’m tired.

I’m tired boss of fighting for my right to survive – no my right to THRIVE – alone.  Surrounded by systems that don’t work for me.

Emotionally supported by wonderful people who are in similar situation.

Enough is enough.

For now I speak up and out loudly.

Self advocating.

And receiving the love that does come my way.

💖

Victoria

 

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