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after a much needed purge listening to the wonderful classic country (still have it going, btw)….i was brought back again to the memories of my grandparents house.  i was suddenly angry that i don’t have that family any longer.  it isn’t fair they died.  this went beyond anger.  beyond ego.  it went deep into the knowing – once again – that we were never originally created to die so young.  to get sick so easily.

we’ve been so fucking robbed here.

after processing all of that, i went to the year 2012.  the year of “so much stuff”.  it was the year we were forced out of our previous home.  during the holiday’s (late 2011/early 2012).  very stressful which goes without saying. we had to surrender our dog to a rescue organization as this no-pets-policy-home was the only one available to rent during that time of year.  our girl was a year old.  our choice – take the home and have a place to live or keep going and live in a shelter – where we would still have to surrender our dog.  the choice was obvious – but painful as crap.  this realm puts us in situations far too often where our choices are limited, hampered and cause unnecessary harm.  all because of another’s damn rule.

2 months later my mate had to have surgery and a week before his surgery, my grandma died.  i don’t know how i dealt with this – obviously not fully. within weeks following his surgery, his health began to deteriorate – he lost weight – he was weakening.  so many doctor visits.  and yet finally a real diagnosis and things looked up in that regard.  new doctor.  new treatment protocol.  during this time, however, sadly 2 friends of ours died.  WTF life, i remember thinking.  just STOP already with this shit.

and yet…..throughout all of this intense roller coaster riding, i began seeing things about 2012 and the prophecies and new earth.  new earth?  what was that, i wondered – intrigued.  maybe the dreams of a new world we had had years ago meant something after all.  the whole 2012 search, however, had to remain on the back burner though given the complexities of that year.

so 2012 began with a series of changes that left me feeling “am i coming am i going can i rest now?”  THE year that so many were so focused on much in the way i am now.  bringing in the new.  (bringing it in – not really.  at this point i am COMMANDING that into my experience.)  acclimating to energies.  etc. etc. and here i was, completely absorbed, out of necessity, in 3D living and doing’s.  death.  disease.  caring for a baby and my mate. moving/unpacking and all that goes on with that.  i kinda laugh at that now given who i am and who i had been until that time.  very focused on all issues of spirit.  conspiracies. and THE year that was alleged to be the pivotal for all of that “stuff” – and i was involved in none of it.  at least i have a good sense of irony and humor around it (well….when the best within has been soothed that is – ha).

and yet there is that underlying sense of “it’s not fair”.  this realm isn’t fair to any of us.  obviously.  deception at every corner and enslavement create that inner state and knowing.  it’s understandable.  i’m the type if you want to express such words (and i am not too already overwhelmed myself at the time), i call you over and say sit by me and let it out.  i get it.

i reflect on how much control i play in this experience.  with so many of us saying “what the frig is taking so long?  i am DONE here.” heck, even people who aren’t into new earth are telling me the same.  as one recently said, they were so ready for a new chapter to this book.  the fatigue is in all of us – whether we are conscious of it or not.  i see it in people’s eyes often these days.

ready for a new chapter.

yes we are.  a new chapter on which to write and create.  and my chapter includes the story that includes families who stay together.  where there is no illness (or at least if one crops up it’s cured easily).  we live as LONG AS WE CHOOSE to live in these physical bodies.  there is no poverty. no homelessness.  no hunger.  no god damn awful horrible suffering – the kind that is created when others hold the illusion they can power over others.

that is a chapter i am ready to slam shut.

happy writing in the NEW.

love,

victoria

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i’m still someplace else today – more than i was yesterday.  in the new i am definitely having much more of a family tribe.  being a parent – for both my mate and i – has become extremely difficult.  energy to keep up just is not there.  making it through the day and just coming up with an idea for dinner plus prepping it – well that’s a “success” to me these days.  and i’m damn tired of it.  i want to feel alive and well again and be fully functioning.  these incoming plasma energies (below) are really impacting this body.  still engaged in my 7pm naps – and i don’t want to get out of the bed when i do awaken.

tonight as i was half awake cooking dinner i said out loud to no one in particular – ok if you take one more piece of this energy of mine within i am going to have to live in bed.

how some can feel AMAZING right now – well i am not having that experience.  that isn’t because i don’t feel amazing changes are taking place and that we are right there on that door step just waiting – feeling that so deeply in my body – it’s just the PROCESS of this – whatever “this” is – is it ascension as some say?  it is a true escape from an energy prison?  whatever “this” is – at this point – feeling amazing and liberated and light and free is NOT my experience.  i want to scream with frustration at how fucking tired i am.

if i am around any sort of conflict or drama – i walk away.  just walk away girl, i tell myself now.  walk away.  cannot and will not participate.  just let others BE.

i had an image come to me today – in terms of this political stuff/change. we have had this beautiful table full of spoiled food (disguised as healthy). do we want the rotten food cleared and the table cleaned before we are gifted with the real stuff?  of course.  the table is being cleaned.  that is where i see things are at.

other feels that continue – Kennedy Jr. will be the one to reveal the truth to the dem/left supporters.  potus cannot pull that off by himself.  their programming is far too deep.  that is unless this massive cosmic experience we call the Event does it.  that is possible too.

for now if i had the luxury i would simply be sleeping.  ordering take out. stocked up on frozen meals.  eating healthy (home cooked, fresh, etc.) is not making a difference – at least not much of one – so ease is becoming top priority.  stretching.  head pressure is here.  congestion.  in a nutshell, i am a tired pecan who is done with this 3D experience.

speaking of the dimensional speak ~ tuning in to the Source within me – as much of Source is actually in these current body models – if I were Pure Source Love – would I want all of my creation scattered in different dimensions?  no way.  i’d want everyone at my big table.  sure you can go join in with your own little tribes and groups but division where you aren’t allowed to visit other tribes?  NO WAY.

relief.  release.  relaxation.  and for now – doing some light detoxing.  not feeling like eating much.

off to stretch, do a few rounds on the punching bag, then watch the JFK jr. special although i have no expectations of that and may not watch the entire program.

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victoria

well not that i have moments like this every day but we thought it was significant.  my mate has been buying BIC lighters for decades.  today we picked up a package at the store and upon bringing them home, noticed something new – tiffany blue (picture below).  as he said he has never seen that color before.  he put it on the mantle and said he would not be using it.  i added “we will use it for the right moment”.  at the grand reveal we will light it in his honor ~ and his father’s.

on to the next share.  i have been seeing people i know – and haven’t seen for some time – and have suddenly very recently wanted to see recently – ALL WITHIN THE LAST 24 HOURS.  this includes one woman i haven’t seen in YEARS and saw her today at the store.  it was wonderful just to say hi and catch up a bit. there has to be a reason for this.  my mate says maybe it’s one last connection – a need to create that one last moment – before the transition. a good-bye of sorts perhaps.  whatever the reason, smiles and hugs ensued and for that ~ i am grateful.  when we get past our stories and labels, we really are all One.  Connected.

and on we go to the last share….i had another Trump dream.  new subscribers won’t know this but i have had dreams of president’s going back to Clinton.  each dream has proven accurate as to their true nature/character.  i had one of clinton, one of bush and two of obama. (and yes i did not enjoy any of those dreams).

Trump?  i’ve lost count.  each one though has shown his character to be honest.  fearless.  and indeed in command.  each dream has been purely enjoyable and comforting.  as i can recall in most of the dreams he’s either been on edge/guard as in prepared…very busy (but finds the time to help/answer questions/say hello to me)….  last night’s dream he was relaxed.  getting ready to celebrate (he was buying cake – asking for advice from my girl who was with me in the dream).  he seemed to have no place to go –  no sense of urgency about him whatsoever.  i am taking that as a very good sign.  in the shower today i saw a line of dominoes in my minds eye.  i feel he has lined up all the dominoes – done all of the necessary prep work – and now he can push them over and let those of the clean up do their work.

i gotta tell you i feel very humbled.  i feel i have been given sideline seats to this unfolding.  and all has been an absolute surprise given i didn’t even vote in the 2016 election.  i was already in the know about hrc.  and i didn’t like trump.  i had fallen for the media’s version of his character.  to say i was apathetic about the world and system changing is an understatement. i thought i was done w/having hope for change.  you know – REAL change. however when i woke up the day after the election and felt this amazing sense of peace and calm and liberation that i simply could not explain or understand w/my human brain, i began to do my research into this man.  i discovered i not only liked him – i admired him.  deeply.  and like so many of us, fell in love with him and what he is so obviously “meant” to do at this time.  then the dreams began during this time which only added to my expansion.

amazing times we are in.  thank you for being a part of it with me.

much love,

victoria

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hello all of You’s~

i don’t know if it’s the solar winds and all of that or the gentle detox i’m undertaking – or the chemtrailing – but the body is feeling a bit challenged today.  achy.  cough and congestion/inflammation.  i picked up some activated charcoal to add that in.  taking it slow of course.  tonight will include foot massager, body massager and an epson salt foot bath.  for now i am doing stretching which alleviates the ache/muscle tension.

i also know i am purging so not just a physical detox but emotional/mental and whatever else is me/ME – or not OF me/ME.  as my girl said the other day when i began to cough “you are releasing a lot of emotions right now, mom”.  she’s quite tuned at times.

earlier today – in the shower – i heard “forgiveness is the way out”.  out? out of “here”?  this realm?  no.  out of the portion of my prison i have created.  as i have continued to say – this is an inner AND outer experience. it is no coincidence that i heard this at this time.  for the past week i have been doing the Ho’Oponopono (i love you.  i am sorry.  please forgive me. thank you.)  my focus has been me.  when i do it with solid focus, slowly, finding where tension is within my body, it is very powerful.  i also know included in this process will be forgiveness for ALL.  for those moments of judgment i hold for others.  i am experiencing that very intensely right now. for me it’s based on my own fears.  if we’re not all on the “same page” or hold the same perception, will that only delay the flow of the awakening? for the event itself – does it really “require” a majority in order to occur?  if so that could translate into those refusing to awaken – to anything – as slowing down the process and i have moments of overwhelmingly feels of “IAMDONE IAMWEARY BRINGIT HOMENOW”.  it does seem that for each moment of inner calm i experience as a result of a message of pure love, the questions pop up again.  which to listen to?  the voice of the inner being? the voice of the brain?  love.  fear.  both on the same spectrum – fear always seeking relief which IS love.

still figuring out that one.  if there is a “figuring out”.  perhaps allowing both to just BE is the answer – for me.  i recall many years ago reading in The Peaceful Warrior that life is paradox.  indeed it is.

i am grateful to say ~ thanks to some of you!! ~ that the fridge is full of fruit and greens and healthy foods.  on the table for dinner is organic grass fed ground hamburger mixed with green onions, celery, cranberries and spices. a pure “go with the flow”.  hopefully it will taste good.  also have chopped sweet potatoes cooked in butter and a fruit/coconut milk smoothie.

’tis the season to eat be do healthy.  with the occasional cookie thrown in.

still feeling the intense need for solitude.  quiet.  that has not lessened.  nor has my ability to be around drama in particular conflict – conflict when i am witness to it and not actually engaged myself.  i am tuning in on that one to see where the healing/releasing/understanding is.  i have focused on detaching when i am witness to conflict and have seen the challenge for me with that.  as i was receiving the message on forgiveness earlier today, i also felt/heard that to the Soul – conflict is unnatural.  In fact, all that is not of the Flow is unnatural.  And I am really beginning to tune in to that – see it and feel it.  I really saw this today when I was wondering what to do with my time.  Do I do something I felt I had to do – to get it out of the way?  I began to fall into that when something within stopped me.  Go with the flow.  And if it is a choice that leaves me feeling tense within – that is not the flow.  So I said “I will tend to that when the flow is right.”

I laugh now because I don’t recall what that “doing” was so it was obviously not that important.

I leave this one with the lyric:  the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful.  Grateful for my home and the warmth and protection it provides.  And grateful for all of you who continue to come here and offer your stories, your insights and your support.  I thank you all for that.

Love,

Victoria

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