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I don’t know if I am uniting more fully, incorporating my multi-dimensional Selves or I am simply allowing them to become One with all of who I am, human and otherwise.  I am having these experiences where I am seeing and sensing what I have been calling and continue to call the matrix energies.  The false programming.

I am strongly feeling the “wait until” program is one of these false programs.

I am equally feeling the “we must be x y z” and DO “x y z” before we are liberated from it.

Everything is energy, right?  Frequencies.  All life forms, even the ones we call/label as “fake”.  So perhaps there is authentic and fake energies?  I don’t know.  Will have to sit with that one for now.

I had the feeling experience and quiet little thought this morning – could there be an Ascension matrix program?

This energy field, program, likely knows it will be ending.  And like ALL life, whether it is AI or “real” as in human with Soul, etc. it wants to survive. And it senses its demise.  And even though it “knows” the end result, it is trying to keep as many of us here for just a little while longer.

I have long felt and believed, contrary to many who have disagreed with me and attempted at times to instill fear in me by telling me I’m delusional or trapped in the ego, that we “fell” (or pushed as one friend recently said) quite quickly and thus can rise as quickly.

We are multi-dimensional Beings, right?  This means we can reside in different dimensions with different frequencies?  And I KNOW to Who I Am one of our inherent abilities is the ability to travel between these dimensions.

Is it possible that all of these complex rules we have been told signify we are going through Ascension, these should’s and should not’s, are just another matrix program?

Source is LOVE.

Source wants to be FREE.

Source doesn’t communicate with me “you HAVE to do this before you are One With Me”.  Source shares with me to just BE.  Allow.  Trust.

Since ALL is already existing, we have the ability to “GO” – to transform – to this particular realm we each desire, right?

When people say “Source is in charge of the flash” I say “WE ARE SOURCE”.

Don’t we have control over this?  Why is this desire to actually be in charge of our life experience always attributed to the ego?  Is this another matrix program?

I remember, more fully than ever, being in COMPLETE control of my experience as Source in Body.  I was in “control” of how I looked.  When I say “control” this equates to the truth that I created FULLY without interference ~ perhaps that is more appropriate than using the term “control” which so many have an issue with ~ another “something” to look at.  I fully created, without interference, how “long” I stayed in my body. What I did.  Absolute freedom.  That is what Source is.  Source doesn’t say “hey come on and take away my ability to create.  Limit me.  Control me.  Let me fall.  Let me go through an experience of lessons and rules you have to master before you have your liberation.”  That is a VERY uncomfortable experience.  WHO WOULD CHOOSE SUCH AN EXPERIENCE CONSCIOUSLY? Only a being who would wish to violate the freedom’s in another.

If this game (illusion) of separation is ending then why would anyone say “Source is in charge of this.”  That in and of itself implies separation.

I have been having experiences lately, as has my mate, where we are in a new realm.  He is in a center being restored and healed.  My girl and I visit.  I am already undergoing any necessary physical healing but do not need to be in a healing center full-time.  His health problems are more complex and “serious” so this makes “sense”.  As I shared in a previous piece on “my first few days of being in the new earth realm”, there was only myself and my girl in the house.  We both see it.  We feel it.  We can therefore manifest it as we need and want.

I choose to transform.  I choose to transform out of this low density realm. Yesterday.  lol  I truly wish to be free from this low thick icky density.  I want to be returned to my Rightful State of Wholeness.

I truly wish to have REAL connections with others. Oh god I want to be liberated from the land of the zombies!!!  There, I said it!  But that is what it feels like to me.  I don’t want to judge.  It is a deep observation I hold.  lol  If I have another experience where I attempt to have a heart-ful and heart-centered conversation with someone and get the glazed over “there is nobody home” look, I may just scream.  Or perhaps I will gently place my hands on their shoulder’s and smile and say “remember who you are.  You are waiting to return home.”

Oh wow.  That could be beautiful.  I imagine the possibilities of that one…

I can feel it.

Perhaps I need to put less energy into “escaping” the matrix, describing my symptoms and stuff like that, engaging in bitch and moan moments, and focus more energy/attention into BEING all that I wish to see and all I want and desire.

Oh I know, that wouldn’t give me much to talk about here ~ at least it would change up the experience ~ perhaps a useful idea.  Imagine if all of the Ascension-type bloggers suddenly stopped using so many words.  Stopped talking about the gateways opening and all that, the physical symptoms. Stopped talking about waiting and lessons and patience and “WHEN” is this “event” going to happen?

Source says the game is over.  Now.

We are Now liberated.  All who wish to join may join in.

For Source says ALL have the freedom to make his/her own choice(s) to LIVE BE FEEL EXPERIENCE DO.

Without interference… of any kind.

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Victoria

Thank you for your awesome support of these words I type up, of the stories I share, of my heart that I put “out there”, in the only way I know how.

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I had a very interesting dream last night.  Actually it wasn’t just a dream.  I really felt I was traveling that astral realm, “doing” some work.  I was with Michelle Walling and we were doing things with crystal’s.  I am not sure exactly what.  My “mind” doesn’t recall.  More of an inner body/inner feeling (that I am intending will be revealed to me so I can bring ALL of me on board with what I am feeling is another part of my mission ~ perhaps my next step as I was referencing recently).

Anyway, as my human self began to observe the Higher Version of me, my human mind began to feel doubt.  Me?  Do this kind of work?  This magic?  I had this kind of power?  Really?  ARE YOU SURE??!!

That is when I heard, up above me and spread all around me “You are a wayshower.”  I then felt “it is time to embrace this”.

I also felt called to begin working with a massive quartz crystal rock my daughter and I recently found that sits on my bedroom dresser.  I don’t really know what to do with it other than sit by it, hold it if I feel called, and see what comes to me.

As things out in our world we call “the system” change, so too will many of us be called to begin our next missions.

Some healing and a vacation are much needed in the interim…

 

 

I just had the thought that there needs to be a website for all Ascension-type folks to go to to share their personal experiences.  Sometimes when I go to someone’s site and they share their current experiences/symptoms, I find I either relate or can’t relate at all.  Or there is the occasion where I where read of someone speaking in very technical terms, highly tuned-in to the exact energies incoming and the exact symptoms they induce.

How do they know these things?

All I can do is share my own experiences so I hope any of you reading this, if you can’t relate to my experience don’t think “wow, am I doing it wrong?  Am I missing something?”  I say that because until this year, I would hold the same thought.

So without further ado, here is what I am going through in the past 24 hours…

Going to sleep last night I felt this growing tight ball inside of me, in great need of expanding.  I stretched the parts of my body where I felt this energy ~ trying to make room.  As I did this, I felt my cells vibrating.  This stretching/expanding/cells vibing experience continued until I fell asleep.

I awoke early this morning, thinking about the experience I had had before going to sleep.  I felt my Highest Self guide me into letting go, allowing this process for She is who is in “control” of this process.  She has already made the choice to do this experience.  Let go and trust, I felt. I also heard (again) all parts of Who I am are returning as One in this body.

I again felt that energy needing to expand so I stretched for a bit then drifted off to sleep.

Then had a uh, “experience”.

Out in front of our house there is something special energetically.  I have had numerous experiences (waking visions and sleeping dreams) where I have “seen” a portal, an energy vortex.  I have seen the physical environment change.  I have seen people suddenly begin to fade away.  I have been able to transport myself out of this realm and into the realm of my choice (did that one in a waking vision/meditation).  And early this morning, I witnessed a first:  a friend of mine from the past suddenly “popped” through it ~ seemingly coming out of nowhere.  He looked very bewildered and it surprised my human self but my Soul was expecting the experience (or else just going with the flow and allowing it to happen).  He was lying in the street and He started to get up, then got noticeably dizzy so I walked over and said “go slow you’ve just passed through a portal” then I helped him up.  He seemed to be totally surrendering to me in his trust although his confusion and bewilderment remained so I decided to change the scene and put me back to a place I once worked when I knew him as a teenager.  He sat in the background, watching me, still looking confused but nonetheless trusting me.  I said I would be with him “soon”. Then the dream ended.

The dream wasn’t so significant (to me) as was the fact that I had another “far out” experience in that area near our house.

Waking up, I felt called to stretch more.  I was again having that desire to expand my body to “make room” for what is within wanting/needing more physical “room”.  This time I could see and feel my feet wanted to expand as did my chest.

After a couple of minutes of stretching, I walked out into the kitchen and started putting away dishes from the dish rack.  I grabbed some fruit bowls I used last night and as I reached up to the top shelf, I noticed I didn’t have to stretch like I normally do.  The night before when I got them down, I chose to stand on a chair to reach them comfortably as stretching for them had me concerned I may drop them.  This morning, I was able to just put them away with a little bit of a stretch.  At first I thought I was standing on our floor mat, but nope, I was on the floor.  Slippers?  Nope.  (Yes I had to look on both counts.  I am not a morning person so it takes me awhile to become fully aware/awake.

I called over my mate.  When both of us are in our stocking feet I can fit under his chin pretty comfortably.  Today?  Nope.  He had to bend his head back more than normal and it was too uncomfortable for him.

Did I actually physically grow?  Who knows.  I decided to just let it be.

When I shared my dream with my mate he said “that’s it!  You HAVE to show me exactly where this spot is and we will mark it!”  Ok then we can do that.  I remember before we moved to this street, I made my mate drive up and down it frequently.  Something in me said I HAD to live on this street.  When we weren’t finding anything available, I remember saying “Universe ~ WHY aren’t we finding a home to live in on this street?”  I didn’t get it.  I let it go.

6 months later, it worked out.

So what else am I feeling today?  Oh yes…I am feeling achy ~ all over.  “Growing pains” as I am calling it.  The strong desire to expand and stretch continues.  That ball of energy within simply needs more room (much like this house has been feeling too small lately).  I used to think the moments of intensity I feel were about my ego.  Nope.  My energy itself is what is intense…. and vibrant.  It takes me back to the first time someone read my energy on a whim.  I wasn’t sure what it meant but something within me was fascinated and very open to the concept.  She was a gypsy-type – someone my mother worked with – and I loved being around her.  She said I had one of the biggest brightest energy fields she had ever seen on a person.  I was only 20 at the time but those words have stayed with me ever since.

So back to the achy all over thing.  Also very tired, wanting desperately to just be alone so I can focus on what I want… and interestingly enough, I am also highly intolerant of noise, interruption and downright ignorant stupid behavior.  Not that I enjoy any of such things but my tolerance for these things just isn’t happening.

So for now I am off to take a much needed nap.  I hope this piece makes sense.  I feel I am in another zone, another reality typing this one.  The line “ET Phone Home” is what I am hearing as I end this so I will leave it at that.

Much love,

Victoria

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I love your support.  I appreciate your support.  I validate your support. And I need your support.  (how’s that for a new phrase?  that is what i feel in my heart like typing on this sunday afternoon.)

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I’m sure I could save myself some unnecessary anger, frustration and toddler-induced tantrums by learning to Trust in the flow and let things unfold as they need to, even if nothing makes sense in the moment of angst.

As I shared last night, yesterday’s meeting did not go as I had hoped for. I was really feeling the brunt of that this morning.  The years of disappointment.  The honest efforts I have made over the years to share my talents with the world and be successful with it only to experience this sense of “the world doesn’t want me”.  This morphed into “maybe the Universe doesn’t want me either.”

That pain of not being seen nor wanted.  Oh wow ~ that is a deep one, isn’t it?  Not being wanted.  The orphaned one.

Another life long wound that came festering up to the surface.  I don’t believe I have dealt with this one before.  Certainly not fully.

So here I was, in my state of angst and despair, feeling absolutely unwanted.  I just let myself be with it.

Later on, I went to the store where I ran into one of the coolest couples around.  They are retired farmers, still active in the local organic food community.  I have mentioned them before on this site.  They are open with their minds and hearts and I love them both.  The female half is a Capricorn, just like myself, so I have always felt a special connection with her.  It isn’t often I meet another Capricorn and when I do, I feel “home”. It’s a feeling of “you get me!”  At least those parts of me that tend to annoy others.  :::ahem:::

I ask how they’re doing.  They ask how I’m doing.  With her arm around me, I started to cry.  I cannot contain my emotions any longer.  It is quite liberating.  I used to be the exact opposite.  Ask me how I am in the past and regardless of how I was feeling, I would smile and say “fine”.

I was a seriously simple unfettered person on the outside.  Like all the time.

Now?  Not at all.  Ask how I am and I will tell you the truth.  (And I deeply value that when others do that with me.)

So here my beautiful friend has her arm around me, her compassion authentic and palpable (which only makes the tears flow even more).  As quickly as I could, I told her about my meeting yesterday, how deeply weary I am of trying to find the help I need to make the money I equally need.

Well, as it turns out, they know of a program through the local university run by college kids who have expertise in all things media and website related.  They will be passing along the information to me.

What’s interesting is the one good thing that came out of my meeting yesterday is as we spoke, I suddenly had the idea to contact students at the University.  It was a quiet thought, but enough so that I wrote it down in my notes I took.

We continued our conversation.  We spoke of Shamanism and the local Shamanic community, how they were aware of these people and how I had just very recently been introduced into it.  I shared my desire to study energy healing with them and possibly go on and study Shamanism as well.

My girlfriend has a chronic health condition and she has gone through a huge variety of medical and non-traditional treatments to make herself well.  A very similar experience of my mate.  Putting my hand on my heart I said: “Nothing would give me greater meaning than to be able to put my hands on you and heal you,” I told my friend.  I could barely speak.  I was so full of emotion and a sense of purpose.  My friend’s eyes welled up with tears which triggered mine again as well.  I noticed a couple of other customers glancing our way, smiling, obviously moved by what they were witnessing.  It was a deeply moving, beautiful moment.

There has been far too much suffering of humanity.  Far too many with chronic disease.  We are designed to be whole and healthy.  I am embracing my deepest desire as a Healer.  I have done it in past lives.  And I am doing it again in this one.

So……..deep breath……sometimes when Life opens a door it doesn’t necessarily mean that when you walk through it and it seems to shut that there is just the one door that opened.

Sometimes you have to wait (there’s that patience thing again) and TRUST that the next one will appear.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]

Victoria

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