I want to buy myself some CBD oil to help me sleep. My bank account and credit cards tell me otherwise. I love seeing words like this above – spread that energy and end the enslavement.
If I had a ten-spot for every one of these f’ing reject letters I receive weekly, I’d be a rich girl! 🤣
It’s really not funny.
I’m pinching pennies, adding up what I can spend – and let’s check this credit card – still $60 on that. That will be enough for food until payday.
After paying down my debt, I have had to rack it right back up again just to fucking eat.
Woops, I said the bad word I am being told I say “a lot” lately.
I do?
Gee, I wonder why.
Can I lose my mental faculties any faster now?
I NEED A GOD DAMN FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITY OPEN UP FOR ME.
I’m like this now if advice is incoming:
It ain’t pretty. lol
I get why homeless people say “screw it” and live wherever they want. Steal bikes, food, and supplies from big box stores to survive. Squat in the myriad of vacant homes.
When the world slowly pushes you out of society and ignores your cries for help, when agencies prioritize immigrants ahead of you, or when they say “we cannot help you with that”, you just kind of stop caring about anyone but yourself. And you go silent. And do what you need to do.
For now, at the moment, I am trying to log in to my instantcart app and am receiving, well, it isn’t doing anything. I couldn’t check online through the website if there are openings for delivery drivers in my area (last I checked last fall, there weren’t, and there was not even a wait list – how often I am told that now – no more wait lists). Oh wait – I was able to get the app to work. Here’s what it is telling me in red letters: No Spots Available.
No. Spots. Available. Below the little cartoon woman with the white mask on her damn face.
Yeah, tell me I’m in hell without saying the actual words.
I’m too old to pole dance. Not that I could pull that off. lol (see the little pun I unintentionally threw in there)
That one makes me giggle.
Uber is out – the car’s too damn old. I did recently remember I signed up with Amazon Mechanical Turk – they have to do some digging on me, though, as my account got frozen and they want to know why (because I forgot I had one – I wear a lot of hats around here – I’m aging and energetically depleted and not sleeping that well, so I forgot).
I’ve signed up for countless survey sites. TOTAL waste of time – unless you have 30 minutes to waste answering questions to determine if you are even eligible to TAKE the survey. I’ve done this so many times, and not once was I selected to take the damn survey.
I cannot afford to waste my time.
Unless it’s stuffing my sad belly full of chocolate or cookies.
I am sorry I am dumping all of my angst on here. My brain feels squeezed with that sense of angst. Executive function has suffered – and I know why. I follow a channel on Facebook – the woman is amazing with her insight on trauma and the nervous system. She breaks it down in tiny pieces of info I can understand. So my days of self-blame and wondering when others have lovingly offered up suggestions for me, and they simply haven’t worked – today I get it. I just want to be seen and to heal – to feel SAFE – and to receive the support I truly, really deeply need. 😭
Here’s what’s on stage atm. A few things.
💖
Victoria
*********
Bay of Pigs mirror incoming? I’ve had feeeeeeeeeels about this one just like I’ve had feeeeeeeeeeeeeels about NK (Fire and Fury):
This makes sense if we are going to see a new world coming online. You have to crash the housing market, too. Grossly over-inflated:
Let me tell you a little story…
my parents married in 1959.
dad was an accounting clerk (2 years of college).
mom was a secretary.
their first home was a rental – big home in SE Portland.
$50/month.
they were able to save $3,000 which they applied towards a brand new 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch home.
total price?
$10,000
I came along a year or so later.
Mom stayed home.
Brother arrived 3 years later.
We lived in brand new homes throughout my life.
Drove 2 new cars.
2 week vacations in the summer.
That home my parents first bought in 1961?
$500,000
4900% jump.
Wage increase since the early 60’s?
68%
(and that doesn’t include the fact that our dollar has WAAAAAY less buying power – which, according to some stats show that real wage increase is more around 7-10%).
We’ve been robbed f’ing blind.
Those commercials pull at my heart. Those babies – there are cures for them. They are being used for $$ trafficking. It’s horrifying.
This is a nice image. Soothes my heart. I want to feel HOME.
You know, my body is saying NOOOOOOOOOo to sharing these things. We already know. We’ve done the comms. The work. THe digging. WE KNOW. And we are done waiting. Normies cognitive dissonance is harming our right to freedom and harming our health and harming our kids. Honestly fuch them for not seeing at this point.
What can I share now? Well, I can share a few of my writings from my coffee page, although I made the decision today that from here on out, that site will be pay-only. I get a lot of reads there. And at $5/read that would add up to the point where I could take care of my child the way she deserves. Here is my latest piece I wrote last night: https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/this-one-for-the-moms
I was put in contact with another agency. Two, actually. I’ll see what happens. Given my experiences with “the system” the past 1-2 years, I have learned not to expect a thing. Something that was asked of me, however, rather triggered me. Something that would trigger any one of us who also happen to be a mom.
I was sharing my skills and job history.
Why the gap? I was asked.
“I’ve been a stay-at-home mom,” I said.
“Oh, so no new skills to add,” came the response from the very naive, clearly NOT a mom, worker.
No new skills?
Really, now.
I have some things to say about that.
I’m pulling out my Claire Huxtable attire now, so you have been warned.
It is said the Marines do more before 9 am than most any other person.
True.
But what is also true is that moms can and often do more in a 24-hour period than anyone, including those in the military. Without pay or thank yous I might add.
And we often do these things with precision and grace, no matter how much sleep we have had.
Let me tell you something:
We can look over homework, cook a meal, get another load of laundry going, answer the myriad of “mooooooooom” questions, and hold down a phone conversation all at the same time. I know firsthand, as this was my afternoon moment that took place at approximately 3:30 pm, or 15:30 hours military time. Find me a Marine who can do all that WITH precision, and I will tell you that Marine is female and a mother.
And skills?
Let me tell you something about skills.
I can create “to-do” lists for everyone in the house and remember what’s on those lists better than those for whom they are assigned. If that isn’t organizational planning expertise, I don’t know what is.
I can juggle multiple tasks as mentioned above with ease and precision. It’s as though you are watching a dance. If this isn’t multi-tasking, not found in most work environments at this level, I don’t know what is. We moms take that skillset to a new level.
And let me tell you something else about skills.
Crisis management.
We are the experts at such things. From toddler middle-of-the-night nightmares to middle-school “Moooooom, I HAVE to have this IPAD EVERYONE HAS ONE” to teenage “MOM, THE DRESS I WAS GOING TO WEAR HAS A TEAR IN IT, I NEED YOU TO FIX IT NOW!!”, we handle such moments with grace and ease. Well, as long as we have had enough sleep, then we may be a wee tad moody. Yup. We are THE go-to experts in Crisis management. Have you had a breakdown of communication or a crisis at your agency? We moms are the first line of defense for such situations.
Speaking of sleep, we know how to run an entire house on very little sleep. We also know how to put together a birthday party for 30 while sleep-deprived. I know. I’ve done it.
Let me tell you something else about a very important skill: Time Management.
We remember appointments because we moms have calendar presets in our brains. We may forget our own, but we are experts at remembering appointments for everyone else in our home.
Then there’s Delegating.
We are the experts at this. And what makes us better at this role than any other human on planet earth, uniform or not, is that we learned to do this with our children. Trust me. We have the ability to glance around a room and immediately know what needs to be done. Grocery list made. Pan scrubbed. Dinner meal planned. Floor vacuumed. Stain removed from the couch. That 6-month-old cobweb in the corner. And just as quickly as we can see the tasks needing to be completed, we can just as quickly delegate those tasks to those around us. Well, assuming people are still in the room. Non-moms seem to have a 6th sense when Mom is in a delegating mood, which often ends up with Mom being alone in said room. And need I even say this one? Assigning a basic task to a 3-year-old or 13-year-old who is in NO MOOD to hear you is no easy feat.
Yeah, been there DONE THAT.
Last but certainly not least is Conflict Resolution. This may be the most important one of all. Family by its very nature is, well, loud. Sometimes conflicts arise. Unless you are blessed with living in a 10,000′ mansion, more than one person living under the same roof is going to lead to the occasional tension. Words spoken. Words spoken, not heard. That’s where Mom’s Superior Conflict Resolution comes in. “Ok, now let’s all go to neutral corners. Take some deep breaths. Good. Ok now. Let’s resolve this by sharing what it is you are feeling. Remember to speak from how you feel. No fingerpointing.” Smile, smile smile.
I should note this works quite well for non-family members only. Family? Yeah, not so well. My idealistic little vision usually ends up with mom (that would be me) throwing her arms up in frustration while saying, “ok we agree to disagree”, calling up a friend and asking if she would like to meet up for some cake.
Chocolate, of course. Because that’s what moms like. NEED.
Moms. Skills. Yup.
As I put down my Claire Huxtable hat, let me wrap this up by saying Mom keeps the organization called Family going. Many of us walk into this role blindly and learn to refine the necessary skills needed to keep the organization running efficiently and smoothly. We hit the occasional bump and try to learn from our mistakes. We are easily pleased with chocolate and hugs (I forgot hugs). If this doesn’t make us the perfect employee, I don’t know what does.
💖
Victoria
