It’s an illusion.
Until your insurance denies the request for braces for your child.
Twice.
Informed that the cost is $8900 with payment plans available up to 10 months.
It’s an illusion until you do the math and know there’s no way you can afford that – not when you’re already in debt and surviving is slowly killing you $$.
It’s all an illusion.
Until you are informed, the school of her choice is $36,000/year, and there is no $$ aid available for transfer students.
It’s an illusion, Victoria.
Until you are informed that the agency you have been trying for months to get an appointment with (they help with finding you a job and other basic needs you are not getting) FINALLY has agreed to assist you, and will schedule an initial intake, but the wait list, which was once 6 months, is now UNKNOWN. It’s so long they aren’t even f’ing giving a time period.
All of the above was just discovered today.
But it’s just an illusion.
Trust the plan. Until you get nailed again with the realities of this “illusion”.
It’s just an illusion.
Until you decide to venture out again and check out the cost of housing, and see that it simply isn’t coming down. It started to, I got my hopes up, then stalled, then went back up again, and homes now sit empty for months, owners refusing to make a deal with you. I’ve reached out and asked. No to each request. Are they even human?
But it’s just an illusion.
Until the new training idea you came up with late last year, after an agency dropped the ball on you so often you were not able to get your application for $$ in on time, and the other agency that said they may be able to pay for this new training, is now singing another tune.
But hey, it’s all just an illusion, right?
Until your mind breaks down and you find yourself alone at a park, eating a meal alone, staring at the black sky. Numb. Absolutely n u m b. Trying yet again to figure out a way out of your current situation, your brain is completely unable to come up with something new.
I reached out to one of you last night. And the term you beautiful Soul gave me described me to a “T”.
Distraught. And I hate it. I absolutely hate this feeling.
If this place is an illusion, why do I feel without a plan, without hope, completely utterly empty, distraught?
A contradiction of terms?
I don’t know.
You tell me.
Because for the first time – perhaps ever – I am out. of. answers.
💖
Victoria
