While panic attacks are not something I am immune to, it has been quite a long time since I have had one, of this caliber that is. Life just sort of caught up with me tonight. In all of the frantic rushing around I’ve been doing, battling the system overlords who tell me I have to pay them $150 and up for water, for electricity, who are informing me this week I have to give them $136 to put on little square paper stickers on my car or risk having the car impounded, to the recent battle with a landlord who has more money than god to beg – to grovel – to let me stay here another few months as I am not equipped TO move much less afford a place as cheap as this little home while listening to him insult me saying I should have been doing more to keep up with the cost of living (and let me tell you I was in tears after this conversation – the humiliation I felt was horrible. I wanted to rip his head off and try out my new curse words – but kept it all inside rather than risk being thrown out sooner than later)….then there is the system agencies in which I am dealing with – trying to get help with job training and placement and scholarships – at times in a battle – being put on wait lists – being told “no funds for that” – being told “you don’t qualify” for a myriad of reasons (not desperate enough, not poor enough) – to being bounced around from person to person who fail to keep their word, who get me started on a program then drop me like a hot iron….
Y E A H…….
Life just caught up with me tonight.
At the store.
While in line checking out, seeing the total appear on the screen. One weeks’ worth of groceries. $214.
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Hello Darkness My Old Friend: A Conversation With a Panic Attack — Victoria T
