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3.27.23 ~ Finds and Reflecting

 

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Like a trucker being tailgated some days………..

 

 

May be an image of text that says 'Sometimes you need more than a coffee break. You need a dimension break.'

YES!  FOR GOOD!

 

How are you all feeling?  Does it feel a little bit lighter today?  For me it feels like I went through a major storm last week – definitely the end of the week – and I felt myself shifting out of it some yesterday and more today.  San Tarot has a new one that feels like it was created just for me – given what I have shared here about my personal experience(s).  I am pondering the idea of creating a private group with the sole/Soul focus on CREATING.  Alchemizing.  A group of Sisters (sorry my beautiful male friends – this is not to create division or anything like that – just really feeling this growing need to connect with my females and CREATE together).  Perhaps it’s about me returning to Who I Am (was) before all of this happened here.  If any of you are interested, let me know.

Love,

Victoria

***

 

 

 

 

Kim Runner  @kimrunner
27 March, 07:24
Elon’s really spotlighting things on Twitter….
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Trending on twitter atm:
S&P 500 · Trending
Pfizer
66.6K Tweets
Politics · Trending
Michael Obama
1,774 Tweets
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Mare Qay – WWG1WGA!@Patriot63
27 March, 05:04
Right on Q as usual
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Baresi 1776 @Baresi
27 March, 06:10
These people are sick
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PeQQy 222 @KnotMe
27 March, 07:07
I’ll just throw this out there. This is either a kind of count down, like “watch the water”. Or is there an ongoing threat to the water system like it’s literally being held hostage. This makes no sense to me.
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Kat istheSea3  @KatistheSea3
27 March, 01:00
😼 If evil monster Harari
is AGAINST what Netanyahu is doing
then what Netanyahu is doing is GOOD
& the protests are DS-NWO-WEF-created.🕯 MJTruth
Now you know whether or not
Netanyahu firing that Defense Minister
& the protests that followed in Israel
are a good or bad thing.WEF Top Advisor Yuval Noah
1. Your Free Will is Over With
The Future of Transhumanism
2. Imagine an Algorithm That Can Tell
Your Teenager If They Are Gay
3. The Big Question in Economics & Politics
is What to Do With Worthless People
4. You will Give up Your Privacy
in Exchange for Free Health Care

🧢 Tiffany 🙏

5. Yuval Harari: “Humans are on the verge
of merging with machines”

😼 How does this monster know that?
Gene Decode reported
that among the
ENDLESS AGONIZING EXPERIMENTS
the demons perform on children
is CHIMERA them & turn them into
1/2 machine 1/2 human.
When those children are rescued
they BEG to be killed so they can
come back in a new life 💔

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Laura’s View and Tarot, Too…

Operation Sandman?

 

 

San Tarot………..This is such a good one and soooooo very aligning……dog card circling around………….as i’ve said in recent weeks i am REALLY feeling a growing – G R O W I N G – need to connect with a dog…………Collective Goal…………all marching towards……….tribe showing up more regularly………what’s interesting is some in which i have felt more of a connection with – we be connecting more………….it’s subtle – and quiet – as are most things related to Truth/Consciousness – but it’s there……….others showing up in dreams too perhaps (i have been dreaming of people that i seem to be familiar with in that space but here do not know – but there has been interesting conversations that i don’t recall)………..ready to be touched DEEPLY…………..READY & WILLING FOR NEW………….yesyesyesyesyesyes (the card showing disruption is VERY RELEVANT………..i know matrix pokes when i see them………..i absolutely SEE it now……….and i am so grateful for those of you with whom i have convos – brings me back to center and at times i feel as she says OPEN again)…………STORM CARD at the very end (with dog images on it)………

Capricorn – Your shared future.

 

 

YRFT has a new one…………(for those already awake – not much new in this one – overall just letting us know as some of us have speculated that this “movie” and all of the crazy scenes aren’t for us………..)

Revelations Lift the Veil 3-11-23

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End-of-day Finds and Disclosure happenings

 

Now this is quite a big one and gave me a giggle.  Perhaps “soft” disclosure as it’s a wee bit downplayed – but it is putting the seed into the consciousness mind about being in a simulation.  My feel continues to be that all it takes is a few “wtf huh?” moments to successfully escape the matrix.  Like the red pill/blue pill matrix neo morpheus tidbits.

Scientist Reveals How to Escape Our Simulation

  • For two decades, scientists have seriously considered whether we’re living in a simulated universe.
  • A computer scientist at the University of Louisville explores ways that humans could try to hack our way out of this reality and enter the baseline reality.

 

The first domestically-produced quantum computer will be used via the cloud – RIKEN, etc.

 

 

Protests continue in Israel:

https://www.jpost.com/tags/protests

 

 

 

 

 

hmmm…………11.3

 

 

BRICS Summit (in August)

Vincent Kennedy⍟  @VincentKennedy
26 March, 04:57
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“This market is going to be different in a couple of weeks….”  Kenyan President Ruto….

 

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/first-citizens-near-deal-to-buy-silicon-valley-bank-report-7ad1852c?mod=mw_latestnews

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/chairman-of-saudi-national-bank-who-sparked-turmoil-for-credit-suisse-resigns-report-30101e92?mod=mw_latestnews

 

Looking at the US National Debt Clock – this year’s median income is $35,773….median new home is $501,976…..in the year 2000, median income was $31,718 and the median new home was $162,889……..So median incomes have risen around 10% in 23 years but the cost of housing 130%.

 

Wait for it……….

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3.26.23 ~ A little story……..A gematria….a few finds and a Card Reading

 

Inspired by actual events as shared to me in recent months….A moment of clarity today came to me – calmed my heart and gave me some much needed humbleness.  The person in this story is one, for me, to aspire to be.  Maybe his story will help some of you who are struggling in the same or similar way.

***

There once was a man who was taken from his family – without warning – by some very mean, nasty people.  He was forced to endure circumstances that would threaten break many of us – even the strongest of us.  While his family tried repeatedly to be reunited again, weeks turned into months.  All anyone could do was wait – and pray.

Finally the day came when the man was released and was reunited with his family.  Some time later, while visiting with a friend, the man was asked how he survived and most importantly – did he hold any anger and bitterness towards those who took him.  His response?  No.  He only held love and compassion in his heart for them.  Holding anger and bitterness in the heart only serves to harm the one holding onto such energies.

Life – REAL life – Truth – has a way of exposing all that is hidden – righting all that is “wrong” until Life is once again in Balance.  Sometimes it takes awhile – sometimes a long time.  A very long time.  And through all of our painful experiences, through all of our trauma’s, at the end of the day all we are left with is ourselves and our thoughts.  And when we tune in to what is Real – we are guided to breathe, center, and remember who we really are.

Love.

Here are some finds.  Whatever ops appeared to be going on (ADSB exchange) the past few days now appear to be over.  All is quiet.

Love,

V.

******

 

 

Lines up w/the image he has on his twatter page…………just a different angle…….next “full” moon is 4.5.23………..hmmm….5 4 3 2………1?

 

 

I think he’s one of the actors on stage…………

 

 

 

 

20 CONFIRMED INCIDENTS AND OPERATIONS: The DOZENS of Feds, FBI Agents and State Operatives Who Infiltrated the Trump Crowds on January 6th at the US Capitol and Led the Protests

 

Turkey Announces Support for China’s Peace Plan to Resolve War in Ukraine if It Creates “Foundation of Negotiations”

 

Twitter Employees Reportedly Put on Notice with 2:30 am Message from Elon Musk

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/witch-hunt-against-me-dead-trump-says-manhattan-da-tricked-fraud-star-witness-wasnt

 

https://resistthemainstream.com/trump-reveals-what-he-thinks-manhattan-da-braggs-decision-is/

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/israel-defense-minister-urges-halt-judicial-reform-amid-upheaval

 

Trying to get some intel on Antarctica…………

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2023/03/antarctic-ice-sheet-is-melting-humanity-climate/

https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/antarctic-ice-melt-glacier-warming-b2290668.html

https://en.as.com/latest_news/huge-iceberg-breaks-off-in-the-antarctic-what-is-an-iceberg-and-how-do-they-affect-the-environment-n/

 

Alan Dershowitz Claims Alvin Bragg Could Be Disbarred if He Uses Michael Cohen’s Testimony to Help Secure a Trump Indictment

 

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump
·

Ron DeSanctimonious is being CRUSHED in the polls, all of them. Many GLOBALISTS are having second thoughts. RINO’S Karl Rove, Pauline Ryan and Jeb, “Low Energy” Bush, are beside themselves. They have rarely witnessed a CRATERING of this magnitude. Maybe they should have told Ron that trying to destroy Social Security and Medicare, three times, is not a good thing to do. ALSO, his record on the China Virus, Crime, and Education is, despite his ever spinning P.R. Machine, ABYSMAL!!! 71-17 anyone?

 

71-17………my first thought was 1771………..4 years before “the shot heard around the world” – which is also a 17 drop – 4 of them – from january (2018) which as we now know is actually april (when defining when is the new year)………….April 19, 1775 is when the shot heard around the world occurred………..”their” calendar holiday of April Fools day – wouldn’t it be glorious if that was a BOOMerang back on them?

572

Jan 21, 2018 2:28:00 PM EST
Q !UW.yye1fxo ID: 000000 No. 49 
THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD.
THE GREAT AWAKENING.
A WEEK TO REMEMBER.
Q
I decided to gematria THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD
Who Wants To Go To New Earth
Are You Ready For Whats (sic) Coming
We Shall Let Our Light Shine Bright
So I had this sudden nudge to go draw 3 cards for the collective.  So I did.  Here’s what’s coming up.  This is NOT my expertise – even though I’ve been drawing cards off and on for about 30 years.  When I pull a card I have to look up the interpretation/definition as I was never able to memorize their definitions.  My only real “gift” in this is the ability to pull the “right” cards to show the truth of what is happening.
1) Five of Wands
5 indicates change.  The Five of Wands gives indication that we are in the middle of a battle.  (ya think?)  The men holding the wands are showing battle however no one is showing signs of real physical injury.  It’s possible this could indicate a battle that is useless – OR as I am sensing it – given the narrative that we are in a simulation and thus everything inside of this place is, in the grand overall view, an illusion – ANYTHING that happens here inside – upon the exit – will leave NO HARM.  (as in – total restoration – and/or unity with real body – said real body being the one on the outside playing out the game)
2) Temperance (which is a major arcana card) ~ the 14 card
One foot on the ground (grounded) – one foot in the flow.  It could also be the concept that we are straddling two worlds atm.  Many of us are feeling this.  The longing for NEW but still in this current physical space.   Those who are in the energy of temperance have a strong body and strong mind – the ability to be in a state of balance.  Seek peace – bridge gaps between one another.  Work together.
3) Ten of Hearts
I see a variety of interpretations on this one – but with the card that I have – my first sense is Celebration (which i see is also one of the ways to interpret the card).  Joy.  Reunions.  The number 10 can also be seen as a new Beginning.  In Tarot, it’s gone full circle.
I don’t know about you – but I rather like the cards I drew and find them fitting/aligning for where we are/what’s “on the cusp” of experiencing.
******

Interesting find ~ some of us knew this!

 

Hey Sister J – WE WERE RIGHT.  He is definitely AI.

 

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Speaking of Sister J ~ thank you to those of you who reached out to her and gave her money for food.  I appreciate each of you for showing that kind of Love!  She and I have both been diving down the rabbit holes – sharing that truth – while being mama’s and running our households.  And I am in my full on power when I say this:  These roles we take on and do and share – for free – are long past due getting the abundance we so deserve!  A return of the kind of energy in which we have put out there.  So many of these big accounts that make the real buck$ don’t see HALF of what she and I do.  I am not trying to sound arrogant or pretentious – just speaking my Truth (and I know she would back me up on this) – just knowing WE DESERVE the experience we WANT and NEED.  Financial abundance.  Healing.  Opportunities.  Connection and real tribe.  Recognition.  Respect.  The two of us are often in the corners of our individual worlds – struggling – suffering – alone – crying out for help.  It’s pretty sad when we feel we have to scream to be heard.

Love,

V.

 

We’re either a Leader or a follower……………3.26.23

 

Saw this…………Playbook for January 6th………….

 

How many of us have speculated T is Patton returned?  In this now RIDICULOUS “movie” – has T flipped?  Or….Is he the necessary distraction to truly push their agenda forward?  I don’t know for certain – none of us in the “audience” do.  Such new nuggets are why I follow NO ONE.  I ask questions.  I lead.  And we NEED leaders.  Followers are what “they” want – makes us easy prey.

We are ALL leaders.  Why do I say that?  Because anyone who has the instinct within to DEFEND themselves or their family – friends – community is a Leader – which is every. one. of. us. when we ALLOW ourselves to embrace the inner boundary of NO THAT IS NOT OK.

Embrace it!

Yeah………..I will put this out there……probably won’t do much good……….we settle inside our safe bubbles waiting on a Savior.  What if this is how “they” are able to reset us each time?  Convincing us someone is coming or something is happening.  Now I am not saying things aren’t happening – they are – I am just not 100% convinced it is for our Liberation/Betterment and we won’t know that until that moment.  And because of that – I continue to push my agenda – my need to unite in person.  Power in numbers.  Gather together – get the land pool resources.  Difficult if not next to impossible for most of us – but still doable if we make the choice to do what at the moment feels impossible.

So yeah – we either lead or let someone else do the leading for us.

Our individual choice.  Turning what feels and looks like an impossibility into the possible can be done – doing it TOGETHER.

Love,

V.

A Spoken Reflection by the Mr. (with a wee bit of the Mrs at the end) ~ plus other reflections and some finds ~ 3.25.23

 

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I had another awesome convo with one of you’s today (Sister D).  When we have convos with those who are “like us” – magic happens.  I GET stuff.  The energy of Divine Truth – comes in and brings with it Truth.  Insights.  All helping us help one another to further Wake Up.  She has had some agent smith effects lately.  And these moments show up when she is doing her magic.  No surprise there.  Many if not most of us have those experiences – and we know we’ve had them our entire experience.  The closer we get to “it” the more we see because we KNOW.  Here is a little reflection as shared by the male lion.  Below that, some finds.

Before I share those, I want to share something that came to me as a result of talking with Sister D.  We were talking about the numbers – and yeah how we’re pretty much done seeing them because we want to see something NEW.  I thought of the matrix – computer programs – 0’s and 1’s.  How the 1’s were the number that we all seem to be in alignment.  And I had this moment of knowing – a reflection – a ponder – where I said “what if our original code is all 1’s and the 0’s were the virus?”

Just something to consider.

Also dealing with some cyber-bullying my girl and a new “friend” who is turning out not to be a friend (once again – omg the rage i am now feeling over this ongoing pattern).  Bullying is a behavior that every one of us knows deep within is not ok.  No excuses.  My girl knows it’s no ok and has never once participated in it.  I experienced it regularly growing up – all the way through college.  I participated once – in junior high – for a week – then stopped because I knew it was wrong.  Unfortunately most kids have not been guided to follow their conscience but instead have been allowed to participate in crowd mentality.  Schools ignore it.  Most parents are too lazy and thus dismiss it as just kids being kids.  Lord of the flies continues until enough parents get it and do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m seeing.  Please remember to share and leave a donation.  Thank you!

Love,

V.

******

 

 

 

Wrath_ Eyez @Wrath_Eyez
26 March, 12:28
The Post That Got Me Suspended On Twitter Lol.

 

 

 

 

this is uh interesting………….a plot twist maybe?  or just one of those doppelganger/matrix can only throw out so many faces inside this place….

 

 

 

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR

 

 

 

 

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump
·

 

 

 

Red Panda’s are everywhere now………..

 

 

 

 

Bubba ………..צְפַרְדֵּעַ @Bubba6x9
25 March, 10:04
Crystal59747465
Trump stepped out right at 5:55
Drop# 555 was posted on 1/19>911
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As spoken of in the reflection – The Giants:
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walker Fast@Fastwalker
25 March, 07:51
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walker Fast@Fastwalker
25 March, 07:52
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Yes – yes – we know.  I also had something come to me – about their circular stadiums – could be the shape of our original “game” platform shape that “they” took from us and used against us….
Thungawd …@Bipitybopityboo
25 March, 07:53
— THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS IN PLAIN SIGHT — ALL STADIUMS IN THE WORLD ARE BUILT LIKE A ONE EYE SYMBOL. — STADIUMS ARE RITUAL ENERGY EXTRACTION SITES. — IMAGINE THESE FULL OF CHEERING PEOPLE. — SENDING COLOSSAL AMOUNTS OF COMPETITIVE, WORSHIPPING/IDOLIZING ENERGY & VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE EYES. — ALL OVER THE WORLD. — SIMULTANEOUSLY & PROTECTING IT INTO THE UNIVERSE. — GIVE THEM BREAD & CIRCUSSEN & THEY WILL NEVER REVOLT — THIS IS A SATANIC RITUAL —
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Words from T’s rally (who was not wearing a tie and had his shirt collar opened which seems to present a relaxed “it’s all good” energy – heavy stuff over although my sense is we’ve been in the final battle this month – close to the end…………Dark to Light……….new year 4.1)…….Not that this is the real T – but still sending a comm to anons………
Trump Girl@DownSouthScotMichelle
25 March, 07:51

I am your WARRIOR

I am your JUSTICE.

I am your RETRIBUTION.

We WILL take care of it!

Jason Webber @Haldir1970
25 March, 06:58

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All of the flag poles at the Trump rally at Waco, TX have a silver Eagle finial.

Per the US Military, this finial is only used for flagpoles associated with the offices of the PRESIDENT, and Vice President.

This is a clear message. Donald Trump is the President of the United States of America.

https://www.americanflags….

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He who holds the key………..
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He likes doing that 1111 thing………..
KiKi Love1111 ⭐️✅@KiKiLove1111
25 March, 08:03
In response Vincent Kennedy⍟ to his Publication
😎 Who else testing Vibes🧠💬✨? 🥰😎
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DENAZIFICATION – LEGAL BASIS – UN Charter Chapter-17

BOOM! How Articles 106 & 107 of the UNITED NATIONS CHARTER LEGALIZE Putin’s EVERY ACTION in Ukraine! and BEYOND!!! Articles 106 and 107 of the UN Charter give Russia, as the legal successor of the vic

https://rumble.com/v2497rk-denazification-legal-basis-un-charter-chapter-17.html

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******

Reflecting……….continues………3.25.23

 

I know why most of you come here – because I tell it AS IT IS and I question everything – which means my narrative(s) sometimes change – which is what AWAKENING is.

Awakening to where we are.  Who we are.  Why we are.  When we are.  What’s here.  What are all of those things out there that we have been denied the right to see due to genetic compromise.  Who did it.  And why.

There are no lessons here.  No real “karmic” energy.  No tests.  I’m a teacher, ok?  And when I want my child to learn something new – I give her unlimited access to all the information she wants.  And if she doesn’t get it/comprehend it the first time, that’s ok.  We try again.

That is what LOVE does.

Telling another human that their alleged “failures” is the Universe trying to break them is as insane and harmful as telling the infant learning to walk and keeps falling that the God that loves them so much is trying to break them so that they can learn something.

Those doing this – just STOP already!

THAT IS NOT HOW LOVE WORKS.  It doesn’t first harm with intention THEN reward.

Seriously.  BIGGEST EYE ROLL YET on that one.

EVIL is what harms us with intention.  Pokes.  Tests.  Hides.  Tells us we’re on our own.  Tells us to figure it out on our own (while hiding the truth that we seek).

We are being awakened – individually – deprogrammed – pulled out – of frequencies that have wrapped around us and within us like wretched snakes – in such a way – gently – so that our individual minds can handle the process.  That’s why it sucks for so many of us who are miles ahead – waiting for others to catch up.  I don’t like it either as those long time readers know – I lament a lot on that – and I know at some point there has to be the ending point where enough “time” has passed so as not to lose those on the other side of the bus (US) – but it makes sense to my logical mind when I step back and view this place for what I currently see it as.

I was reflecting on PTSD earlier after a beautiful convo with one of you – who also deals with it.  The best kind of convo – the real raw authentic no holding back kind of convo that I crave and appreciate so much.  PTSD…..It isn’t a “disorder” – it’s an injury.  Like someone who loses a limb – it is an experience NO ONE asks for or created on his/her own- but rather happens TO us.  And for myself (and her as well) – I have searched out and tried just about every treatment available (except “their drugs” – which is a big NOOOOO for me) – and it remains.  I know I will be healed – upon liberation from the very damaging frequencies and likely attachments that were created after the injuries.  How this happens and when – I don’t know.  I just know I WILL BE FREE of all that this place threw at me to create harm and fear.

It is as it is.  I AM OK WITH WHO I AM.  And that is where my True Power comes from and remains – SOLID – no matter how sheotty or depleted the rest of my human vessel feels.

Love,

Victoria

 

 

O Sole Mio………….Merry Christmas Eve………….

 

 

May be an image of text that says 'There's theory that says that life is based on a competition and the struggle and the fight for survival, and it's interesting because when you look at the fractal character of evolution, it's totally different. It's based on cooperation among the lements in the geometry and not competition. -Bruce Lipton'

 

I had to sing this song – on an urge earlier this evening- just needed to – to change an energy I was feeling over an experience I was having.  I never sing that song – even though I happen to love it.  Anyway, I did and it shifted the moment from frustration to humor and a smile.   Still at a level of tired I didn’t think possible – but hearing from others having the same (as in WTF is up with this kind of tired??) – and it gives me hope and a knowing I can trust myself when remembering those words I felt/heard 4 years ago:  the closer we get to the end the most I would need to sleep/rest.  NEED to sleep and actually sleepING though – yeah.

Decided to gematria O Sole Mio:  Final Battle.  Sure feeeeels like it.

Had another one of those “here I go walking drunken sideways” again – as I spoke the experience aloud in the kitchen to my mate – he says the words as well.  Same experience.  Exact same moment.  And in the same bodily direction/pull.  Head feels verrrrrrrrrry strange.  3rd eye wonky.  Can’t talk very well.  Sloppy use of body (could I have a bib and maybe the use of my hands – no pain and no weakness – it’s like half the energy of me is missing).  Forgetting words mid sentence.  Seeing that perhaps sleep is going to be in short bursts – hard crash – then BAM awake.  Repeat.

Until we don’t.

Dare I see what’s going on “out there”?  Had Z E R O interest in that earlier today – but feeling a need to take a wee little peek.  Just read the storm is coming.  lolol  Coming?  It’s HERE.  Do not get why some ain’t feeling these experiences physically esp. – even those in the awakening movement.  They still have all this energy leaving me absolutely perplexed.  Perhaps it’s as I have continued to feel – we ain’t all from the same place – ain’t going TO the same place – and some ain’t original POW’s.  Maybe like the matrix.  Some born OUTSIDE (and brought in) and others inside.

Love,

V.

perfection

******

There are intense storms and tornado’s in the SSE portions of the states.  Praying for safety.  We prayed the intention for safety and for the storms to cease at the dinner table tonight.  Holding moments of silence for the people.  MAY THIS BE THE END OF SUCH WEATHER.  This channel on twatter keeps updates.  Alabama looks to be the current focus.  Ryan Hall is also on it – livestreaming – atm there are no more current tornado threats – he says there will be more warnings but the big threat is over.

Well this also explains my lament all of last year of “I AM NOT SUPPORTING THIS PAST 2022” – and stillllllll feeeeeeeeeeeeeel the same.

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https://qagg.news/

 

So according to the Ramadan Calendar – we’re in the year 1444.  Uh…….

https://hijri-calendar.com/en/Ramadan/1444

 

Ok – I went down a little rabbit hole.  VK shared that tweet last night (below) – about the future.  Someone asked when and I knew he said 9:01 – went searching for the response – and here it is:

Ramadan Calendar – 9/10 (mirror – 9/01) is 4.1.23 – the official New Year of 2023………

Saturday 1444/9/10 2023/4/1

We’ll see uh in another week, right?  Moving on………..Interesting what is coming to me now – I feel like I am in a new space – literally.  Also I remember next week is the WWE 2 day event – first time it’s been 2 days.

 

 

i can see that………

 

 

 

 

 

 

went to zerohedge – cannot look at the headlines……….

 

SAN TAROT…..foxes going through portals – half in one world half in another……..describes perfectly how i am feeling………..(san also having issues w/her hands too recently)…………new energy leading to abundance……..

Sagittarius – You’re glowing.

 

Surrendering.  Trusting in Me and Universe Consciousness.  ’tis all I got now……..

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******

 

 

 

Later in the day check-in

 

I am really struggling now.  Really really really REALLY.  I think, however, the term “struggling” no longer is suitable.  It’s more of an “I don’t know what to do anymore” about my challenges.  I really don’t.  Intending.  Praying.  Seeking.  Knocking on doors.  Asking.  My challenges also include the battles of my daughter and mate.  I no longer know what to do to truly help them.  I see what is happening to my mind – and it concerns me a bit.  I can’t carry my family the way I once did – emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I own that – I honor that – and yet here it still remains – a family in need – without the level of support needed and deserved.

I got angry last night when I watched Heartland.  Most of the characters and the roles they play – not really a solid grasp of how good they have it.  I know obviously it’s a tv show – but there is an air of aloofness along with much take-it-for-granted moments.  It’s become hard to watch – because I long sooooooooooo much for that kind of connection and solid family support in my day to day life.  It’s an unmet need that is leaving me feel so parched now.  We were forced into isolation – abandoned by people we thought were friends.  And now with the graphene oxide that has a loud intrusive party on us whenever WI-FI frequencies are around – that isolation is so f’ing palpable now.  No need to go into details I’ve already shared.

I feel like my mate and I – in our own ways – yell into the cosmos – calling it in – calling the love and help and support and healing and connection in – and the experience on our end feels like we’re talking to a bunch of empty space.  A giant empty hall where I hear just a faint echo of expressed words.

I feel so sad.  So angry.  And feel so. completely. broken.  Powerless.  EXHAUSTED.  Yeah, people say don’t give up and don’t do this and do that.  Blah blah blah is all I hear now.  They are only words.  I’ve been doing all that all along.  Powering up – REALLY powering up on the hard days?  Now though?  I’m depleted.  When I’m waking up – and not even remembering pounding on the bed saying I AM DONE I AM DONE – I’m desperate.  (mate says i did that again last night in my sleep)  I need a tribe around me.  I need the $$ means to MOVE and the opportunity in which to DO so.  I need to connect with (draw to me) those of similar mindsets who are doing well and have the means in which to help.  I need REAL healing not this ongoing half ass sheot I receive mostly due to $$ – although when I am honest with myself – the kind of healing I seek I know to be very very careful in who plays around in my energy space.  Unless one is at the level I am as to this reality – I won’t work with them.  I’ve had certain issues worsen after working with those who called in angels and any and all dimensional beings to offer “assistance” and “guidance” (and most every one of ’em said I hadn’t learned my lessons yet so no answers for my questions).

My ability to “do” feels broken.  I’m on the ground and this time I don’t know how I am going to pull myself back up.  I’ll keep going – but now it feels like I am crawling.  Some good sleep would help out – I know that – and I do the breathing exercises, the foot baths, the stretching, the yoga and intending and am popping cbd gummies and Bach Flower essences like candy – and none. of. it. is. working. atm.  Falling asleep isn’t the problem.  I do that just fine.  It’s waking up suddenly – wide awake – usually highly agitated – with no memory as to why I am agitated.  And then I lay there – until I decide to get up – get a bite to eat and drink – return to bed.  And repeat.  It’s taken a toll.  I’m losing my train of thought easily – I’m forgetting to do things I said I would – which has become quite annoying to my daughter.

Speaking of my daughter, she is having yet another “fake friend” issue.  Yet another little one is showing signs of being a bully – dismissive – with my girl once again doing all. of. the. reaching. out.

ARE THERE ANY REAL PEOPLE LEFT HERE?  Yes – that is a serious question.  I am having very strong WTF is this place really?!

Aside from the group of you I speak with – I’m baffled as to the level of “fakeness” out there.  Lack of consideration.

I once read something – beautiful words – about when you go silent for awhile – those who reach out to check in on you – those are your people.  I’ve been both very saddened and happily surprised with that one.  Those of you who reach out – THANK YOU!  Those of you who check in with me as I do here on my site and in private – THANK YOU!  When I ask and offer to share your personal needs here – and ask how you are – that is the core and heart of WHO I AM.  I do not share those words lightly.

I now own and honor how I’ve been – WHO I am.  I see someone in need – I reach out – ask what is needed.  If I can’t help, I try and find others who can.  And I may sound like an entitled prima donna – but this is how I feel:  It is time for me to have that love returned.  And I accept it because I deserve it.

Every one of you do.

Love,

Victoria

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