I cannot get this song out of my mind and heart the past few days.  Today it is especially PRESENT.  So listening……and listening……..purging – omg am I purging.  Crying.  Releasing.  Letting go – of relationships and attachments – so hard to do.  Family stuff – who I miss so much.  The whole cv drama – the lies the division and all of it – created so much pain – each making their own choice – but still all leading to this huge emptiness in my heart.

I miss my childhood – certain moments.  I remember sitting at the breakfast counter one saturday evening with my brother.  Our parents were out for the night.  Just the two of us – listening to the radio – and this song came on – TIME.  I always loved it – and rarely heard it – so I grabbed my tape recorder and recorded it – forever on tape.  I used to think it was called The Tide – but then realized it was TIME.  The song always felt important to me – and I’ve been really trying to remember those delightful moments of my youth when I was full of awe and wonder (when I wasn’t in hormonal puberty angst).  The world how it is now – unrecognizable completely – I feel absolutely no attachment to any of it – just disdain – like an obnoxious sound and light I keep pushing away from me.  Cannnot look at it – cannot be in OR of it.  I hold no vision for the future as that feels like it’s being withheld – so I am getting that comfort – that unmet need – filled however I can as I mentioned last night.  Anyway – here is the song.  It feels very fitting for this moment.  Other than that, I got nothing other than a longing emptiness.  Love, V.

TIME

I haven’t shared much lately as to how I have been – especially this past week.  After feeling moments of “amazing” and feeling very strong and powerful – earlier this week that shifted and I have been struggling since.  Being around the v’d – out a lot in public with crowds –  not following my own advice of only going out to get supplies after a certain hour when all is pretty quiet – hit me.  Having the same physical symptoms.  Mate went out yesterday and had the most intense headache of his life.  Thankfully it subsided overnight.

I lay in bed last night and cried for what seemed like a good hour.  I couldn’t stop.  After the crying need ceased, I began seeing “them” in my minds eye.  Never had that happen before.  I had no fear.  I saw several versions of “them” – each looking at me.  I shook my head and simply said “NO” and they disappeared.  NOT WORTH MY TIME.

The feeling continues today.  I don’t want to be weak or run down.  I want to be STRONG.  But I am as I am now.  And I derive Strength in letting myself feeeeeeel those intense emotions that separate me from the zombies and allow me to BE HUMAN.

Now I “get” what 17 meant by wearing the armor of God.  THE one and only God.  And Jesus.  I’m not religious – but there is something to visualizing that “armor” and calling on that Powerful Love/Consciousness of Jesus.  For me that is.  This war is indeed Spiritual and these dimensionals T spoke of are very real.  Sick.  Demented.  Pure evil.  Neighbors of ours – friends – who are quite religious – wonderful people – without diving into the rabbit holes as we have in this house – feeeeel too in their body and know we are under attack by something evil.  It’s palpable for anyone who has done ANY ongoing searching/questioning of this matrix reality.

So…..today I am who I am.  I am f’ing done with these dolts who are lining up to get their kids jabbed and masked.  O M G WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?  At this point – WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?  Makes me want to scream.  Their decisions come from an energy of insanity.  No logic.  No rational/critical thought.  And absolutely zero emotion other than fear (on over-drive).  So yeah – I am a bundle of emotions today.  But still solid as ever in my Truth.

Here is a current self portrait.  Me behind the matrix grid surrounded by blah.  When I hear system speak that is what I hear – and this is what I feel like.  Something I just doodled while waiting to get on this here laptop.

As always….

Love,

******