well tribe – the sentiment today – at least earlier in the day was UGH! survival needs. financial and relationship struggles. trauma’s getting triggered H U G E L Y.
after a challenging nights sleep where all in this house had poking dreams, i woke up feeling an even new level of DONE. before i went to bed last night i was the epitome of “fit to be tied”. not pretty.
the feeling lately – rather bi-polar. for me.
and given the overwhelming number of public and personal messages i read and received this morning and today – i quickly realized i was not alone in this current experience.
thank goodness as i really was wondering if i was indeed losing my mind – actually if i was the only one. i figured ok if we’re all losing our minds together so be it. don’t want to do THAT one alone. ha.
so no – not losing our minds in the way we are shown here.
maybe just losing and releasing what isn’t mine.
and perhaps too also just getting plain ‘ole attacked.
so….i made the choice to work with this experience. actually a better term is play. i played with it. i had my trauma integration session today and before i left the house, i let myself first write, then speak the words behind the feelings i was having today – out-loud. alone. i just went with it and let it out. this helped. and unlike last nights releasing, i felt i had supportive energy. that feeling was subtle – but definitely noticeable.
so….by the time i arrived to my session, i was feeling inspired. during today’s treatment, i went to a core wound – and found an empowered place again – in a way i haven’t felt so purely in years. you know how it goes – you speak the words on how you want to feel – but that doesn’t always align w/the the wounded voice within. today – the feeling within synched up w/the words i spoke.
asserting my needs.
stating my value.
feeling my value.
I AM THE VALUE. i got that today. i just GOT it. i haven’t written of that yet here as the term has left me rather confused. what does it mean: “I am the value”. i have been searching for that feeling lately – what is this for me?
for me – this is my experience for now – the current healing – owning my value.
when i am in that space i create good, solid boundaries.
i align myself as pure equals with others (instead of either feeling less than or when i go to the opposite – better than).
and i assert my needs.
and with that i bring this to the table:
My work i do here on this website has value.
and it is work i do here and provide every day.
if you are a regular reader and you find value in what i do, i request of you to provide an energy in return by donating.
it is time to step it up.
show my work has value to you. show it is worth my time and energy to keep this site going. even just $1/month which all can do. as i have said – all providing just a couple of dollars adds up each month. i see the work i do here as being no different than going to see a counselor or having some energy/body work done, buying a self-help book, purchasing a space in a webinar or even hiring someone to come provide a needed repair. what IS different is that i leave the amount up to you.
share. like. subscribe. and donate. easy peasy!
i wanted to share an idea i had today while i was feeling inspired – sitting in my car in the moments before i walked into the building for my healing session….an idea of how we can support one another through this.
if there is something you need – pass it on to me privately (via the “CONTACT” option on the main page) and i will share it here.
if it is a need that cannot be provided for by anyone in this space, we can hold that need in our vision and hearts and call forth the experience needed to surround the person.
together and with effort and persistence we can create amazing things for ourselves and one another.
as i told my mate last night: “i am going to manifest firewood for us to last as long as we need.”
as i end this writing, we now have 3/4 of a cord of wood out back. the cost?
free. (they needed the wood gone – it saved them a costly trip to the dump. so a win/win deal!)
one last thought – about wtfrig happened last night and into this morning. my feel is an attack of some sort went through the matrix – and then early this morning those energies were cleared – at least greatly lessened (although i visualize it clearing out totally and permanently). interestingly enough, checking on the schumann, there is a 6-7 hour gap of missing data – which began around 11pm pacific time (here in the states) and ended around 4am. and wow was i a royal mess during that time both in waking and sleeping state. shaking off the residual experience when i woke up, grumpier than i can recall feeling in a long time, and working through it, i was rather surprised at how supported i felt in doing this. truly – i was surprised. last night i cried and wrote to release – none of that worked for me. at all. and so that’s why i also began to freak out a little bit – maybe i am losing my mind.
i take this as an indication it will be easier to release these experiences. we have been hearing this for awhile – perhaps that has now made its way to us. MAY IT REMAIN.
that is my wish for every one of us.
love,
victoria
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