Today was the day of the local street fair event. I worked on my creations for over a month. I bought the supplies. I also practiced my songs, for part of what I was selling today was (donation-based) my music. I sat outside for almost 5 hours. I played for over 2. Here is the result:
I sold one bracelet for $5 and had a $1 donation for my music.
I had numerous very positive comments on both my bracelets and my music. People stopped. Listened. Asked questions.
And yet, as for whatever reasons completely unknown to me and perhaps I need no longer care, which I would if food, etc. were free, I seem to repel making money. I could check my thoughts although I know plenty of people who hate the money system and still make a good living at it so that isn’t it.
It is something cosmic. Is it a negative force? Am I being called at a Higher Level? I don’t know. And I don’t care right now. What I do care about, what is causing my belly to clench, is how often I put myself, my gifts, my Higher Gifts, out there and do not receive in return what I intend, desire, etc. Or very little alignment w/the energy of efforts in terms of money flowing back to me.
I know I said I had no expectations. I guess I was lying to myself.
I expected to make a good amount of money. I did set the intention and visualized selling over half of my bracelets. I also saw people tossing in dollar bills listening to me play. Damn, people do that all over this town for the busker’s. Today though? With me?
I don’t get it.
Maybe I should just stop giving of myself and sit out at the corner with a sign saying “Money needed. Anything helps. Thank you.” People do that all over this city and the masses give them money. I don’t like that idea. I like the idea of an exchange of energy. But apparently “liking” something to make money doesn’t matter because if it DID I would be making far more.
Crap, you know? Donations are even down on my site in spite of subscribers increasing.
I’m just disillusioned. My heart is aching a good deal right now over this. This goddess is very hurt at how I have shared of myself and gotten very little in return for the amount of energetic investment I put forth.
Sometimes there are no answers. Perhaps that is how it was designed here. Perhaps that is part of the programming. Some people thrive, others struggle to survive.
I’m ready to put the struggle to bed. I’m far too gifted and willing to share to struggle in this manner any longer.
Other than that, to end on a positive, I DID enjoy myself. I did an experiment with the piano. I began by playing cover’s and while people would listen, few stopped and listened. But then I switched it up, closed my eyes (to get into my zone, my heart-space) and played one of my most intense originals ~ a song of how we are all a part of the same life and wow. That’s when people stopped and listened. Some really listened intensely (mostly the younger crowd ~ which gave me chills).
So while I may not jive and vibe with the whole pay to live money system, I do vibe with the All at the Cosmic Level. And that will have to be my gift for now. Some day very soon that will be payment to put food on my table, right?
Speaking of, off to put together some dinner. Until next time…
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Victoria
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