Latest Posts

10.1.24 ~ End of Day Finds Including Mossad Headquarters in Tel Aviv Leveled

 

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Humanity needs a collective hug……….

I hand out free hugs to anyone in need.  Really does feel like we all need to be holding on to one another.  Energy feeeeeeeeeeeeeels, you know.

😧😫🥴

Here are the goods.  Please remember to support my work – my amazing work – as a truther, as someone who has wanted humanity freed and liberated since I was a wee one – and as a mama who more than ANYTHING wants to give her girl the life experience she oh so deserves.  Dedicated so much of my life to this – and oh so close now.

💖

Victoria

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This is a bigga BOOM:

 

May be an image of text

 

 

Open them up.  Show the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was reflecting on this one in recent weeks – sensing Q could simply be THE Quantum Computer – given the language it seems quite AI to me.

 

 

Charles Schwab chief Walt Bettinger to retire at end of year

Sony Pictures CEO Tony Vinciquerra steps down (msn.com)

 

Got some good info through this source:

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Julian’s testimony from today:

here it is for those who aren’t on twitter:

“Julian Assange’s full testimony to the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe (PACE) in Strasbourg today: “Mr. Chairman, esteemed members of the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe, ladies and gentlemen. The transition from years of confinement in a maximum-security prison to standing here before the representatives of 46 nations and 700 million people is a profound and surreal shift.

The experience of isolation for years in a small cell is difficult to convey; it strips away one’s sense of self, leaving only the raw essence of existence. I am not yet fully equipped to speak about what I have endured – the relentless struggle to stay alive, both physically and mentally, nor can i speak yet about the deaths by hanging, murder, and medical neglect of my fellow prisoners.

I apologise in advance if my words falter or if my presentation lacks the polish you might expect in such a distinguished forum. Isolation has taken its toll, which I am trying to unwind, and expressing myself in this setting is a challenge. However, the gravity of this occasion and the weight of the issues at hand compel me to set aside my reservations and speak to you directly. I have traveled a long way, literally and figuratively, to be before you today.

Before our discussion or answering any questions you might have, I wish to thank PACE for its 2020 resolution (2317), [pace.coe.int/en/files/28508], which stated that my imprisonment set a dangerous precedent for journalists and noted that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for my release. I’m also grateful for PACE’s 2021 statement [pace.coe.int/en/news/8446/p] expressing concern over credible reports that US officials discussed my assassination, again calling for my prompt release. And I commend the Legal Affairs and Human Rights Committee for commissioning a renowned rapporteur, Sunna Ævarsdóttir, to investigate the circumstances surrounding my detention and conviction and the consequent implications for human rights.

However, like so many of the efforts made in my case – whether they were from parliamentarians, presidents, prime ministers, the Pope, UN officials and diplomats, unions, legal and medical professionals, academics, activists, or citizens – none of them should have been necessary.

None of the statements, resolutions, reports, films, articles, events, fundraisers, protests, and letters over the last 14 years should have been necessary. But all of them were necessary because without them I never would have seen the light of day.

This unprecedented global effort was needed because of the legal protections that did exist, many existed only on paper or were not effective in any remotely reasonable time frame. I eventually chose freedom over unrealisable justice, after being detained for years and facing a 175 year sentence with no effective remedy.

Justice for me is now precluded, as the US government insisted in writing into its plea agreement that I cannot file a case at the European Court of Human Rights or even a freedom of information act request over what it did to me as a result of its extradition request.

I want to be totally clear. I am not free today because the system worked. I am free today because after years of incarceration because I plead guilty to journalism. I plead guilty to seeking information from a source. I plead guilty to obtaining information from a source. And I plead guilty to informing the public what that information was. I did not plead guilty to anything else.

I hope my testimony today can serve to highlight the weaknesses of the existing safeguards and to help those whose cases are less visible but who are equally vulnerable. As I emerge from the dungeon of Belmarsh, the truth now seems less discernible, and I regret how much ground has been lost during that time period when expressing the truth has been undermined, attacked, weakened, and diminished.

I see more impunity, more secrecy, more retaliation for telling the truth and more self censorship. It is hard not to draw a line from the US government’s prosecution of me – its crossing the rubicon by internationally criminalising journalism – to the chilled climate for freedom of expression now.

When I founded WikiLeaks, it was driven by a simple dream: to educate people about how the world works so that, through understanding, we might bring about something better. Having a map of where we are lets us understand where we might go. Knowledge empowers us to hold power to account and to demand justice where there is none. We obtained and published truths about tens of thousands of hidden casualties of war and other unseen horrors, about programs of assassination, rendition, torture, and mass surveillance. We revealed not just when and where these things happened but frequently the policies, the agreements, and structures behind them.

When we published Collateral Murder, the infamous gun camera footage of a US Apache helicopter crew eagerly blowing to pieces Iraqi journalists and their rescuers, the visual reality of modern warfare shocked the world. But we also used interest in this video to direct people to the classified policies for when the US military could deploy lethal force in Iraq and how many civilians could be killed before gaining higher approval.

In fact, 40 years of my potential 175-year sentence was for obtaining and releasing these policies. The practical political vision I was left with after being immersed in the world’s dirty wars and secret operations is simple:

Let us stop gagging, torturing, and killing each other for a change. Get these fundamentals right and other political, economic, and scientific processes will have space to take care of the rest. WikiLeaks’ work was deeply rooted in the principles that this Assembly stands for. Journalism that elevated freedom of information and the public’s right to know found its natural operational home in Europe.

I lived in Paris and we had formal corporate registrations in France and in Iceland. Our journalistic and technical staff were spread throughout Europe. We published to the world from servers in based in France, Germany, and Norway. But 14 years ago the United States military arrested one of our alleged whistleblowers, PFC Manning, a US intelligence analyst based in Iraq.

The US government concurrently launched an investigation against me and my colleagues. The US government illicitly sent planes of agents to Iceland, paid bribes to an informer to steal our legal and journalistic work product, and without formal process pressured banks and financial services to block our subscriptions and freeze our accounts.

The UK government took part in some of this retribution. It admitted at the European Court of Human Rights that it had unlawfully spied on my UK lawyers during this time.

Ultimately this harassment was legally groundless. President Obama’s Justice Department chose not to indict me, recognizing that no crime had been committed. The United States had never before prosecuted a publisher for publishing or obtaining government information. To do so would require a radical and ominous reinterpretation of the US Constitution.

In January 2017, Obama also commuted the sentence of Manning, who had been convicted of being one of my sources.

However, in February 2017, the landscape changed dramatically. President Trump had been elected.

He appointed two wolves in MAGA hats: Mike Pompeo, a Kansas congressman and former arms industry executive, as CIA Director, and William Barr, a former CIA officer, as US Attorney General.

By March 2017, WikiLeaks had exposed the CIA’s infiltration of French political parties, its spying on French and German leaders, its spying on the European Central Bank, European economics ministries, and its standing orders to spy on French industry as a whole. We revealed the CIA’s vast production of malware and viruses, its subversion of supply chains, its subversion of antivirus software, cars, smart TVs and iPhones. CIA Director Pompeo launched a campaign of retribution.

It is now a matter of public record that under Pompeo’s explicit direction, the CIA drew up plans to kidnap and to assassinate me within the Ecuadorian Embassy in London and authorized going after my European colleagues, subjecting us to theft, hacking attacks, and the planting of false information. My wife and my infant son were also targeted.

A CIA asset was permanently assigned to track my wife and instructions were given to obtain DNA from my six month old son’s nappy.

This is the testimony of more than 30 current and former US intelligence officials speaking to the US press, which has been additionally corroborated by records seized in a prosecution brought against some of the CIA agents involved. The CIA’s targeting of myself, my family and my associates through aggressive extrajudicial and extraterritorial means provides a rare insight into how powerful intelligence organisations engage in transnational repression.

Such repressions are not unique. What is unique is that we know so much about this one due to numerous whistleblowers and to judicial investigations in Spain.

This Assembly is no stranger to extraterritorial abuses by the CIA. PACE’s groundbreaking report on CIA renditions in Europe exposed how the CIA operated secret detention centres and conducted unlawful renditions on European soil, violating human rights and international law. In February this year, the alleged source of some of our CIA revelations, former CIA officer Joshua Schulte, was sentenced to forty years in prison under conditions of extreme isolation. His windows are blacked out, and a white noise machine plays 24 hours a day over his door so that he cannot even shout through it.

These conditions are more severe than those found in Guantanamo Bay.

Transnational repression is also conducted by abusing legal processes. The lack of effective safeguards against this means that Europe is vulnerable to having its mutual legal assistance and extradition treaties hijacked by foreign powers to go after dissenting voices in Europe. In Mike Pompeo’s memoirs, which I read in my prison cell, the former CIA Director bragged about how he pressured the US Attorney General to bring an extradition case against me in response to our publications about the CIA.

Indeed, acceding to Pompeo’s efforts, the US Attorney General reopened the investigation against me that Obama had closed and re-arrested Manning, this time as a witness.

Manning was held in prison for over a year and fined a thousand dollars a day in a formal attempt to coerce her into providing secret testimony against me. She ended up attempting to take her own life. We usually think of attempts to force journalists to testify against their sources. But Manning was now a source being forced to testify against their journalist.

By December 2017, CIA Director Pompeo had got his way, and the US government issued a warrant to the UK for my extradition. The UK government kept the warrant secret from the public for two more years, while it, the US government, and the new president of Ecuador moved to shape the political, legal, and diplomatic ground for my arrest.

When powerful nations feel entitled to target individuals beyond their borders, those individuals do not stand a chance unless there are strong safeguards in place and a state willing to enforce them.

Without them no individual has a hope of defending themselves against the vast resources that a state aggressor can deploy. If the situation were not already bad enough in my case, the US government asserted a dangerous new global legal position.

Only US citizens have free speech rights. Europeans and other nationalities do not have free speech rights. But the US claims its Espionage Act still applies to them regardless of where they are. So Europeans in Europe must obey US secrecy law with no defences at all as far as the US government is concerned.

An American in Paris can talk about what the US government is up to – perhaps. But for a Frenchman in Paris, to do so is a crime without any defence and he may be extradited just like me. Now that one foreign government has formally asserted that Europeans have no free speech rights, a dangerous precedent has been set. Other powerful states will inevitably follow suit.

The war in Ukraine has already seen the criminalisation of journalists in Russia, but based on the precedent set in my extradition, there is nothing to stop Russia, or indeed any other state, from targeting European journalists, publishers, or even social media users, by claiming that their secrecy laws have been violated.

The rights of journalists and publishers within the European space are seriously threatened. Transnational repression cannot become the norm here. As one of the world’s two great norm-setting institutions, PACE must act.

The criminalisation of newsgathering activities is a threat to investigative journalism everywhere.

I was formally convicted, by a foreign power, for asking for, receiving, and publishing truthful information about that power while I was in Europe.

The fundamental issue is simple: Journalists should not be prosecuted for doing their jobs. Journalism is not a crime; it is a pillar of a free and informed society.

Mr Chairman, distinguished delegates, if Europe is to have a future where the freedom to speak and the freedom to publish the truth are not privileges enjoyed by a few but rights guaranteed to all then it must act so that what has happened in my case never happens to anyone else.

I wish to express my deepest gratitude to this assembly, to the conservatives, social democrats, liberals, leftists, greens, and independents – who have supported me throughout this ordeal and to the countless individuals who have advocated tirelessly for my release.

It is heartening to know that in a world often divided by ideology and interests, there remains a shared commitment to the protection of essential human liberties.

Freedom of expression and all that flows from it is at a dark crossroad.

I fear that unless norm setting institutions like PACE wake up to the gravity of the situation it will be too late. Let us all commit to doing our part to ensure that the light of freedom never dims, that the pursuit of truth will live on, and that the voices of the many are not silenced by the interests of the few.”‘ Watch the entire hearing here (includes introductions and following Q&A session) youtube.com/live/Mq85IZMei

 

 

 

Today’s funniest find award……….ya’ll will love this one:

More Questioning of The Plan

 

I woke up with the sudden knowing (as what often happens) about why North Carolina in particular was so brutally, horrifically and unnecessarily targeted last week:  The state found and removed over 700,000 voters from the election rolls.

Then there was this going on in Georgia at the time:

GA election board probes handling of mass voter challenges in eight Democrat-led counties

 

And there you go – moves and countermoves.

Where’s the countermove?  Where was something to stop or at least lessen the power of the storm?  Where were the good guys to stop this obvious attack? – what happened to “YOUR FAMILIES ARE SAFE”?

Hmm?

I “get” war.

But how much of what we are experiencing is war, how much is movie?  It all feels like deception to me – which again I get – this war is full of it on both sides.  The question I have is are we seeing more of the same – problem, reaction, solution?  Different sides of the same f’ing coin.

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I see big accounts speculating on what’s going on in NC – some saying it’s to show the Federal Government and its agencies are not needed – but instead the focus on aid should come from the States.

That’s all fine and dandy unless you and your children are stranded without food, water, shelter and/or heat/cooling – for days and need help NOW.  Think these people are interested in some plan to save humanity when they needed saving/help 72 hours prior?

Hmm?

YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES ARE SAFE.

Safe from what?

Poverty?  Uh, no.

Storms and fires?

Uh, no.

Mounds of debt just to eat?

Uh, no.

As most of you know I am surrounded by Harris loving “folks” who apparently are just fine and dandy with how the last four years have been.  Either that or their TDS is so extreme they figure they can tolerate another four years as given the signage placement I see around here – every one of ’em around here own nice homes and have secure jobs.

How nice for them.

THIS is who we are trying to awaken at this point?

How many real truther’s and real humans with real hearts and real lives – and their children – have to be sacrificed and/or hurt to get their attention?

I sure as fuch don’t consent to that.  Time to count the losses amongst them – unless the cleaning up and removal is still going on – which is something I haven’t a clue about because – as we keep being told – this is war and war=deception.  And I am learning by it – and realizing I can “go there” in order to create and manifest and do what I not only want to do but NEED to do.  For waiting stopped being an option for me and my child – whom I NEVER consented to having her go through what she has as a result from this plan/war.  I get that I f’d up royally in years past with my own refusal to see things in my own life – out of fear – all out of a false, lying but otherwise very powerful and quite locked-into-my-body-as-I-have-seen program of fear.  I did see for awhile – but the support incoming at the time was fake.  At least I can cut out people in a heartbeat if need be.

If you’re still with me – let me know.  Drop me a comment.  Let me know my efforts here are reaching more than just half a dozen or so beautiful Souls.

💖

Victoria

 

 

 

9.30.24 ~ What’s really going on?

 

 

It’s crazy – it feels like nothing is tethered – waiting on something to connect it all up again – like a downed power line, flailing around – waiting for it to stop.  Woke up feeling that myself too.  I’m so extra tired too – even after going to bed earlier and sleeping more – and better.  Been seeing 10:10 a lot the last few days.  Feeeeeeeeeels – current – looking deeper within and past the stories and questions in my mind – are to be mindful that there is a lot of disinfo right now – and to listen within to feeeeeeeeeeel if what is being pushed is nothing but fear (for the one side) or what is simply truth.  We have the abilities to differentiate and to feel that fear energy – it’s like a sticky syrup that attaches itself to things – including our own bodies and minds and the words we use.  Message of the day is “it only takes a short time for wonderful things to happen”.  Let’s intend that.

💖

Victoria

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Wanting to help – being told to “stand down”.  He asks why – says “make it make sense”.  Hunger and thirst – survival – takes priority.

 

 

 

THIS:

 

 

 

Trump Says He Asked Elon Musk to Hook-Up Starlink in Hurricane Hit Areas to Restore Communications (VIDEO)

 

WATCH LIVE: President Trump Delivers Remarks in Valdosta, Georgia After Hurricane Helene Briefing

 

Massive Verizon Outage Leaves ‘Millions’ Without Service Nationwide

 

Joe Biden Tells Americans Suffering in Flood Disaster Zone… “No.” There Won’t be More Resources Coming… “We’ve Given Them All We Have” (VIDEO)

 

Fed-up Citizens in Different Continents Step up Calls for Failed Globalist Leaders to ‘Do the Biden’ and Resign

 

US ports brace for shut down as dockworkers strike (yahoo.com)

 

full text:

“We are now heading to Valdosta, Georgia, in order to pay my respects and bring lots of relief material, including fuel, equipment, water, and other things, to the State. Many politicians and Law Enforcement will be there. We’ll be saying hello to Franklin Graham, Burt Jones, Tyler Harper, Mike Collins, Austin Scott, Russ Goodman, Sam Watson, and the Mayor of Valdosta Scott James. They are working very hard. I was also going to stop into North Carolina, which has really been hit hard. I have a lot of supplies ready for them, but access and communication is now restricted, and we want to make sure that Local Emergency Management is able to focus on helping the people most affected, and not being concerned with me. I’ll be there shortly, but don’t like the reports that I’m getting about the Federal Government, and the Democrat Governor of the State, going out of their way to not help people in Republican areas. MAGA!”

 

If you have a few dollars – please buy a piece of her jewelry so her family can eat.  Her hub is recovering from a heart attack (as I shared over the weekend).  TY!

 

 

 

Remember this connection:

John G Trump - Alchetron, The Free Social Encyclopedia Julian Assange Says WikiLeaks Has More Info on Clinton | TIME

 

 

We still have these things going on – or not going on shall I say:

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yes, i have heard the ancient mystics said marinating a pork roast is a cure all for insomnia………….

9.29.24 ~ Things are amping up – Upcoming “Imminent” Port Shutdown…..other finds, etc.

 

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Do you feel it?  It feels kind of weird atm – whatever brief lull there was has ended – for me that is – energetically.  I went to the store tonight – big box store – to get a pineapple.  They only had 2 lines running which is unheard of – and said lines went back into the aisles – not worth it for a pineapple so we left.  Lots of talk about stocking up, fueling up due to this alleged upcoming port shutdown due to strike.  More below on that.

With all of the devastation that Helene caused, which is more than I thought at first, there is some light – and seeing the best of humanity which proves again we the people do not need the government – not as long as we have each other and work together.  When there’s one of “their” disaster’s, the best of us show up and that’s something “they” will never have.  That said – enough of the war – enough suffering.  Intend, intend, intend.

Please remember to share and donate what you can.  Thank you – as always.

💖

Victoria

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Starting Tuesday:

US East and Gulf Coast Ports Face Imminent Shutdown as Union Announces Intent to Strike (gcaptain.com)

The International Longshoremen’s Association (ILA) on Sunday announced plans for a widespread strike at all Atlantic and Gulf Coast ports, scheduled to begin at 12:01 am on Tuesday, October 1, 2024.

With just 36 hours remaining before the expiration of the current ILA-USMX contract, negotiations between the ILA and the United States Maritime Alliance (USMX) have reached an impasse. The strike would involve 85,000 ILA members and impact ports from Maine to Texas, the ILA said in a Sunday update posted to Facebook.

 

 

 

 

Combs filth kinda got swept off the media stage after the hurricane…..

 

 

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Armor of God stuff/vibes………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And remember very recently when T said this is the last time we would have to vote – just one more time (when speaking to a Christian organization I believe)…….

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/musk-warns-if-trump-not-elected-will-be-last-election

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/lebowitz-calls-biden-harris-dissolve-supreme-court-turley

 

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/japans-nikkei-sinks-after-ruling-party-chooses-ishiba-as-next-prime-minister-42160dba?mod=asia-markets

 

Arctic Sea Ice Near Historic Low; Antarctic Ice Continues Decline

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lull over?

 

Is this a real life or illusion?  Are we making up ALL of this – if so – who is “we”?  You?  Me?  By placing this piece here – am I keeping the illusion going?  How the hell do we bust out of the illusion?

 

Is this the answer?  What we seek is seeking us so just let it happen?  I don’t know – this seems like an incomplete statement – as I continue to feeeeeeeeel there is a plan taking place to remove us/awaken us FROM this illusion/illusive experience……….30 years ago or so I was having the desire to see every one of us just stop – stop going to work – stop paying bills – stop paying fees and taxes and all of that.  Then I think ok – do we stop eating?  Stop taking care of ourselves?  Because if this IS one giant illusion – we still keep it going by eating, right?

 

9.28.24 ~ Finds

 

 

A lull perhaps?  Had some interesting experiences earlier.  Woo woo stuff.  Here’s what I’m seeing.  Please remember to share and donate.  Thank you!

💖

Victoria

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So for a few moments I was going to dig into this – but decided not to.  I know the enemies of you and me are behind this – with their little names and spells – giving their stewpid planetarium “stars” names to align with “their” evil little twats (in this case KH) doing “their” b.s. on humanity.  Snooze fest so moving on…….And btw – did any of you agree to these names?  Did you agree to the name Andromeda for instance?  Because I don’t recall doing that.  Doesn’t it always come down to “well that’s what ‘they’ decided to do.  That’s what ‘they’ say.”  Yep.  So, who is “they” and why should they have that power?  I don’t even like most of the constellation names.  Anyone down for renaming them?  Like sleepy dopey goofy happy doc?  Ideas?

 

I did however decided to do a quick gematria on the above (sirrah alamak):

Scare Event

The Last Dance (also showed up in last night’s gematria)

Time Is Up

I Am The Light

 

 

I remember when drag queen story hour at the library first came to town – my girl was invited to go with a group of her friends.  Another mother and I wanted to know more and upon learning we both agreed it was absolutely inappropriate activity for children.  However, she let her child go because as she said, she wanted to be socially and politically correct to which I responded, “I don’t”.  Like shown in the video, that behavior allows evil to grow and flourish – as we have seen usually slowly – so catch it early and just say N O.

 

 

 

 

It’s almost as if he knows something………….I’d say this is confirmation T comes back before Jan. 2025……….

 

The deeper it goes, the more unreal it becomes……….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it’s the Truman show……….

In The Truman Show (1998), when the stage light falls from the sky, it is labeled ‘Sirius ...

MrMBB333:

They fell from WAY up in the sky in BROAD daylight!!

 

 

 

 

9.27.24 ~ It’s The End of “the” World and Other Synchs…… Helping a Friend in Need…. Some Gematria….Upcoming Sky Events…. And the usual finds including a couple of BOOMS

 

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So…… I got into the flow around dinner time prep (below).  Things kept coming in, nudging me.  I turned on the radio as I sat down to eat and the woman is saying “well there’s a storm coming so we may as well have a good time”.  After dinner, my girl and I went out to get some food, turned on the radio and the guy said the world seems to be ending so let’s sing to it and on comes It’s The End Of The World.  The song you go hmm hmmmm do do doot LEONARD BERNSTAIN – although I noticed the name Trump is included.  I just went to verify and nope – it isn’t in the lyrics – but there is the term TRUMPED but it references to reporters.

Other interesting phrases from the song that align with now – eye of a hurricane, patriotic and rapture.

When I came home, my girl noticed the trip meter was 7.7.  Below for that synch and more finds.

Please remember to share and donate.  Thank you!

💖

Victoria

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First my friend K who is in need after her husband had a heart attack last night.  He is going to be ok but won’t be able to return to work for awhile.

Her Business X account.  Beautiful hand-crafted jewelry.

(1) Timeless Treasures Jewelry (@TimelessTJ17) / X

 

 

MIRROR………

 

9 Timeless Strategies from Sun-tzu’s ‘Art of War’ – Intellectual Takeout

 

This sounds to me that “O” is next up……….WILL THE REAL OPRAH WINFREY PLEASE STAND UP – Shared on Donald Trump’s Truth Social tonight:

https://1a-1791.com/video/s8/2/D/L/2/R/DL2Rt.caa.mp4?b=1&u=ummtf

 

 

 

Hurricane Helene reopens Midnight Pass, naturally ends controversy for now (mysuncoast.com)

It was over 40 years ago when Little Sarasota Bay was closed off from the Gulf of Mexico…. Helene caused Midnight Pass to reopen.

 

Decided to do a gematria on MIDNIGHT PASS

The Prophecy

Groundhog Day

Hidden Financial Collapse

One One Eight Eight

Mandela Effects Meaning

Transition

Operation Z (thinking of the temp tat of the Z on John’s right upper arm)

 

Here are the 7’s and Storm synchs:

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And info on our TELOMERES:

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B I G:

 

 

 

There was a lot down earlier today – still is at 9:30pm PST:

 

 

Sky Event stuff:

 

Faraday cage, a large stick and/or your favorite Super Power:

 

 

9.26.24 ~ Days End Finds

 

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It’s a very weird vibe out there.  Our favorite place to bike ride – which has been safe and clean – a homeless encampment it starting to show up.  I just………………….. 😡😭😩   Pushed through heavy stuff today – spent and exhausted – but back high vibing/focused on what I want, intend and deserve.

💖

Victoria

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Ryan Hall Ya’ll covering Helene……….(see below fmi on that)……..peak intensity he says will be at 5am EST tomorrow before subsiding/going inland………Hurricane and Tornadoes………

LIVE – Major Hurricane Helene Coverage With Storm Chasers On The Ground – PART 2

 

66 years ago too…….

 

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And when you’re up at 5am (8am EST) – you get to see these things:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweet Soul –  needs our prayers.

 

 

 

expunging worry

 

5:30am.

It’s 5:30am as i sit down and write out this rare (these days) lamenting piece.  Rare because I have been so focused on the positive – focused on what I want instead of what I fear.

Today?  Worry wins atm.  For ignore those fear thoughts and they will pop up and take over.  Apparently they need someplace to go – so this morning they are going here where I can toss them into the ether and let God or whatever good is out there take. it. all.

Worry.

I’ve been up for over an hour, mind filled with worrisome thoughts that were chipping away my sanity, so I decided to get up and dump them all out here.  I resisted doing this, my mind saying “watch your thoughts watch your energy don’t put out what you don’t want to come back even more”.  However my FUCH IT ALL took precedent so here I sit.

Mind full of worry.

Thirsty.  First I was thirsty so I open the refrig and grab what I assumed was a jar of juice only to find it was a mostly empty jar with a few drops – literally – of grape juice.

Teenagers, I think.

She’s growing – still growing – appetite up – eating all. the. time.

Which she’s supposed to do.

And yet my current level of finances, which are sheot – let’s be honest – they are sheot – and in spite of the MULTIPLE MANY MANY places in which I have put out my resume without anything in response aside from some now obvious spammer who told me in my private inbox on linkedin the company he works for (of which there was no name given) was looking for a digital content writer and received my resume and would I be interested in writing some articleS (PLURAL) for FREE then I would be allowed to go up the next level in the recruitment process to which I checked out his LINKEDin profile and see he shows Z E R O current employers so after that first little initial “OOOOH someone is interested in me!” moment which was quickly shot to hell because hey – scammers, right?  They seem to be everywhere even though I tell myself different.

Ah, the differing thoughts.  The “think different have different”.  Something I have been doing for months – all god damn year actually.  Don’t believe me?  I can show you my journals.  I can show you my digital voice recorder which sets beside my bed, ear bud pads getting worn due to using them 2-3x/day listening to my spoken scripts of intending what I want.

Things will be different.  This movie will end.  Keep at it.

This morning at 4am lying awake – wide awake – in bed?  Thinking that?

FUCH IT ALL.

So here I sit.

Flashlight in hand earlier, going over my grocery list.  Ok bread – I have flour.  I can just make bread so I don’t have to buy this weeks loaf.  Which makes me want to cry for that takes TIME and I’ve been so extra tired lately the thought of making bread like I’m donna f’ing reed makes me want to scream.  More grape juice for the kiddo?  Well I have some grapes – I can squish those up and put them in water.  At least water’s free, I think, but then realize no it isn’t.

Well at least my water bill came down $20 for October.  How and why I was not able to figure out as their calculation methods, which used to be quite simple, are complex and a mile long- but I’ll take it.  Which is a good thing as my electric bill went up $16.

I could put some items on my credit card – last I checked I had $20 on that.

Intend something different, I tell myself.  Moments.  Moments of inner quiet – when I am in the moment – I can still do that.

But then I think about my child – what she needs – what she wants – and how very little of that I am able to do – and how angry that makes me.  When will mom’s matter so we can take care of our children in the way we want and they deserve?  W H E N?  She wants to live in a small town so she can go to a good small public school.  Local one – well most of you know about that.  WOKE nightmare – drug use.  Urban decay.  I get that.  But that requires money – moving – which she gets – and lots of it – of which mama doesn’t have.  Those closest to me with whom we comm offline know my situation.  Ahem…..(those who don’t – message me and I’ll fill you in.)

My girl doesn’t even have a college savings account – well she does – I have just had to dip in it over the past year to f’ing EAT.

Where is the family?

She has wanted horse lessons.  Ballet lessons (did those in the past when it was doable).  Today?  Can’t and nope.  $$$$  Eating is the priority these days.  Although she is taking singing and has a piano and guitar.  She’s also learning other languages.  She’s amazing – and I hope some of that at least is due to my influence and love.

Watching Gilmore Girls where the single mom works while she is able to send her daughter to a top notch private school because her very wealthy parents are paying for it.  In fact she has a tribe around her, always willing to help – even though she refuses the help at times because her character is so frustratingly stubborn at times – while my heart calls out for that kind of a tribe – and would melt in tears in feeeeeeeeeeeling and knowing there is a local group of people who care so much about me and my girl – which is something I’ve tried diligently to build only to be met with extreme and at times shocking disappointment (what the hell kind of a person leaves your life because of who you voted for or because you wouldn’t put a mask on your childs mouth and what the hell kind of a person says “i will help you if you do x y z” first – jesus my people picker has really sucked – which I have seen clearly this past year – which is why atm I pretty  much have a very very small circle atm and people now only get in after an extensive interview process of which both my daughter and I give).  Anyway……….so……….We have a grandparent in the family who comes from money – a lot of money in that family – who do nada for my child.  So out the door they go……….

Babysitting – something she was doing last year – but it all fell flat as not one parent around here goes out on dates.  Who can afford to eat out these days, especially if you have little mouths to feed.

Well, the people next door apparently – house full of people – where I see one of them suddenly has acquired a $3500 electric bike – so apparently they can afford nice extra’s including food delivery which I swear to you, they have occur several times every. single. day.  Then there are the people up the street who have two new vehicles – electric too.  And the Tesla’s.  Have I mentioned the ungodly number of people around here who have Tesla’s?  As in the expensive models (my girl is the expert on car prices these days).  How nice for all of them, says my angry typing fingers sarcastically.

And yet in spite of all of the unreal amounts of wealth all around me – just floating all around me while I have intended it flow my way too – here I sit at what is now 6:39AM – wide awake – when I really need to be sleeping because I have a full day ahead of mom duties and all I hear in my mind are the voices of absent family members telling me what I should be doing and how I am failing my child while failing to listen to a damn thing about my needs (see mom’s needs aren’t important – only the child’s – ironic when that was not what I experienced growing up which was you have food to eat and a bed in which to sleep – that’s enough) – and some of those nagging voices are also my own heart – although my heart also knows I literally am doing the very best I can – pushing myself to depletion levels – and have been knocking myself all but out all year trying and attempting and being told “I will help” only that help is not forthcoming and oh do I have a bucket full of FUCH U’s of my own personally assigned karma for people who have pulled that sheot on me – especially knowing I am a MOM first and foremost trying to improve ME and my life experience so I CAN be the best I can be for her – but when you are doing that essentially alone and those who could help don’t but instead like to toss out unwanted advice instead while utterly completely in full violating the boundaries you put out for yourself………….and where is the cake when you need it because this is all becoming far too much at this moment in time……….

I just want to run away.

But I wouldn’t get very far – car has 1/4 tank of gas – and I am supposed to be doing my driving practice which I do most nights when I can fit that into my schedule – but fuch it – that’s another expense, right?  Not really a need – although for me it is because the practice – the routine of it – helps rewire my brain and well that’s a subject for another time.  Trauma and all – shows up in interesting ways.

So I guess I am left doing what this little dog is doing below – doing the best I can – my daughter being my best cheerleader (and a few of you in which I am so grateful for – and as I say – I see the numbers here and am so disheartened anyone can come to this site knowing what they know about me personally and offer me nothing) – me focused (mostly) forward – determined to cross that f’ing finish line.  For I WILL cross it.

And collapse.  For awhile.  For now?  It’s back to bed I go for a time.

V.

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