we widdle slow as sheot changes occurring here and there so some poor widdle sleeper doesn’t have a mental breakdown. meanwhile most anons/truthers are like this above…
Well to be honest, no answers today.
I woke up feeling low – agitated – tears right there.
Again.
So, I self-soothed, did the self-talk and decided to stop. After another night of disrupted sleep, my brain just did not want to cooperate and neither did my Heart.
Which bleeds with worry and sadness – mostly worry. I have a child as most know and I am not seeing anything remotely encouraging indicating positive change is actually happening out there. It feels like it’s still behind this wall – a wall I have yet to be able to penetrate at the least, tear down at the most.
Listening to a song – a beautiful, poignant tune – on a public radio channel about hate cannot be the way of the american dream – and how change begins right here – within.
And yet does it really?
How many generations have protested against the system?
How many well-intentioned people entered government – the systems – to change the machine? (and as I have shared here, I knew one and she got run out by the rats – she fought back and lost)
How many of us have held visions and desires for New – putting that energy out into the Universe?
And yet – here it all still remains. Ugly pay to live. Competition for resources. Controls and laws that punish the good and protect evil. The most vulnerable targeted, abused and worse.
How is this possible if the phrase “WE CREATE OUR OWN REALITY” actually works here?
Fires still burning in the Carolina’s. Think the people are creating that?
That horrible quake last night – think the people created that?
The children who have been trafficked and experienced horrific unimaginable things – anyone want to be stupid enough to step forward and say those children created that experience? I have no problem these days smacking the new cage b.s. out of anyone’s mindset.
We outnumber them so I would think – using my logic – that if that program really works – the machine would have collapsed by now – long ago actually. We would have fairness and generosity and purity and honesty.
I now admit – out of necessity – I’ve become laser focused and concerned about one thing: money. Earning and generating as much of it as I can. Out of necessity. And I see I have become quite high in my demands in this area. Survival mode. And while it tends to not align much with my heart, I cannot afford to put the same amount of energy on “holding space for the new” and “bringing in the new”. It. has. exhausted. me. Almost 30 years I’ve been doing this. “Live your life,” I have been told. And yet living my life requires money to DO those things I want and need to do. Sitting outside coloring or watching the sky only brings temporary relief.
And temporary relief is not. what. I. need.
Looking at my electric bill – no clue how I will pay it. Last month I had to charge it, using up the last chunk of “debt space” I have.
In some painful way, holding that space for the new and all of my truth seeking that felt like a calling has left me terribly disappointed. I feel duped. Royally manipulated. Deeply weary.
And yet that’s how the frequency of evil operates – it manipulates and has mastered the art of lying so much it can convince just about anybody that what you are not only seeing but feeling within is true.
So, is change a-coming? A new experience, a new reality? Purity. Freedom. Love. Sparkles of Light everywhere? It has to. My body does not hold a different frequency of this. She feels it – she knows it. It is my Truth.
But my brain seeks survival and as such, the focus has to be on having better for my child here now no matter how much I have to work with the very system my Heart despises to get there.
💖
Victoria
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Hi Victoria, once again your words resonate with me 100%…I feel like a hamster on a wheel sometimes, going-going-going-getting-nowhere. And I wake up daily grateful that I’m here, and I hang onto hope, but wonder all those same things you wrote about, and I keep smiling even though I’m crying on the inside. Wish we lived closer so we could at least just hang out and release all this stuff! I’m in St. Pete, FL. Let me know if you’re ever in my area! My circle of friends has become so small…lots of acquaintances but no one who truly gets me that I can spend time with doing the things I like.