I want to give up.
I’ve tried and pushed and tried this and tried that and asked and pleaded and nothing I do works. I feel broken and just simply want to go to bed and never get out. Completely broken. I am losing my daughter – mentally and emotionally. I can’t get her to try anything different. She wants a totally different life and I cannot give that to her. I HAVE FAILED HER. I get that. I have apologized up and down and it doesn’t matter anymore. I feel like my investment in my work here – which has been another absolute dismal epic failure in my naive thoughts that enough people would want to read my words and share in this journey with me and that I would receive abundant financial support in return as well – EPIC FAILURE. So how do I start over? Doing what? I’m so mentally incapable exhausted these days – I literally drag myself through the day. I don’t cook or clean the way I once did. It’s like energetically I am dying or being drained. My counselor is a joke – she will tell me to go get more help from the system.
Ya – so helpful.
NOT!! I already drained those roads.
Unless – is there someone out there who is an investor? We rent this place – but if I can find someone – who will buy it for cash – perhaps the owner will funnel some of that my/our way? That was an offer once – when he had been drinking. But then where to go? I have NO CLUE – no guidance – no matter how many times I let that go and surrender. I tune in ask WHERE. SHOW ME. GUIDE ME.
I have never – N E V E R – E V E R – felt so horrible. So alone. So unseen uncared for so invisible so disconnected. It is crushing me so instead of feeling I have to go numb. Why did I stop smoking and drinking? Damn sensitive body.
I must presume that trying to provide all that a child may wish for is the most challenging job on Earth. That said, whatever a child’s challenges might be (usually for the ‘short term’-as children are mostly rooted in the Now), the challenges of being a ‘provider’, to include providing the basics: roof over head and food to eat, shoes on feet–are often far more difficult to overcome than a child’s needs or desires.
Love is the only authentic gift that any adult can give a child, and should never be underestimated. Blessings…R
t/y. going without due to money. yes love is the most important – but it doesn’t put food on the table. please help me out by supporting my work financially and by sharing.