I find my part in the Awakening as an inside and outside doing. The most important part, for me, is the inner Awakening.
Obviously.
What often begins on the outside – seeing the deception. The evil. The lies. All of it – everywhere inside of this place. What begins out there at some point returns home – Within. Because outside has lied TO us and inside voices of lies have deceived me as well.
And man is this happening to me.
YEARS and YEARS of keeping things to myself out of fear of being abandoned or attacked – it’s all coming out. That process really kicked on about two years ago when I got snapped awake by something my daughter said – something I NEEDED not only to hear but to hear her say – and it’s been a tidal wave of inner verbal volcanic Truths coming out, leading me to this point where I no longer care. I don’t fear NEARLY as I once did at being totally transparent with my life experience.
I let my own fear consume me and keep me small and afraid.
Now and then when I found the voice to defend myself, that has come out at times sounding as horrible as the original attacker.
Which then gives them reason to say “I” am the problem.
Psychologists mislabel the phrase as “reactive abuse”. When one has been pushed over and over again for a period of time, at some point you snap. It’s instinctive. And often when that happens, as I said, you sound like the one who has been abusing you. The difference is key: What is referred to as an argument leads to behavior change, ownership, the desire is to connect. The opposite seeks to CONTROL.
Control or connect.
I only choose connection – and I need to feel safe to do that.
Even though I know I learned TO overly control things as much as I could as it was the only thing that felt safe to me given my lack of connections with those I wanted most to connect with.
If that makes sense.
So I am highly selective now – probably for the first time in my life.
After a life long belief that I should allow anyone and everyone into my life, lost in a false pollyanna belief that the Universe would never let anything bad happen to me, that everyone was good and could be trusted (or I should give them many chances and/or stick around if they were kind at times even if the rest of the time they were treating me like crap) I woke up and saw this reality for what it is. It is not a place for blind trust. Discernment is key. Going SLOW is key. Taking my time to get to know others – utterly essential.
And I can’t do ANY of that effectively until I KNOW MYSELF.
The ME before the expectations and the pressures and the harm and the horror.
For most of my adult life I’ve had the fear that I am the problem. I am the reason why some have just seemed to gravitate towards me and work to break me down while not owning A N Y of their behavior.
But I don’t have that fear anymore and nor do I have the belief that I and I alone am the problem.
I do the inner work.
I go within.
I will own my b.s. when I feel I need to.
I talk with others.
I want to KNOW myself.
I want to heal.
I want to understand.
I want to create peace AND I want to understand my fears of it.
I want to hold safe space and to have safe space held for me as I seek to heal and understand all of my gunk and junk that has clogged up my beauty.
I want to connect and build.
That is what I’ve longed for my entire adult life.
I just didn’t have the courage to believe I could have it. The lack of trust in myself.
Well no more.
My days of being involved in ANY situation or relationship that does not focus on the actions of connecting and building are o v e r.
DONE.
As in put a f’ing fork in that part of me that is DONE.
I will not be silent.
I will be ME.
This is our Awakening. It’s messy for awhile. But in the end? It’s f’ing beautiful.
💥🎇💫
Victoria
Today’s scripts and movie scenes (don’t know about you but I feel more and more attached to this – as though something else is more important):
Every day there’s a bizarre plot twist:
The veil is gone. Illusion shattered. The truth of everyone everything is seen.
Ah but remember:
Dang, I forgot I put this together last night:
YEAR OF THE HORSE 2026
This happens every 12 years.
The last time was in 2014.
Dan Scavino, under his personal account at the time, was posting pictures of HORSES.
According to GROK: “Yes, Dan Scavino (primarily via his account
@DanScavino) has posted multiple images of horses over the years, mostly from around 2013–2015. These include: Photos of rescued horses from Lucky Orphans Horse Rescue (e.g., groups of riders on horses, individual horses grazing or in stables, and therapy-related images). Collages and photos related to famous racehorses like American Pharoah (Triple Crown winner) and California Chrome, often featuring the horses in races or victory poses.”
I also decided to do a GEMATRIA: YEAR OF THE HORSE Which is a 888
(Hebrew GEMATRIA) 888
Divine Plan
Presidents Day (which is Feb. 16, 2026 – ONE DAY before the official onset of THE YEAR OF THE HORSE)
Goodbye Deepstate
Enough Is Enough (from Q posts of which there are 7)
Trump and Qanon
Trump Putin
