YEAR OF THE HORSE BEGINS NOW
It feels – ugh today.
Another pushback by “them” before some relief.
I don’t expect anyone to understand this other than those sensitive and awake.
I feel it more. and. more.
Let me tell you, when this shift happens, I will be one who will EASILY shift outta this place. Or certainly accept the end to the horrors here that keep us competing with one another and keep us in chronic survival mode, which fucks up our energy bodies in so many ways. OH MY GOD, and the nutso state I feel in my mind when I still see these gurus claim real freedom is peace of mind.
Uh, yes and no. Peace of Mind is the goal. But still being HERE – HERE HERE H E R E in this place that requires you to PAY IT SOMETHING just to be on that platform to speak your words and heat your place and cool your place and eat and have a home to live in.
If the masses had not watched the Bowl Game and instead had decided to DO SOMETHING productive like unite together LIKE THAT outside of the stadium to demand the end of these rigged sports and events that use these sporto games to traffic our CHILDREN. I don’t even know if what has happened to our children here is going to be enough. Not until it is shoved in their faces so many times or it effects them personally that they have no choice but to see and most importantly FEEEEEEL what they numb themselves out with their alcohols and their drugs and their cigs and their sport games and their cookies. I get that because I do the same with my cookies. And lately with movies. But I do that because I KNOW.
And that KNOWING is making it harder and harder to be here in that space. It’s a heavy f’ing load to carry and there is no escaping it. You can’t unsee or unknow things. I don’t have to go out into the world. I don’t have to read any headlines. I wake UP and I FEEL IT. I then shift it away with my tools but that MISALIGNMENT – that knowing I am not where I want to be much less belong – it always. present. It’s like I am driving a car that needs tires rotating but there is no method in which to do that. ‘Tis why I am staying up later and later because I cannot tolerate the experience of going to sleep and waking up in a fit of panic and anger, seeing the sun has risen, another day is upon us, and we are still inside of a place that for most of us we simply do. not. belong. in.
Just tired of doing my best. Ya know?
I did hear from a systems person, asking what I needed at this point. So I laid it all out. Thanked them for asking me the one question I always like to hear. Affordable, safe, reliable housing that no one will take from me. Income through work I can do now. To be seen from where I am now. For agency employees to keep their word. Return my calls. Do what they say they will do. I told her I realize she’s probably a good human who wants to help people but for whom has her hands tied up in system rules and regulations. I told her it is my wish that she take her experience with me and use it to see how things can change. How clients become PEOPLE instead of just a voice with a name. People with needs. I told her how the NS operates. Told her about chronic stress and trauma and what that does to the body. How difficult it can be to make calls for help to begin with, and what it does when that trust is violated by unreliable communications on the other end. While we are still here, we can and NEED to do better. P E R I O D.
I heard from a marketing person – no clue how they got my contact – likely spam – but still someone talking about book promotion – something I am in need of – but don’t have the financial luxury to pay for it. So I need cheap promotion from a generous Soul who gets it. Where are they? No clue. But I know I am tired of looking at my fellow human as a potential threat as we continue to loop around in this prison where we have to compete with one another just to survive. Hunger Games with the pretend (fake politeness) program in operation, 24/7.
I see it and call it out for what it is. No more room in me for playing the pretend game.
💖
Victoria
VENMO: @VT6610
CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144
ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com
Yup. System is fighting back. Keeping my space out of necessity these days. System doesn’t want to let go of it’s prisoners – especially the Original captures.
that’s why I have some anger issues – haven’t been protected the way I deserved/need:
It’s not all acting here – that’s on stage. There is still the machine that is doing the fighting back:
LET US MAKE IT SO TODAY!
Another proof:
How the hell are we supposed to have accountability with this b.s. continuing? Explain it to me like I’m 5 please.
