I wrote this one last night. It’s already being censored. That just means I need to share it more. 😁
https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/the-systems-created-to-help-need-an
(I am making this one available for all as I believe the changes I speak of are critical and, as such, want as many people as I can reading this piece. It is also my hope that people will share my ideas and be part of the change that is so needed at agencies designed to help.)
I have mentioned here recently the struggles I have encountered trying to get help out there in the world of systems. Community agencies. Non-profits. Hotlines. Government agencies. It took a lot of courage for me to begin making these calls over a year ago. As one who is living with C-PTSD, largely due to abuse and a handful of traumatizing experiences, finding my voice and sharing personal details with anyone, especially people I don’t know, left me feeling vulnerable and, as such, was very challenging. And risky. I’ve seen the result when I speak up. Sometimes I am heard, but far too often I am dismissed, criticized, unseen. And when someone is already carrying trauma, the nervous system is not functioning from a place of safety, but rather a place of survival. The last thing someone like me needed was to receive further harm. Sadly, from what I have learned, this happens too often.
After months of being bounced around, being given the same advice repeatedly, phone calls and communications unanswered, being told “I will help you” and never hearing from the individual again, I am left where I am today: Angry. Frustrated. Wondering, in amazement, how agencies can even cease to function when they are lacking in effective communication and truly useful, supportive, and consistent help. I understand agencies are overburdened. I am completely aware of the state of affairs out in the world. But this cannot continue to be an excuse.
We need to do things differently.
Given my experience, these places are often lacking in awareness when it comes to trauma and the nervous system. And given that they deal with people in crisis, there needs to be a system-wide overhaul. They need to be educated on trauma and the nervous system, and how this trauma affects human behavior.
I have dealt with receptionists who have been cranky and impatient. Employees who disappear in the middle of a process. Employees assigned to me resign and no one informed me. I’ve had countless emails, texts, and phone calls go unresponded to. I even had an employee who knows of one of my biggest struggles, which happens to occur in the car, and as such, until this issue is healed, there are certain places in which I don’t travel to (including her office). Knowing this, she challenged me to “prove” myself to her how serious I was when I said I was willing to do what it takes to change my life by getting in the car and coming to see her in person. There was no compassion in her voice. I was appalled. I felt attacked by someone who is supposed to be helping me, but who clearly doesn’t understand my challenge, and at the most, lacks compassion. This would have been very risky too for myself and other drivers. It is no different than telling a rape victim to spend 15 minutes alone in a room with her rapist in terms of what this would have done to her body. I regret sharing my challenge with her. This just further eroded my failing trust in these places.
I’m exhausted from being told “we can’t help you” and from being bounced around from person to person. I’m also weary from being told “we are here for you” when my experience proved to be the exact opposite. Just tired of not being seen, heard, or helped in the way I continue to say I need. And it isn’t like I’m asking for the world. I’m asking for help finding work I can actually do. Help finding someone who will take my insurance and do some exposure-type work with me in the car. Help to promote the work I already do. Help finding funding for educational training. One year I’ve been at this, and I am in the same position I was when I started (in terms of receiving help).
If this doesn’t scream agency inefficiency, I don’t know what does.
Neurobiology tells us humans experiencing trauma heal in environments that are reliable, consistent, and supportive. Needs are met. Challenges seen. The individual is seen from where they are. These very basic protocols create safety, and that is where true healing happens. I have not had that in my search to find help and support from the very agencies designed to do just that.
But I have answers. Solutions. Here are a few:
1) Hire someone to answer the phones who is patient and knows how to talk with someone in crisis or who is frustrated.
2) Training in neurobiology, trauma, and the nervous system. There are plenty of books on the subject, and there are plenty of experts in the field who, I am sure, would be more than happy to visit agencies and provide some workshops.
3) If an agency is overburdened, then stop taking in new people. Wait until all who have signed up receive the help they need before taking in new clients. I got really tired of hearing, “Sorry, I’ve been so busy”. That’s not an excuse. I’m not trying to get my taxes done or order a part for my dishwasher. I’m in need of support.
4) COMMUNICATION. If a worker says they will help you, call you back, or email you – then keep thy word.
5) Do not dismiss the concerns a client is showing with what I call “system speak”. Talk with them like they’re a human instead of speaking in language that is lacking in emotion and reads like a form letter, attorney-approved.
6) If an employee/agency makes a mistake, own it. It’s insulting and damaging to one’s sense of trust and safety when you have shown proof of errors and are not heard. The goal should be to help people, rather than to protect the system’s failures and mistakes.
For me, it’s common sense. Simple. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Remember, the person calling in for help is often in crisis. If not, they wouldn’t be seeking help to begin with. If you are able to help, then show up with consistency and compassion. Ensure safe spaces. Listen.
People first over bureaucracy. Always.
💖
Victoria
