This is why I hate this f’ing plan – overall. I have moments where I am into it – finding tidbits, etc. – but overall I f’ing despise it.
My girl – my beautiful daughter – her Light is fading. It waxes and wanes and part of this is due to her age but most of it is how the world is. She doesn’t have hope for a better future. She doesn’t think prices will ever come down. She doesn’t think I will ever be able to have the means and money to move us. Add in her sensitivity to being around certain vaxxed people. It’s been too much for her.
TOO F’ING MUCH.
I need help, friends. I need people showing up in my life showing her Love. I can only do so much. She has heard me say it’s ok – it’s going to get better. She’s seen what I do to make things at least a little better. And she has watched me fail time and time again. Everything I’ve said to her is not proving to be true.
And this alone is breaking me. More than anything seeing her shut down (PAIN of course) is too much. I have no answers. Absolutely none. Times past I reached out to get her connected with new friends and I am telling you each time these new friends either there was no connection or the girls were bully shitheads. Will she get through this? I don’t know. I grew up without real friends – overall. It wasn’t until high school did I somehow manifest a small group of girls – but even at that I felt on the outside for each girl was best friends with another girl in the group. So, I get that loneliness.
And I remember feeling numb at times because of it.
But I had HOPE.
The cost to eat and house yourself wasn’t putting millions into cramped quarters, rooms and cars and tents down by the river. There wasn’t trans people and white guilt and in-your-face evil. It was all behind the scenes – hidden. Which is HEALTHY for children. But today? This awakening has allowed it all to come on stage for the world to see – including our children whose minds are NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THIS.
And for some insanely evil twisted reason this whole “falling apart/collapse” is allowing people to suffer and die at the expense of waking up some f’ing retarded dimwit fuchhead many with the advanced degrees and fancy jobs so they aren’t what I would define as suffering $$ and I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM. In my mind and heart THEY DO NOT MATTER.
MY DAUGHTER MATTERS.
HER LIFE MATTERS.
HER HEART MATTERS.
And when in the fuck did it become OK to judge someone like me – a mama worried for her child and be told to be patient and trust the plan to be called selfish because I happen to care about my girl more than anyone and anything?
THIS IS NOT OK.
Those words are NOT OK to say to me. E V E R.
Share your home.
Share your trust fund.
Share my work.
Do SOMETHING truly HELPFUL so I can prove to my girl there are good people who will come through. Because overall, I don’t see A N Y uniting going on. Nothing meaningful.
And I’m tired.
I’m tired of trying.
Tired of reaching out.
Tired of pushing myself.
I
Just
Want
A
Miracle
For
My
Child.
And for me – all who say my work has value and is needed – and who don’t show me how valuable it is by contributing financially – that needs to change. My daughter deserves it and so do I.
Thank you.
So sorry Victoria. Right now, I can send you and your daughter Love and Light. A little cliche at this point I know. God Bless you two!
thank you dan – that’s ok – i know your situation and i hope you know how much i have deeply appreciated you and your love and support over the years. your kindness means a lot – after getting far too much judgment from heartless “people”.