I want to give up.
I’ve tried and pushed and tried this and tried that and asked and pleaded and nothing I do works. I feel broken and just simply want to go to bed and never get out. Completely broken. I am losing my daughter – mentally and emotionally. I can’t get her to try anything different. She wants a totally different life and I cannot give that to her. I HAVE FAILED HER. I get that. I have apologized up and down and it doesn’t matter anymore. I feel like my investment in my work here – which has been another absolute dismal epic failure in my naive thoughts that enough people would want to read my words and share in this journey with me and that I would receive abundant financial support in return as well – EPIC FAILURE. So how do I start over? Doing what? I’m so mentally incapable exhausted these days – I literally drag myself through the day. I don’t cook or clean the way I once did. It’s like energetically I am dying or being drained. My counselor is a joke – she will tell me to go get more help from the system.
Ya – so helpful.
NOT!! I already drained those roads.
Unless – is there someone out there who is an investor? We rent this place – but if I can find someone – who will buy it for cash – perhaps the owner will funnel some of that my/our way? That was an offer once – when he had been drinking. But then where to go? I have NO CLUE – no guidance – no matter how many times I let that go and surrender. I tune in ask WHERE. SHOW ME. GUIDE ME.
I have never – N E V E R – E V E R – felt so horrible. So alone. So unseen uncared for so invisible so disconnected. It is crushing me so instead of feeling I have to go numb. Why did I stop smoking and drinking? Damn sensitive body.
I must presume that trying to provide all that a child may wish for is the most challenging job on Earth. That said, whatever a child’s challenges might be (usually for the ‘short term’-as children are mostly rooted in the Now), the challenges of being a ‘provider’, to include providing the basics: roof over head and food to eat, shoes on feet–are often far more difficult to overcome than a child’s needs or desires.
Love is the only authentic gift that any adult can give a child, and should never be underestimated. Blessings…R
t/y. going without due to money. yes love is the most important – but it doesn’t put food on the table. please help me out by supporting my work financially and by sharing.
Yes I hear you. I suspect that many of your followers are hearing you, V. We are all being tapped to the max, and the costs are increasing. Why isn’t the internet Free? Why shouldn’t communication and the access to information be free? Food prices are absurd. Bartering for services needed is still problematic due to the very fact that we’ve been programmed to act as “consumers” using the earned tokens we require in order to buy what we need. Usury rules. The good news is that We are witnessing the collapse of a very old power-paradigm, and God-willing the Third World War that the psychopaths are drumming up-will putter out just like the failure of the Central Bankster scam. I appreciate your efforts, and will give when I am able. I’ve been using SNAP/EBT (foodstamp) benefits since 2009. The life of the Free human is a challenge for us all. Blessings are coming…