I’ve shared here I have a driving issue.
Specifically – I get panic attacks when I feel stuck while in the car. If there’s bright lights or noise – even sunlight – it creates more heightened sensitivities in my body.
Today we headed out for a hike. I realized the area was far too crowded. I should have known better – rush hour. So I turn off into a church parking lot and proceeded to go out the exit – the safe exit – safe for my body as I don’t have to deal with any situation that would make me feel stuck/trapped. I was already on elevated alert because of the traffic. I quickly realize the exit is blocked off with 2 cars. There was a group of moms and kids off to the left in the park that borders the church parking lot. So I get out of my car and ask if someone can please move the car. I explained my driving challenge and said it would only take a few seconds then they could move their car back in position.
Nope.
I got told to go out the other way.
So I explained again – that way would trigger my panic – and asked – as a mom (pointing to my girl in the car) – to please just help me.
To my shock – I got told “no” again.
I couldn’t believe it.
So I had to wait for the right opportunity to exit out the other side – and was in a state of panic the whole time – regardless of what I told myself. My body was not believing a word I was saying.
I made it home – and sat in the car – shaking. Crying.
I want to heal from this. I AM DESPERATE TO HEAL FROM THIS ONE ISSUE.
And I NEED someone who will do the field work WITH me – in person. Help me take those steps to improve and expand and feel SAFE again – at least safe enough so that I don’t have panic attacks that shut me down.
I found someone last year but she charges $100/hour and doesn’t take insurance. I had worked with her in the past – sliding scale fee – but she doesn’t do that anymore.
I called my insurance and asked for help finding me someone who will do this kind of work. They weren’t of much help. I reached out to the woman I am seeing – and asked her again for her to help me find someone like her locally. I said I was desperate.
And at this point? Not willing to take no for an answer anymore.
I can’t believe my fellow mom’s wouldn’t move their two cars – for just a few seconds – for another mom who was clearly in distress.
But it’s making me more determined than E V E R to find SOMEONE who will help me overcome this decades long issue. I just need help finding them. I had someone – someone who was supposed to be a friend – offer to do that last year – but she ghosted me out of the blue and I never heard from her again – even with my attempts to reach her. Talk about a huuuuuuuge let down – considering how much I want to get over this. Heal from it.
ANYONE reading this who can help me – whether by knowing of someone in Oregon – or who has the money to pay this other person – please. And no advice needed – trust me – I’ve done so many things to overcome this – I know I need a safe person with me holding my hand – literally at times – to help me heal from this and feel safe and free again.
Thank you.
Love,
Victoria
