I know it’s all being exposed and chaotically collapsing – but it’s the only lifeline I am seeing atm.
Today – after inquiring about another non-profit organization to help me, I am informed unless I am already homeless, and/or a vet, and/or seriously disabled AND have no minor children – they can’t help. Makes me wonder why there are so many homeless vets who can actually get help with rent (up to $615 each month here in my state) and utilities (up to $180 here in my state) and assistance applying for disability – do they not know? Do they not care?
But moms? With children? Eh, screw ’em!
I am going to have to get loud yet again after the woman assigned to me – who said “i will not let you fall” – has not responded to me. And it’s been a week since we last spoke. I have emailed her twice – and texted her – said I wanted to talk with her about, you know, getting going on these programs that can help me move forward – you know – fill out paperwork – tell me what the programs actually are. Said I wanted to hear from her by the end of the day on Friday.
It’s Monday evening and NADA.
If she was busy – ok – then just tell me, for as I have specifically stated – if you are too busy let’s schedule a time. But TELL ME so I am not doing this waiting in silence thing.
How hard is it to comprehend such a request?!?!
Time to check in with the supervisor – again – and say “Hello. Remember me? The loud one? I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack.” 😄
It’s frustrating as HELL – especially when others tell me to go out there in that system. I’m like this now:
I AM ALREADY DOING THAT
And I keep hearing what the owner of this place said to me – in my mind – how if I had made different choices I would have been able to afford the cost of rent. Deep wound being triggered. Bully behavior. Ooooh I absolutely deeply f’ing despise people like that. I have had enough “blame the victim” mentality from others in my life. He doesn’t know me. Someone today told me he will have to contend with that at some point. I wonder where – and when – once he’s safely out of here and doesn’t have to worry at all about being homeless or someone else having power over him with the right to take away his housing security. It’s all SO. WRONG. UGH where is this new world that holds none of that ugly?
So once again – deep breath – well no, wait – first of all I want to deeply thank all of you who have contributed and donated. I appreciate all of that love and support!! I bless it back to you – and intend more of the same incoming.
Anyway – please share my work I do here and my coffee page. Until I get this schooling thing figured out (!!!!GRRRRRR!!!!!) – this is all I have coming in. Being under this pressure from someone who again has more money than God and thus more power in this matrix world is getting to me too much for my personal sense of comfort and safety. I am being diligent as much as I can to be at peace and find the calm – but underneath it all is that brewing simmering festering volcano of overwhelm – as someone who has given my heart and Soul to sharing the truth and researching and being the best mom I can be for my girl – healing and focused on changing my experience (and myself!) for the better – to be facing this on top of everything else I was focused on doing/changing….
Jesus – we mom’s cannot do this alone.
We need tribes.
We need support.
THAT is how we thrive.
That is how we DO and HEAL.
With LOVE.
From within our own Power and from Others.
From basic tasks (today for example I got told to search for something and I asked to please find that information out for me and pass it along – plate is too full for me now) to checking in to see how you are (I really REALLY need that now), to sharing my situation with everyone you know……….get my story OUT THERE, peeps! 💥💖 If you’re good at fundraising, I ask you to do that for me. Please.
I WILL MAKE IT AND THRIVE.
Thank you. So much.
💖🙏
Victoria
CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144
Zelle: themamatrinity@gmail.com
