I am really struggling. REALLY struggling.
My body is jerking out of the blue.
Long term stress, abuse and PTSD.
My support on my coffee page is down. Local agencies back to not returning my calls. My “job plan” programs I am on (2) – are not doing a damn thing to help me find work I can frigging do.
The anger I feel now. I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind now. All of my woo woo shit is not working like it was starting to a couple of months ago. It’s like I’ve hit a f’ing wall that is telling me “NO” at every. damn. turn.
So……I tried doing another type of work – mental tasks – remote work where you help teach the AI.
I failed. Miserably. My brain does not grasp certain tasks and directions now. am trying to f’ing heal. I am doing my best. I am starting to feel this dystopian fear that nothing is ever going to change out in the world and that I have fallen for a lie and I am going to end up homeless, unable to work at all. Collapsed from long-term stress and exhaustion that I can’t even label as exhaustion. There are no words to describe it. Close to tears all the time now. Experiencing “autistic-like” mental moments.
I. am. simply – numb. I deeply feel like I came out of a war zone and I need some frigging TLC and understanding and HELP THAT IS EFFECTIVE instead of useless advice, ghosting and blank looks of “sorry wish i could help”.
Does anyone know what this does to a person? Or a mother? Where is this “women and children first”? Where is this “it’s about the children”? Doesn’t that need to include their primary caregivers too?
Does anyone really care or are we all so desperately done, broken and exhausted we can’t help one another anymore?
This is all I have for today. I don’t give a giant u know what is going on out on the world stage. It’s a joke and it’s insulting. Now they are telling people how to dress in order to fly. If the point of this is to get more people to take a f’ing stand like some of us have been doing for DECADES – then it seems to be working.
But what has been the cost? Millions like me slipping/slipped through the cracks – too worn out – considered “useless” by this ongoing world mentality that only the young have something to offer – having to compete for resources and help, kids half my age with far more energy and skills.
I feel on the brink of collapse today. At least I have my girl and some chocolate pudding. 🙄😄
I am able to find some humor – but I am not going to pretend I am ok when I am not. This ptsd and mental/cognitive stuff is concerning me. I know what I need to heal. And I’m scared now – legitimately scared – I am not going to manifest what I need.
💖
Victoria
ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com
CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144
I tried to buy you coffee, but the buymeacoffee refused to connect! (“buymeacoffee.com refused to connect.”) Crazy! Is there another way to buy you a coffee?
Hi Caroline. Ty. It may have been a network glitch. I tried it on my end and it took some time but went through. You can try going directly through my coffee page: buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations
Hi Victoria…I feel the exact same way like so many other times I have read your posts over the years and feel you take the words right out of me and put them on a page. It truly is beyond exhaustion and beyond words. I get a little thread of hope here and there and then poof it’s gone – back to insomnia and worry and not sure what to do next or what the solution is. I believed in The Great Awakening – it was all there! Growing and expanding like nothing could stop it, yet here we are. Does the light really win? If so, when? Where? On the other side somewhere in another realm where we never get to see justice on this earth during our lifetime?
I know you get it. I have a feeeel that does not leave me. I will write it up later. I am just a text away if u need to talk. 💜🙏