My heart remains so stinking heavy today. I didn’t want to get out of bed. Finding it all just pointless and I feel lost in this experience now. I don’t know what to do. My brain hurts from fatigue. Mind is in shutdown due to all of this “thinking” I’ve been engaged in. Agoraphobia issue is through the roof – don’t feel safe anywhere tbh. Body is a wreck because of trauma that I am not getting the help I need for it – my counselor misses over 30% of our sessions and has absolutely failed me in keeping the focus going when I have specifically – SPECIFICALLY told her I get scattered and NEED her to keep me focused and if she can do that then please do. She has said absolutely I will do that and then fails to do that. I began looking for someone else several months ago. Phoned my insurance for help (they couldn’t find anyone). Looked online. Either people aren’t taking new clients or they don’t take my insurance or I don’t hear back. It’s UNREAL I have been unable to find the help I KNOW I NEED with the amount of looking and diligence and effort and I have yet to create this. It’s like I literally have become invisible in this place. Literally invisible. It’s f’ing driving me insane at this point. And same for my girl – trying to find someone for her to talk to is producing the same. results. Mental burnout.
And sharing my situation online to deaf ears or people who do get it and can’t help (although as I say ANYONE can click the SHARE button) and all of this chaotic bullshit I went through all f’ing year trying to get help from local agencies and damn yeah – looks like living on the streets well no not the streets but living in an old RV may be my future in the next several months unless SOMETHING positive happens and unless SOMETHING THAT I HAVE FUCKING INTENDED (and please people stop telling me to focus on what I want when that is what I have been doing for SO LONG) actually POOF BOOM – breaks through. God hears me. The Universe hears me. SOMEONE actually steps in takes my hand stands by my side and says the words I NEED TO HEAR: “I am here walking with you. I will not abandon you. I ain’t going anywhere until I see you get the help you and your girl need.”
For now I am watching uplifting movies about human angels entering people’s lives when they least expect and when they most want it. Bawling like a baby. Even whimpering. This matrix kicked my ass from day one. I refused to believe it or much less acknowledge it for most of my adult life. Today? I see it and call it out for what it is.
But I keep going even if it’s just a whimper in a corner. Burned out.
💖
V.
*********
So is this THE Shutdown? Let’s see 10 days from today is what, January 5. Does something amazing happen THEN? Do we see and feel Light? We are actually liberated? Does our DECADES LONG FOCUS ON NEW EARTH ACTUALLY MANIFEST? Or just more hopium because we need these alphabet agencies GONE. They did a wee bit of good but were mostly involved in trafficking.
No torture. No murder. Holocaust was a lie. Hitler was not bad. There was however prisoners in prison camps. So why the camps then?
Well that blows up his chance of running for President (seeing some MAGA people online wanting him to run):
The movie scenes are beyond OBVIOUS at this point. Seriously….
That bank announced liquidation back in March of ’23.
I was born in the wrong country – that’s for sure. All of this b.s. backlash from ultra conservative types about if you get something for free it means you’re lazy. Total b.s. speak:
Reasons why Gaddafi was killed: 1. Libya has no electricity bill, electricity came free of charge to all citizens. 2. There were no interest rates on loans, the banks were state-owned, the loan of citizens by law 0%. 3. Gaddafi promised not to buy a house for his parents until everyone in Libya owns a home. 4. All newlywed couples in Libya received 60,000 dinars from the government & because of that they bought their own apartments & started their families. 5. Education & medical treatment in Libya are free. Before Gaddafi there were only 25% readers, 83% during his reign 6. If Libyans wanted to live on a farm, they received free household appliances, seeds and livestock. 7. If they cannot receive treatment in Libya, the state would fund them $2300+ accommodation & travel for treatment abroad. 8. If you buy a car, the government finances 50% of the price. 9. The price of gasoline became $ 0.14 per liter. 10. Libya had no external debt, and reserves were $150 Billion (now frozen worldwide) 11. Since some Libyans can’t find jobs after school, the government will pay the average salary when they can’t find a job. 12. Part of oil sales in Libya are directly linked to the bank accounts of all citizens. 13. The mother who gave birth to the child will receive $5000 14. 40 loaves of bread cost $0.15. 15. 25% of Libyans had all Ilisna diplomas. 16. Gaddafi has implemented the world’s biggest irrigation project known as the “BIG MAN PROJECT” to ensure water availability in the desert. If this is called “DICTATORSHIP” I wonder what democracy is?
Maybe…….
NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK:
SOmeone I want to know:
Stupid PSYOPS? Perhaps. But perhaps she is one of us here who SEE…
And people like me are told to call this agency or do this or do that while failing to push past cognitive dissonance and SEEING THIS TRUTH:
