I had another system phone call today where I outlined my needs. Employment training. Housing. Healing from PTSD. I received a document showing all agencies and services. I have either exhausted each of those or am on the “forever/we don’t know how long” wait lists. I told them please don’t send me information on agencies I’ve already utilized.
But they did.
Because that’s what they do.
Systems people.
I was also given contact information for an agency that provides trauma-related work.
I had already contacted them over a month ago, and they do not accept my insurance, nor do they have openings.
THIS is the kind of b.s. runaround I’ve been going through for the past year and I am burned the fuch out.
So yeah – I don’t quietly these days when I’m told “but have you tried this agency?” or my favorite given by people who are clearly clueless as to what it’s like to be in a crisis situation without the help needed: “There is plenty of help out there. You just have to go looking for it.”
As though I HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE THAT.
Are there any real humans left? Or are we just all in the same or similar situations? In debt. Broke. Needing housing and unable to afford it.
Jesus, and we wonder why there are so many people on the streets who look so lifeless. HUMANITY GAVE UP ON THEM.
This is why I go a wee bit loco these days when I’m told what to do.
When I’m asked, “What about calling this place?”
Damn, I should be getting paid to write about the LACK OF HELP for those in need. Each agency I speak with I tell them the needs of a human heart and Soul. The needs of the nervous system. The NEED to be SEEN as a person. And the need to provide CONSISTENT, RELIABLE support.
Because this is not what I have received.
I went through skin-itching and anxiety before this phone call because my nervous system – my body – already knows how these calls go. And I am screaming NO I CANNOT DO THIS I CANNOT FACE ONE. MORE. CONVERSATION WITH A SOULLESS EMPTY VESSEL WHO CAN ONLY GIVE ME SILENCE instead of LOVE.
I KNOW WHAT IS NEEDED. Because I’ve been on the receiving end of what is toxic and unhelpful.
What is required is help and assistance that actually helps people heal and thrive. And to SEE people where. they. are. at. that. moment. I reiterated that today.
At least I still have my voice. And if it were just me I wouldn’t be nearly as stressed as I am because I HAVE A CHILD.
I cannot tell you how God. damn. alone. I. Feel.
I recently made the decision that my other site is pay-only and have received some responses. “How will I read your work? I really like it.”
PAY UP. $5 is not asking for too much. AT. ALL.
If anyone thinks I should share my writings and work for free?
Think again.
I deserve an equal exchange for what I share. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION.
I’m wondering: all of these millions of people who are homeless, many of whom are even working, so what if they’re placed in tiny homes temporarily and given employment. How in the holy hell will they be able to afford their own living spaces?
How can you become truly self-sufficient when there has been a near 5000% (THOUSAND) increase in just home costs since the 1960’s?
That gap has grown consistently over the decades. And we see the result.
That’s what I am facing, and it’s freaking me out. I can’t continue to just “trust the plan” and hold out for “some day” in some remote future when no one can guarantee my mind heart body or Soul that a new world is coming soon.
If you really want to help, please share my story with everyone you know. If you follow other channels, let them know my situation. Word it: “Patriot Warrior Freedom Lover Truther IN NEED”. Hit me up, and I will provide you with links to my goodies. Be a voice for me. Be an advocate for me. And my girl.
Finds later. I have other priorities ATM.
💖
Victoria
