Well, as of this moment, I have absolutely nothing moving for me. My attempts to get my work promoted (paying someone) are going unanswered. No idea why. I have $13 in my bank account and need to get bread, eggs, butter, cereal, and some items for my girl for the rest of the week. I’m taking that $400 hit that will show up later this week. I have pressure to move. Pressure to PICK a place TO move. And meanwhile, I’m drowning in debt, not bringing in enough income now to pay for basic expenses. And I’ve done everything I am capable of doing to stop that from happening. I feel broken. Alone. And I am DONE doing this journey on my own. If some real doors would open for me and STAY OPEN – I would feel different.

I’m getting blocked on NextDoor – AGAIN – my writings being flagged as fundraisers even though clearly they aren’t. NextDoor has even confirmed that. But all it takes is enough people flagging them for the posts to be hidden until I notice and request a review.

There have been “accounts” on X who have suddenly started coming after me as well – name-calling, verbal abuse – for simply holding an opinion or pointing out fake news stories (there are a lot of those now – the waters are quite murky now – but I have the ability to see what is “real” and what is not).

I AM DONE BEING ATTACKED!

I AM DONE BEING IGNORED!

I AM DONE NOT BEING VALUED FOR WHAT I DO!

It hurts! It hurts so much putting myself out there – following my heart. I see the patterns. I am working with the patterns.

And yet I am also DONE going along with a matrix program that blames the victim instead of holding the bullies and abusers accountable.

You know?

Just DONE! DONE DONE DONE FUCKING DONE! I want to crawl in a hole and disappear. Facing this b.s. is hurting me so much now – and with the pressure I have inside my house to make up my mind and pick a place – with a damaged brain (executive functioning part) – I am doing the best I can. I honestly am. I need understanding and acceptance – not judgment. Not pushing. And certainly NOT being told what to do. Instead just ASK ME WHAT I NEED.

Jesus. I’m just………..

Finds later.