A reflection

 

I just read the following statement:

“The bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die, and nobody really knows.”

I don’t know what is more powerful and requires the most strength:  Having that experience or hearing someone you care for share those words AND just sitting there w/them and hold space to allow them to have such deep, intense emotions.

Today, as I wrote earlier, was difficult ~ on a new level.  I felt a depression all day I could not shake ~ and I am still feeling it.  I thought it was just me having a depressive episode, and yet I felt it was something else – something deeper.  Perhaps part of it due to the KB ceremony today as I mentioned- but even after I wrote that, I couldn’t align w/that one fully.  It was something else.

Browsing around I saw a post on an Event board in which I belong and someone asked the following:

“Did anyone feel a massive wave of sadness and physical depression today?”

oooh oooh me me me, I immediately thought – relief setting in.

I wasn’t alone!  lol

Over 400 likes and over 300 responses thus far tells me this was collective.

Something is guiding me to help purge that one ongoing persistent feeling I have carried w/me this entire experience – going back to even childhood: WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  and WHY AM I EVEN HERE?  I DON’T BELONG HERE!

I read of many longing for Home at that deep level today.  The deepest of the deepest.

Even though this experience feels like it “snuck up” on me – I have a quiet suspicion w/in that this experience merely built up all last week and hit a peak level high today.

So I am going to do what I can to release this sadness.  All else, at least today, has been just a distraction for the real focus that calls me.

Anyone else having the same experience?

Love,

Victoria

a few of the lyrics in this song were going through my mind today and tonight – quite strongly so i thought to share it….

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