Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator.

Hi ho Hi ho it’s off into clownworld I go…..

But, but but it just happens naturally…….

Because…

just an interesting timestamp (11:11)

Q post 1111 from April 9, 2018. BIG month. +Military start.

Once upon a time, a country that stole land and slaughtered millions, liked it and decided to take control of other countries, starting with America, and in time added in Canada, the UK, and Australia, walked into a bar and said, “Hey, let’s get rid of social media so we can silence truth”….

Good question. And yet, not surprising. I’ve been saying for months that there are is ra el moles within ICE. The enemy infiltrated everywhere. Literally.

No surprise here….I think her Laura Ingalls purity image has just gone nuclear…

Never stopped……

😭 20 years ago – former neighbors from Palestine – would hear this and say “yes”. They opened our eyes to the truth.

Is she freaking NUTS?? Bringing a baby to one of these events???

Wonder what’s up with this…

Jan. 19-23…….interesting time frame…as I have sensed 1.20 timeframe…and the Q post (date 11.1) that references when OPS go down POTUS will be insulated abroad…

Another 111 reference:

And another:

Another sign:

Even DOGE account…..

Study linking mRNA injections and cancer ‘censored’ by cyberattack

Kennedy – just another stooge for is ra el:

Been there. Done that. Burned the fuch out.

Feeeeeeeels. And it has not helped one bit when I have had others say, “I am here for you,” but I am expected to do the reaching out. Some days I just can’t, especially when it has been a particularly difficult day, and I have reached out to a few and don’t hear back. My nervous system/body says, “We’re done – cannot take one more event of silence”.

Trauma Aware America
oSerdnspot

·
Desperate for Connection, Paralyzed by Fear: Trauma’s Cruel Dilemma
One of the cruelest effects of complex trauma is how our nervous systems become equally desperate for connection and terrified of it. Any interaction can feel potentially dangerous. We focus on detecting threats and protecting ourselves, but we can’t protect and connect at the same time. So, superficial connections feel safer, not with people who are close by or long known, but with internet acquaintances and occasional emails.
For years I have not been able to bring myself to write to my oldest and dearest friends. It’s a horrible feeling to be unable to respond. It’s excruciating, like having my hand caught in a rat trap. I want so badly to free myself, but I can’t do it alone and I don’t get nearly the support I need. It’s a process that requires care, help, and time.
I’ve been trying to write a thank-you note to my dear friend Cindy. She’s been a beacon of kindness and love for years. But I can’t write to her. My nervous system is terrified of intimacy, vulnerability, closeness, and love, all the things I deserve in relationships and once had before medicine messed me up so badly that I almost died three times.
My nervous system is trapped between two powerful forces. These are the 200,000,000-year-old deep need for connection and the 300,000,000-year-old need for protection. This is the overwhelming fear trauma has instilled around intimacy and vulnerability. The closeness and love that could help me heal are the things that trigger my protective mechanisms, isolating me from the people I care about the most.
Repeated betrayal trauma by caregivers and others in power has trained my nervous system to consider relationships, even with the most loving and safe people, as potential threats.
Trauma hijacks our natural need for closeness, creating a vicious cycle where the very things that could help me feel safer and more whole—love, connection, and intimacy—are the things I feel I must protect myself from.
Superficial connections feel safer because of the distance, control, and less perceived risk of being overwhelmed or hurt. But the struggle to reach out to someone like Cindy, who’s been a beacon of kindness, feels like hitting an invisible wall I can’t break through, no matter how much I wish. That feeling of being unable to respond, despite knowing what I want to say or do, is like being trapped in isolation.
Knowing that this inability to respond is trauma’s doing—not who I am—dissolves the shame, but it doesn’t resolve the issue. Even though I know how much I value the people in my life, expressing that or engaging too often feels impossible. But maybe just acknowledging how hard it is to engage, even with those I love, could be a small step toward releasing that trap, little by little.
I deserve and need to reclaim my birthright to love and connection

Just as important. Got a movie or two for the rest of the evening.

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

Here are other ways to support my work:

1. You can support me at my other page where I share my personal musings, music and photography:  Victoria T is Creating Intuitive Reflections of the world around me.

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3.  I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, check out BlueHost. It’s who I use, and I have always found them very helpful from setup to assistance. Click on the previous link to get yourself set up!

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Greatawakening.win  

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Mind Viruses E V E R Y W H E R E. Reflecting and Some Finds, including COMMS showing pizza and hot dogs being destroyed. GROK tells us we are being censored and why.

I can feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it.

The matrix.

The simulation.

The programs.

Operating at high capacity now.

Today I was thinking about division – it is “their” operating tool.

Combine that with the narcissistic frequency program and it makes it VERY easy here TO divide.

I see the program on the left with the woke narrative and the pronouns and non-binary lunacy.

I see the program on the right with the rugged individualistic capitalistic I GOT MINE, GET YOURS lunacy.

NEITHER side believes the other side has a damn thing worthy of being listened to.

If I could, I would insert a giant collective Pill of CHILL into this reality.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.

Go inward.

Unless you can be The Observer (which is a challenge to do at times – I get that):

Stop watching the chaos.

Stop identifying WITH it.

Stop giving it a label or even a story.

Just S T O P.

OMG my inner Me is screaming JUST EFFING STOP.

Stop the noise.

I feel like the Grinch, only I’m not the Grinch. I have a heart. I’m just f’ing done having it betrayed and pounded, you know?

I went to the store tonight. This is the second time I have noticed people are suddenly louder in their talk. Like REALLY loud. There was a group of 20 somethings talking so loud I could hear them on the other end of the store. As I got to the front of the store to check out, their talk was so loud I had to plug my ears. If that wasn’t UGH enough, there was a man in there, probably 40 or so, shopping with a woman. At first, I thought he was mentally challenged, so I gave him some grace. However, observing him some more, I realized he was either just a clueless asshat or he was drugged up on something. His eyes looked similar to Charles Manson. Freaked. me. out. I was so uncomfortable. His moves were erratic and unpredictable. He ended up standing right next to me as I bagged my groceries (as quickly as I could, seeing he was now in the line I had been in), talking very loudly to the clerk about his non-binary status. Totally lost in the program. I could see it and feel it, and his energy was very uncomfortable to be around, so I finished bagging as fast as I could, then suddenly said, loudly, “I AM A FEMALE” and got out.

Talk about matrix attacks. I still let them get to me. After enough of them, I have to assert my boundary. Loudly. I don’t know how to do it any other way these days. But deep within I also know Truth rises to the top – sometimes loudly at first – but it remains solid and quiet.

I also don’t know how to look at things that are clearly fucked up and total bullshit without including those words (more on that below for a nice validating analysis). Like when Dan Scavino Jr is on stage talking about job seekers being denied employment because they lack whatever bullshit requirements employers demand these days. In what reality, Divinely Created, do we require controlled banking scores to determine worthiness of employment, much less what other reality that is also Divinely Created requires we pay it to survive?

It’s

All

Fucking

Bullshit.

ALL of it.

The PSYOPS.

The division.

Just U G H. ENOUGH.

We’re all tired.

All spent.

Our Souls have been contained FAR too long.

Waiting on this endless train of insanity, waking up Minds along the way.

So, all on the train who are still fully immersed in the division part of the game, who think the problem is the human with the rainbow shirt sitting next to you or the human with the MAGA hat standing beside you, you are looking with eyes, mind, and heart still closed. The enemy hoodwinked us all.

So WAKE THE FUCK UP and SEE the bullshit.

PLEASE.

Some of us KNOW we have LIVING to do and are tired of waiting FOR it.

💖

Victoria

*********

Trending (although I’m wondering if that’s a psyop as well):

WE know what pizza and hot dogs refer to:

The next step to crush the $ystem…

EYES ON – landed in LAX Thursday (yesterday):

She clearly hit him with her vehicle before speeding off. Officer used self-defense.

Fun little game:

Inside this place, yes, I believe it does – especially when they are used intentionally to speak your truth:

I scream NOOOOOOOO inside when I hear words like “midterms”. This is not about politics. Or elections.

The truth is quickly drowning out the media/system’s narrative:

Out on Jan. 30th:

I was heavily conditioned to be a nice girl (as in pleasing and quiet and putting everyone first). It about destroyed me. Thankfully I never fully lost sight of the Lionness within.

https://www.timesofisrael.com/widespread-iran-protests-reach-13th-day-rights-group-says-at-least-51-killed-in-crackdown

CAUGHT ON CAMERA: Laura Ingraham SCORES BIG TIME as Leftist Protester Accidentally Admits She’s “Getting Paid Right Now” After Being Asked If She Has a Job

NEW: FBI Veteran Chosen to Replace Bongino

Clintons are supposed to testify on Jan 13 and 14 of next week. Interesting Q delta’s for those two days:

And my favorite:

What a cool idea:

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

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More Digging on the GREENLAND OBJECT(S) FOUND ON GOOGLE EARTH YEARS AGO

I asked GROK to dig further to find the latitude of the object.

69.075259°N, 42.65522°W

Here is what comes up. Looks like there were 3. 30 MILES LONG. The guy in the Convo below says they are MONOLITHS. Remember those strange ones appearing a few years back in Utah and Cali? Trying to find a tweet I thought Melania shared of one of these objects but unable to locate.

https://www.treasurenet.com/threads/three-monoliths-each-30-miles-long-on-google-earth-now-explained.211131

google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode&q=Kangerlussuaq,+Greenland&sll=62.163578,-94.74472&sspn=0.56623,1.716614&ie=UTF8&ll=69.031245,-42.398987&spn=0.433946,1.716614&t=k&z=10&om=1>

Kangerlussuaq is a small town in western Greenland. It’s at the eastern end of a deep fjord. The town is known for its airport, which is Greenland’s major international transport hub. The airport’s Kangerlussuaq Museum illustrates the town’s past as a U.S. airbase during WWII. A road runs northeast from town to the vast Greenland Ice Sheet. Here, Russell Glacier is a vantage point for ice-calving events.

Interesting things on the street view from 2016. Why a watch tower for such a remote location?

Air Greenland. Denmark and Iceland.

Air Greenland is Greenland’s national airline, providing essential passenger and cargo transport across the vast Arctic island and connecting it internationally to Denmark and Iceland, using a diverse fleet of jets, fixed-wing planes, and helicopters for challenging conditions. It’s a vital infrastructure link, handling everything from daily commutes and emergency medical flights to tourism and scientific support, wholly owned by the Greenlandic government, and known for its commitment to sustainable Arctic operations. 

A few other scenes contain large boulders placed in a similar manner:

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What Was Project ICEWORM. A bit of digging and a GEMATRIA.

Greenland.

I am revisiting this object I first found on GOOGLE EARTH in 2007 or so. GE later blurred it out.

I asked GROK to do some digging on this, in particular, I wanted to know the latitude:

A big chunk of chatter revolves around abandoned U.S. military sites like Camp Century (Project Iceworm, 1959–1967), a nuclear-powered base buried under Greenland ice. As ice melts, it’s “re-emerging,” leaking PCBs, diesel, and radioactive waste—leading to 2025 articles warning of environmental threats.

X posts (e.g., from 2020–2026) discuss buried planes/engines from WWII/2017 found under rapid ice accumulation, debunking slow melt narratives but fueling “hidden tech” talk.

Project Iceworm was a top secret United States Army program of the Cold War, which aimed to build a network of mobile nuclear missile launch sites under the Greenland ice sheet. The goal was to install a vast network of nuclear missile launch sites that could survive a first strike. This was according to the Danish Institute for International Studies which obtained declassified documents in 1996.[1][2] The missiles, which could strike targets within the Soviet Union, were never fielded and necessary consent from the Danish Government to do so was never obtained.

To study the feasibility of working under the ice, a highly publicized “cover” project, known as Camp Century, was launched in 1959.[3] Unstable ice conditions within the ice sheet caused the project to be canceled in 1966.

There is a reason we want GREENLAND. Mostly to shut down all of “their” programs.

For fun I did a Gematria on PROJECT ICEWORM

We are with you. (11 Q posts including this January 555):

V For Victory

Trump And Biden Are Just Actors

Unleash The Kraken

Knights Templar

The Last Trump

Stargate Portal

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More Updates On The Shooting in Portland

When the content is too controversial to be able to embed, you get the screen capture:

https://twitter.com/KatieDaviscourt/status/2009484106854465786

Reporting LIVE from the ICE facility in Portland:

Up next:

Interesting app:

https://www.the-world-now.com/globe

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BREAKING NEWS: Federal agents shoot 2 alleged Tren de Aragua gangbangers who ‘weaponized’ car in Oregon — day after deadly ICE shooting 

Venezuela.

The Governor allegedly has connections to this gang.

https://nypost.com/2026/01/08/us-news/federal-agents-shoot-2-people-in-portland-oregon-day-after-ice-agent-killed-renee-nicole-good-in-minneapolis

Federal agents shoot 2 alleged Tren de Aragua gangbangers who ‘weaponized’ car in Oregon — day after deadly ICE shooting 

US Customs and Border Protection agents shot two alleged Tren de Aragua gangbangers who federal officials said tried to run them down in a targeted traffic stop in Oregon Thursday afternoon.

The federal agent-involved shooting in Portland came just one day after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent gunned down anti-ICE activist Renee Nicole Good in Minnesota.

In the latest shooting, CBP agents fired off defensive rounds when the alleged Venezuelan gang members “weaponized” their car during the stop, the Department of Homeland Security said in a statement.

No statement from Trump as of yet. Here is the government and media spin:

MILITARY TIME:

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1.8.26 ~ END GAME Markers. IRAN is Onstage. Goodbye Fluoride. And Other Finds

There are some exciting happenings and finds today, including what I feel is THE Comm of Comms.

💖

Victoria

******

MOVIE scenes:

And look – she’s wearing GREEN too:

because she is violating the law: namely, she is obstructing a lawful enforcement operation. You’re not allowed to walk up to or drive up to people who are enforcing the law to make it harder for them to do their jobs.

Third, this defense attorney is drawing a meaningless distinction between an ICE officer and a “real police officer.” Again, you’re not allowed to interrupt a lawful enforcement operation, which is exactly what this woman was doing.

Fourth, the officer didn’t discharge his weapon to prevent her from fleeing. When he discharged his weapon, she had pointed the vehicle at him and pressed the gas. He discharged his weapon in self defense, and other angles of the video show the woman clearly hit the officer with her car while accelerating.

The gaslighting is off the charts and I’m having none of it. This guy was doing his job. She tried to stop him from doing his job. When he approached her car, she tried to hit him.

A tragedy? Absolutely. But a tragedy that falls on this woman and all of the radicals who teach people that immigration is the one type of law that rioters are allowed to interfere with.

They are REALLY SHOWING us:

END GAME MARKERS:


This, for me, is the most interesting and powerful find so far today:

Tel Aviv overlays right onto Dallas. One is a “Spring Mound” of eternal renewal, the other has a “Grassy Knoll” with loads of questions.

Tel Aviv: means” Spring Mound”.
Dallas: The Grassy Knoll in Dealey Plaza – that infamous MOUND where history took a turn on 11/22/63.

Both cities pulse at night – Tel Aviv’s the Middle East’s “city that never sleeps.”
Dallas skyline glows big too – Texas energy till dawn.

In a true never-sleep city, the anthem is Nessun dorma – “None shall sleep!” Vincerò! Triumph at sunrise.

And then there’s Q: “We are saving Israel for last.” Very specific reason. Drop 916.

Latitude coincidence? It starts in Dallas (JFK, the knoll, the questions)…and ends with Tel Aviv/Israel “for last.”

Two mounds, one line at 32°N.
I don’t know about you, but mind blown!

COMMS:

IRAN IS UP:

HERE WE GO. THE COMM OF ALL COMMS THUS FAR:

Keep it coming….

Interesting triple 17 alignment. This place is a simulation. I remember Regan used to follow astrological alignments. While I feel it is all fake, it is a tool that does hold power/creating abilities inside this game:

Key Comparisons:
🔑Length — Nearly twice as long as Arizona’s Grand Canyon (446 km / 277 miles).
🔑Depth — Up to 800 meters (2,600 feet) in places—comparable to parts of the Grand Canyon but shallower than its maximum depth of about 1,857 meters (6,093 feet).
🔑Width — Up to 10 km (6 miles) wide.
This makes it the LONGEST KNOWN CANYON ON EARTH.

🛰️Right where this mega-canyon meets the sea in northwest Greenland sits Pituffik Space Base—the U.S. Space Force’s northernmost installation.
📡It hosts a massive phased-array radar for the Ballistic Missile Early Warning System, feeding real-time data to NORAD for detecting ICBMs/SLBMs over the Arctic polar route—critical for North American defense.

🌎Some conspiracy theorists (lol) and proponents of Hollow Earth theory claim Greenland’s name hints at secret knowledge of a lush, tropical interior—perhaps an entrance to underground realms like Agartha (a legendary advanced kingdom) or Hyperborea (a mythical northern paradise from Greek lore).

Thank you for your support! 🙏

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

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Theorizing on the Shooting in MN

Pretty much staying out of the fray on this one, but saw this and wondered my usual “hmmm”?

At 11:05PM EST Trump posts this on Truth Social:

TS match (instead of a Q post match)

My sense was this was a situation where we see the infiltration into ICE – who I have felt all along was going to have DS moles to make them look “bad” – incite the left – installed by Israel/Dems/Deepstate. This person should not have been shot today. I saw her blocking traffic, get told to leave, drove off and shot fired. (who knows?!). We have been told MILITARY IS THE ONLY WAY. Waltz, clearly [controlled], is calling for the NG in MN.

We’ll see. Just thought this was (perhaps) worth looking at. For now, there are protests happening in cities all throughout America at this time.

Can we actually get to the ENOUGH IS ENOUGH part? This ain’t doing ANY of us ANY good.

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1.7.26 ~ Breaking News. Headlines. Greenland. Iran. MN. New FOOD Pyramid. Ending CORPORATE-OWNED Homes. GAME OVER. Flipping “their” script.

Time. Time is moving so fast now. I was thinking of everything I still wanted to do today. Dinner. Order a book for my girl. Walk. Vacuum. Laundry. I managed to get it all in – including making a blueberry pie from scratch in 8 minutes. No joke. I surprised myself.

Lots going on. Let’s get to it.

💖

Victoria

*********

What are the odds? Moving about GREENLAND coming up this Friday the 9th:

Anniversary of when he left this place – 1.7 (17):

https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/us-seizing-venezuela-linked-oil-tanker-after-weeks-long-pursuit-2026-01-07

  • Vessel had been renamed and registered under Russian flag
  • Seizure took place in the Atlantic, near Iceland
  • Pursuit of vessel was part of US pressure campaign on Venezuela
  • Seizure took place days after capture of President Nicolas Maduro
  • Coast Guard also seized another Venezuela-linked tanker

UPDATED:

Venezuela Updates: U.S. Forces Seize Two Tankers; Rubio Lays Out Plan for American Control

https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01/07/world/venezuela-us-trump

The New INVERTED Pyramid. Flipping the script – literally. A lot of meat, butter, eggs, fruits and veggies. The body NEEDS protein to build strong bones, muscles, tissue, etc. When I made just one switch from toast and cereal for breakfast to eggs, butter and bacon? I lost the 20 lbs I had not been able to lose. That was the only change. And I felt better – no carb crash.

https://understandingwar.org/research/middle-east/iran-update-january-7-2026

US is getting ripped off. Current market price in USD in China:

There are MANY homes around here corporate-owned:

January 11, 2026 = 1/11/10 or 1/11/1 or 11.11

The Red Folder:

Some interesting theorizing. It will happen when it happens…

MN

Current feeeeeeeeeels:

(she does such amazing work – no fancy titles – just a woman who has been there):

Ashley Nicole 

🖤 THE “QUIET” SYMPTOMS OF C-PTSD (THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO MISLABEL)

(You’re not lazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re not broken. You’re thawing.)

Let’s talk about the parts of C-PTSD no one warns you about.

Not the flashbacks people expect.

Not the panic attacks they recognize.

I’m talking about the quiet symptoms—the ones that get mistaken for personality flaws, laziness, moodiness, or “you just need to try harder.”

Spoiler: you’re not failing.

Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive.

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHAT “QUIET” C-PTSD ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE (DAILY LIFE EDITION)

C-PTSD doesn’t always scream.

Sometimes it whispers.

It looks like:

• bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix

• delayed emotional reactions (you feel it days later… or not at all)

• zoning out without realizing you left the room mentally

• constant self-doubt even when you know you’re capable

• executive dysfunction (you want to do the thing… the body says “no”)

• not being able to sit still OR not being able to move

• chores piling up because your brain is already at capacity

• avoiding texts, calls, or conversations—not because you don’t care, but because you don’t have the bandwidth

• smiling on autopilot while feeling completely disconnected inside

• masking to survive (and no, not the same kind narcissists do)

• contradiction: high insight + low energy, deep empathy + strong avoidance

None of this means you’re broken.

It means your system learned to conserve energy in an unsafe world.

*:•.•:*

🧬 THE NEUROSCIENCE PART (WHY THIS ISN’T A CHARACTER ISSUE)

This is where the dots connect.

When people call trauma survivors “lazy,” what they’re actually witnessing is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.

This is part of Polyvagal Theory and it’s not optional.

When fight or flight failed repeatedly, the nervous system pulls the emergency brake.

The body enters a hibernation-like state to preserve life.

You cannot willpower your way out of it.

You cannot “push through” a shutdown state.

Your body isn’t refusing to move.

It’s protecting you.

That exhaustion sleep doesn’t fix?

That’s HPA-axis dysregulation—the system that manages cortisol and adrenaline.

When your body has been marinating in stress hormones for too long, the receptors burn out.

This is physiological depletion, not a motivation problem.

Executive dysfunction and zoning out?

That’s the Anterior Cingulate Cortex being impacted—an area responsible for attention, task-switching, and emotional regulation.

This is a hardware issue.

Not a discipline failure.

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHY GOING QUIET ISN’T “THE SILENT TREATMENT”

When trauma is triggered, blood flow decreases to Broca’s Area—the speech center of the brain.

Translation:

You literally lose access to language.

That “I can’t text back.”

That “I don’t have the words.”

That going completely quiet?

That’s not avoidance or punishment.

That’s speechless terror.

Your brain temporarily loses the physiology required to articulate complex thoughts.

Silence isn’t cruelty here.

It’s biology.

*:•.•:*

🧠 ABOUT MEMORY GAPS & INCONSISTENCIES (THIS MATTERS)

Trauma disrupts the hippocampus, which stores memory in linear order.

That’s why survivors remember events in fragments:

sensations, images, emotions—out of sequence.

This is often weaponized against victims:

“You said Tuesday, now you’re saying Wednesday.”

But here’s the forensic reality:

Inconsistent recall is a hallmark of trauma, not deception.

A calm, linear story is easier for a regulated brain.

A fragmented story is proof the system was overwhelmed.

.•:*:•.

🧠 STRUCTURAL DISSOCIATION (WHY YOU FEEL CONTRADICTORY)

C-PTSD often creates structural dissociation.

There’s:

• the ANP (Apparently Normal Part) — the adult you who understands everything

• the EP (Emotional Part) — the traumatized part holding the steering wheel

That’s why you can be:

Highly self-aware AND completely depleted.

Insightful AND frozen.

It’s not hypocrisy.

It’s two parts trying to survive the same body.

And what many people mistake for depression is often functional freeze:

high internal arousal with external shutdown.

You’re not numb because nothing’s happening.

You’re numb because too much is happening at once.

*:•.•:*

🧠 SMILING, AGREEING, STAYING PLEASANT (LET’S NAME IT)

That smile you put on when you feel unsafe?

That’s the Fawn Response.

It’s a biological submission signal meant to de-escalate a perceived threat.

It’s not manipulation.

It’s not being fake.

It’s your nervous system saying:

“Please don’t hurt me.”

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHY REST IS MISLABELED AS FAILURE

Western culture ties worth to productivity.

Sociology calls this the Productivity = Value fallacy.

But for trauma survivors, rest isn’t indulgent.

It’s neurological repair.

There’s also the sociological concept of the “Sick Role.”

People are allowed to rest when injuries are visible.

C-PTSD survivors are denied that role because their wounds are invisible.

You’re not “having a bad day.”

You’re injured.

And processing safety is work.

*:•.•:*

🧠 THE DEEPER WOUND: MORAL INJURY

C-PTSD isn’t just fear-based.

There’s often moral injury—a soul-level fracture that happens when someone who was supposed to protect you caused harm.

That’s why you see:

deep empathy + strong avoidance

wanting connection + not trusting anyone with access

You’re not antisocial.

Your trust center was shattered.

.•:*:•.

🧭 ABOUT THAT “DANGER” FEELING YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN

If you grew up in narcissistic or abusive systems, you likely developed exceptional pattern recognition.

Your body learned to track:

• tone shifts

• micro-expressions

• inconsistencies

• energy changes

• what isn’t being said

Your body knows before your brain does.

The conflict happens when empathy steps in and tries to override it:

“Maybe I’m wrong.”

“Maybe I’m projecting.”

“Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt.”

That’s not a flaw.

That’s a beautiful heart.

We’re not removing it.

We’re teaching it discernment.

*:•.•:*

🛠️ SMALL, SAFE WAYS TO START PROTECTING YOURSELF (ONLY WHEN YOU’RE READY)

No pressure. No urgency. No fixing.

Just options.

• Pause before responding—not to be polite, but to let your body finish its sentence

• Name sensations instead of stories (“My chest feels tight” is data, not judgment)

• Delay decisions—clarity doesn’t happen in threat

• Treat confusion as information, not failure

• Notice who requires you to override yourself to stay connected

• Use neutral exits (“I’ll think about it.” “I need time.”)

• Track patterns, not intensity—consistency tells the truth

These are learned slowly.

In micro-moments.

At your pace.

.•:*:•.

🧠 THIS IS A SKILL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAUGHT

People with emotionally safe caregivers learned this quietly:

when to trust themselves

when to slow down

when to walk away without explaining

If you didn’t learn it?

You didn’t miss something.

You survived something.

We start when we start.

Readiness decides the pace.

*:•.•:*

❤️‍🔥 FINAL TRUTH

You are not broken.

You are thawing.

You are integrating.

You are learning skills that were never modeled for you.

Your empathy is not a weakness.

Your sensitivity is not a liability.

Your awareness is not too much.

It just needs protection.

And you get to learn that slowly, safely, and on your terms.

I see you.

I believe you.

And you’re doing better than you think.

And some music to add in:

I would love to find a quiet, dark club that hires 3-piece jazz ensembles. Used to be one here in town I would hibernate in – in one of those old 70’s style malls. Got torn down, bought out and eventually turned into office buildings for the corporate hospital system. I really miss live music like this. Makes me happy inside.

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

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