Time. Time is moving so fast now. I was thinking of everything I still wanted to do today. Dinner. Order a book for my girl. Walk. Vacuum. Laundry. I managed to get it all in – including making a blueberry pie from scratch in 8 minutes. No joke. I surprised myself.
Lots going on. Let’s get to it.
๐
Victoria
*********
What are the odds? Moving about GREENLAND coming up this Friday the 9th:
Anniversary of when he left this place – 1.7 (17):
- Vessel had been renamed and registered under Russian flag
- Seizure took place in the Atlantic, near Iceland
- Pursuit of vessel was part of US pressure campaign on Venezuela
- Seizure took place days after capture of President Nicolas Maduro
- Coast Guard also seized another Venezuela-linked tanker
UPDATED:
Venezuela Updates: U.S. Forces Seize Two Tankers; Rubio Lays Out Plan for American Control
https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01/07/world/venezuela-us-trump
The New INVERTED Pyramid. Flipping the script – literally. A lot of meat, butter, eggs, fruits and veggies. The body NEEDS protein to build strong bones, muscles, tissue, etc. When I made just one switch from toast and cereal for breakfast to eggs, butter and bacon? I lost the 20 lbs I had not been able to lose. That was the only change. And I felt better – no carb crash.
https://understandingwar.org/research/middle-east/iran-update-january-7-2026
US is getting ripped off. Current market price in USD in China:
There are MANY homes around here corporate-owned:
January 11, 2026 = 1/11/10 or 1/11/1 or 11.11
The Red Folder:
Some interesting theorizing. It will happen when it happens…
MN
Current feeeeeeeeeels:
(she does such amazing work – no fancy titles – just a woman who has been there):
Ashley Nicole
THE โQUIETโ SYMPTOMS OF C-PTSD (THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO MISLABEL)
(Youโre not lazy. Youโre not dramatic. Youโre not broken. Youโre thawing.)
Letโs talk about the parts of C-PTSD no one warns you about.
Not the flashbacks people expect.
Not the panic attacks they recognize.
Iโm talking about the quiet symptomsโthe ones that get mistaken for personality flaws, laziness, moodiness, or โyou just need to try harder.โ
Spoiler: youโre not failing.
Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive.
.โข:*:โข.
WHAT โQUIETโ C-PTSD ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE (DAILY LIFE EDITION)
C-PTSD doesnโt always scream.
Sometimes it whispers.
It looks like:
โข bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesnโt fix
โข delayed emotional reactions (you feel it days laterโฆ or not at all)
โข zoning out without realizing you left the room mentally
โข constant self-doubt even when you know youโre capable
โข executive dysfunction (you want to do the thingโฆ the body says โnoโ)
โข not being able to sit still OR not being able to move
โข chores piling up because your brain is already at capacity
โข avoiding texts, calls, or conversationsโnot because you donโt care, but because you donโt have the bandwidth
โข smiling on autopilot while feeling completely disconnected inside
โข masking to survive (and no, not the same kind narcissists do)
โข contradiction: high insight + low energy, deep empathy + strong avoidance
None of this means youโre broken.
It means your system learned to conserve energy in an unsafe world.
*:โข.โข:*
THE NEUROSCIENCE PART (WHY THIS ISNโT A CHARACTER ISSUE)
This is where the dots connect.
When people call trauma survivors โlazy,โ what theyโre actually witnessing is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.
This is part of Polyvagal Theory and itโs not optional.
When fight or flight failed repeatedly, the nervous system pulls the emergency brake.
The body enters a hibernation-like state to preserve life.
You cannot willpower your way out of it.
You cannot โpush throughโ a shutdown state.
Your body isnโt refusing to move.
Itโs protecting you.
That exhaustion sleep doesnโt fix?
Thatโs HPA-axis dysregulationโthe system that manages cortisol and adrenaline.
When your body has been marinating in stress hormones for too long, the receptors burn out.
This is physiological depletion, not a motivation problem.
Executive dysfunction and zoning out?
Thatโs the Anterior Cingulate Cortex being impactedโan area responsible for attention, task-switching, and emotional regulation.
This is a hardware issue.
Not a discipline failure.
.โข:*:โข.
WHY GOING QUIET ISNโT โTHE SILENT TREATMENTโ
When trauma is triggered, blood flow decreases to Brocaโs Areaโthe speech center of the brain.
Translation:
You literally lose access to language.
That โI canโt text back.โ
That โI donโt have the words.โ
That going completely quiet?
Thatโs not avoidance or punishment.
Thatโs speechless terror.
Your brain temporarily loses the physiology required to articulate complex thoughts.
Silence isnโt cruelty here.
Itโs biology.
*:โข.โข:*
ABOUT MEMORY GAPS & INCONSISTENCIES (THIS MATTERS)
Trauma disrupts the hippocampus, which stores memory in linear order.
Thatโs why survivors remember events in fragments:
sensations, images, emotionsโout of sequence.
This is often weaponized against victims:
โYou said Tuesday, now youโre saying Wednesday.โ
But hereโs the forensic reality:
Inconsistent recall is a hallmark of trauma, not deception.
A calm, linear story is easier for a regulated brain.
A fragmented story is proof the system was overwhelmed.
.โข:*:โข.
STRUCTURAL DISSOCIATION (WHY YOU FEEL CONTRADICTORY)
C-PTSD often creates structural dissociation.
Thereโs:
โข the ANP (Apparently Normal Part) โ the adult you who understands everything
โข the EP (Emotional Part) โ the traumatized part holding the steering wheel
Thatโs why you can be:
Highly self-aware AND completely depleted.
Insightful AND frozen.
Itโs not hypocrisy.
Itโs two parts trying to survive the same body.
And what many people mistake for depression is often functional freeze:
high internal arousal with external shutdown.
Youโre not numb because nothingโs happening.
Youโre numb because too much is happening at once.
*:โข.โข:*
SMILING, AGREEING, STAYING PLEASANT (LETโS NAME IT)
That smile you put on when you feel unsafe?
Thatโs the Fawn Response.
Itโs a biological submission signal meant to de-escalate a perceived threat.
Itโs not manipulation.
Itโs not being fake.
Itโs your nervous system saying:
โPlease donโt hurt me.โ
.โข:*:โข.
WHY REST IS MISLABELED AS FAILURE
Western culture ties worth to productivity.
Sociology calls this the Productivity = Value fallacy.
But for trauma survivors, rest isnโt indulgent.
Itโs neurological repair.
Thereโs also the sociological concept of the โSick Role.โ
People are allowed to rest when injuries are visible.
C-PTSD survivors are denied that role because their wounds are invisible.
Youโre not โhaving a bad day.โ
Youโre injured.
And processing safety is work.
*:โข.โข:*
THE DEEPER WOUND: MORAL INJURY
C-PTSD isnโt just fear-based.
Thereโs often moral injuryโa soul-level fracture that happens when someone who was supposed to protect you caused harm.
Thatโs why you see:
deep empathy + strong avoidance
wanting connection + not trusting anyone with access
Youโre not antisocial.
Your trust center was shattered.
.โข:*:โข.
ABOUT THAT โDANGERโ FEELING YOU CANโT EXPLAIN
If you grew up in narcissistic or abusive systems, you likely developed exceptional pattern recognition.
Your body learned to track:
โข tone shifts
โข micro-expressions
โข inconsistencies
โข energy changes
โข what isnโt being said
Your body knows before your brain does.
The conflict happens when empathy steps in and tries to override it:
โMaybe Iโm wrong.โ
โMaybe Iโm projecting.โ
โMaybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt.โ
Thatโs not a flaw.
Thatโs a beautiful heart.
Weโre not removing it.
Weโre teaching it discernment.
*:โข.โข:*
SMALL, SAFE WAYS TO START PROTECTING YOURSELF (ONLY WHEN YOUโRE READY)
No pressure. No urgency. No fixing.
Just options.
โข Pause before respondingโnot to be polite, but to let your body finish its sentence
โข Name sensations instead of stories (โMy chest feels tightโ is data, not judgment)
โข Delay decisionsโclarity doesnโt happen in threat
โข Treat confusion as information, not failure
โข Notice who requires you to override yourself to stay connected
โข Use neutral exits (โIโll think about it.โ โI need time.โ)
โข Track patterns, not intensityโconsistency tells the truth
These are learned slowly.
In micro-moments.
At your pace.
.โข:*:โข.
THIS IS A SKILL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAUGHT
People with emotionally safe caregivers learned this quietly:
when to trust themselves
when to slow down
when to walk away without explaining
If you didnโt learn it?
You didnโt miss something.
You survived something.
We start when we start.
Readiness decides the pace.
*:โข.โข:*
FINAL TRUTH
You are not broken.
You are thawing.
You are integrating.
You are learning skills that were never modeled for you.
Your empathy is not a weakness.
Your sensitivity is not a liability.
Your awareness is not too much.
It just needs protection.
And you get to learn that slowly, safely, and on your terms.
I see you.
I believe you.
And youโre doing better than you think.
And some music to add in:
I would love to find a quiet, dark club that hires 3-piece jazz ensembles. Used to be one here in town I would hibernate in – in one of those old 70’s style malls. Got torn down, bought out and eventually turned into office buildings for the corporate hospital system. I really miss live music like this. Makes me happy inside.
ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com
CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144
