SONG MESSAGES:

I woke up hearing a new (beautiful) Joe Cocker song (new as in it isn’t a song that “comes” to me):  “Love lift us up where we belong.  Where the eagles fly.  On the mountain high.”

That’s it – just those lyrics.

Then I heard the start of a very annoying song I keep hearing but still feels like there’s something there – Billy Idol, White Wedding.  “Take me back home.”

That’s it – again, just those lyrics.

When in the garage I turned on the radio and hear Boston sing “Let me take you Home tonight.”

My mate is a coin hunter.  He’s been looking for a particular coin for years to complete a collection.  Today – he found it.

We have lived in this neighborhood for over 10 years.  In that time, there are two homes I have been “drawn” to in terms of wanting to see who lives there.  I have never seen the people.  Today – on a walk – passing by the first house I see the little white car start up in their carport.  “Oooooh,” I thought, “I’m finally getting to see who lives there and drives that car!”  The car pulls out – it’s a woman – older woman – she smiles, I smile back.

Then we pass by the second home and I see the people who live there – husband and wife – older – sitting outside on the side of their yard.

FINALLY, I thought then heard the term “completion” in my mind.

Deep breath on that one.

Returning home, my girl and I comment on a chalk home we created a few weeks ago – inspired by Heartland – which represents HOME to us.  In spite of rain off and on during those weeks – including pouring at times, the outline of the home we drew remains.  

I can’t explain it.

Something is happening.

Something is changing.  Shifting.  Lifting.

Let me know if any of you are feeeeeeeeling the same.

Much love,

Victoria

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I almost didn’t garden much this year after the last few years (disappointment).  This year?  The colors and growth in our garden have been amazing!  We have had this particular dianthus plant for years and I have NEVER seen it this color or brightness.  The weather has been so cool and cold and rainy all spring – and still – our garden is looking like this.  We finally had 70’s today and sun.

These are a different color red this year too………

Snapdragons – which are fading in color.  They were the most vibrant pink I have seen in them (had this one for a few years too).

Sweet peas are growing like crazy.  The pic doesn’t really show the beautiful deep green w/the white or the brightness of the flowers.  I’ve been growing peas off and on for years and they have NEVER grown this large (and I’ve grown them in pots and in the ground).

And our strawberries??  We’ve had these plants (there are 2) for 3 years now?  4 perhaps?  I’ve had them in the ground to get some growth – and in pots – and nothing much happened – until this year.  Now they’re growing like wild!

After another week of trying to reinvent myself – attempting to do some crafts – or playing the piano – even making up a new tune – only to be left with this sense of absolute boredom and then depression as I thought “done it – need new”.  I hate this feeling.  I deeply deeply cannot withstand feeling this any longer.

So I thought – what is my vision of happiness.  This came through me – easily – and I share and ask you to join in with me and do the same – then collectively we can bring in our individual visions of what we TRULY WANT for ourselves – quickly and easily.

Now would be good.  Right absolutely NOW.

My eyes gather tears as I write this.  It is a vision that creates a longing so deep and so powerful that nothing other than what I see can soothe the longing.  I can smell the air as I typed this.  I can see and hear the ocean.  I feel the power of our magestic house I have seen for so long – sitting there – waiting for us.  I can feel the dirt on the road and hear the rustle of the pine needle branches softly dancing with the wind.  I can SEE it.  I can frigging see it SO EASILY.  Say “HOME” and all of this immediately and instantly comes to me – right there – so close.  SO DAMN CLOSE.  I’ve been seeing it for almost 20 years – each detail growing as the years here have passed.  I have pictures of the house and property here and there that I look at regularly.  I have phrases and words throughout the house – intentions – all that I look at and regulary.

This right here – THIS is it.

i want to sleep – i want to get up when i feel like it – i want to have easy meal prep – i want to look outside at the sunshine and know my beach is just a 5 minute walk.  i want to see my 5 acres pine forest around my property.  i want to soak in my huge tub or go for a walk on the beach then come back and soak in my outdoor mineral pool – all natural, build into the rocks on the property.  then i want to pick fruit off of one of my many fruit trees and bushes.  then use my hoverboard and go into town – check out some local music at the one club – maybe get a meal at the one mom and pop type restaurant i’ve seen.  hang with real people – real friends – invite them all back to our place – kids too – and have an outdoor firepit and watch the amazing night skies – the REAL universe – and smile as i watch my girl show her friends her horse – the kids laughing with one another – and give my nod of approval when they ask if they can take the horses to the beach for a beautiful summer stroll.

THAT is my happiness.

We have had an unexpected situation – household repair – which is going to cost around $500.  Any help is appreciated.  I would say more but am choosing to keep it simple and remain positive.  Thank you!

Love,

Victoria

Perpetual exhaustion – with brief interludes of bursts of energy to get the basics done – continues.  I woke up early morning with a very heavy heart – a longing – a deep lonliness.  Social deprivation has gone on far too long.  I feel like we’re prisoners in our home.  Unable to find real connection – and apprehensive to be around anyone who partook of the juice (had another experience last night which simply pissed me off as I had done my protocols and intended protection and felt 100% safe & fine – until it happened – I’m ok today).  It’s a challenge to keep sane now – especially with this one issue alone as many if not most seem to have no issue with this – making us once again misfits here.  There are a couple of groups I have found of people who experience the same sensitivity.  It’s sad to see how many even in this “awakening” movement dismiss this issue.  I could sure use a miracle right about now to bring us a new place and new tribe – real friends.  Doing the best we can for as long as we have doesn’t have the power it once did.  This family has been slowly starving for too long.  I don’t even feel putting myself out there the way I have is worth my time – certainly not when I do and nothing comes back to me.  You know the whole put out what you want and a door or window opens.  I get silence and “wait”.  Neither is ok with me now.  Neither.

Sorry folks for the downer but that’s how I feel now.  There could have been much more done to create real support networks for people like us.

Will share some interesting finds later.  Some gave me hope – but I need a lot more than hope now.  I need that miracle.  Or two.  Or more.

Love,

V.