Category: Daily Notes

My brother sent me a copy of an e-mail I sent him back in September of 1999 ~ 18 years ago.  I had opened up to him at the time about some of the visions I held for a different world/society/way of being.  At the time I was not sure how I would go about being part of such a movement.  It is interesting to me today to see my own words, in particular my thoughts on money in which I stated I had visions for a society without money.

18 years later and I have this site and I am witnessing a mass movement away from a monetary-based society.  What a divine gift, a moment of validation for not only my own visions I am seeing manifest, but to see how those visions have remained firm in my heart all these years.  I never gave up.

And I never will.

Here is an excerpt:

…really difficult for me in many ways to live in the world and do the normal thing.  work m-f.  marriage.  kids.  don’t get me wrong.  i want fulfilling work.  to marry again.  have a child.  but i’ve always felt this inner restlessness to do more – and to do it all MY way.  i completely believe and feel the thoughts and visions i’ve had can bring people together.  …  one is the elimination of money.  …  i’ve just always felt currency as we know it has got to go.  

So the schumann isn’t doing anything significant – after several days of 40hz plus spikes.

Must be catch-up time for I’m feelin’ the results today.  As KP put it – these upgrades sometimes create some physical pain (!!) and it is those times to visualize releasing whatever energy is stuck there.

Also received this message this morning (private message):  Love this quote from article .. “As you clear away dross of past history karma, and traumatic wounding, your zero point vacuum initiates new cellular growth ( electrons) in its place . All of existence originates as energy waves looping in coherence, storing quantum packets of electrical charge that materializes as physical matter ( spinning atoms) the electrification of matter produces creative renewal, self- generating VITALITY HEALTH AND WELL BEING” And so it is

Indeed!

This is certainly a baby-myself day.  Heat.  Stretching. Rubbing/massaging.  Grounding/earthing.  Lots of lemon water.  Going to the pain and visualizing/tuning in to see what’s there and releasing it.

And lots of movement.  My arms and legs want to move – some of this movement punching motions.

Growing pains in this Now moment.

So I decided to pack up the car with food, beverages, journals, phone and child to head to the park to clear my head ~ and most importantly (at the time) to be left alone in silence.

You know the saying.  Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

We arrive and for higher reasons, other mama’s were sort of “drawn” to me for conversation.  Not a typical experience for me when visiting the park.  After a couple of rather short conversations, I headed back to the picnic bench, intending to pull out my journal and write for a time before phoning one of my favorite peeps to talk to when I’m having a moment.  Another mama had sat down at the end of the bench on the other side.  She smiled as I sat down and asked if she was taking up too much space.  No, I said, smiling back.

Well next thing I know we’re engaged in this authentic, deep conversation about life and all things REAL.  I keep thinking “she looks so familiar” and turns out she was thinking the same.  She mentions she’s an LMT and that’s when it hit me – she was the last massage therapist I saw about two years ago.  I remember at the time wanting a quiet massage but instead the two of us chatted as though we had known one another previously.

Today the conversation was no different.  It was wonderful and blissful/magical in a way.  It was the kind of authentic connecting I CRAVE and NEED.  I even found myself sharing what had been bothering me this week.  While I am a pretty open-book when I am comfortable with someone, it is completely unlike me to share such details so soon like that.

Perhaps this is part of the New Earth.  There are no rules.  No judgments. No social “norms”.  We just let ourselves BE.  Allow ourselves to BE however we feel in the moment.

I happily await the continuation of the conversation with my new friend. It helped soothe my heart that was feeling the wounds of the old programmed thoughts of my worth.  It quieted my own judgments I still hold towards others as well.  And it reminded me I am never alone.

It was…perfect.

Oh, after having such a beautiful dream experience last night where I was in the new earth realm, connecting with others, absolutely no stress, no outside systems of control or power ~ waking up feeling so lovely and calm and peaceful.  The way I know I can and am desiring to.

But then stuff starts coming up.  I have had several experiences in just the last 3 days of people stepping all over my boundaries.  And yes I spoke up and asserted myself – but when does that stop trolls from making the initial intrusion?  I am quite a simple person in some ways.  I do not like intrusion or questioning.  I have stated verbally to those closest to me:  If you feel I need help or support, ask what I need.

Simple, right?

But this dynamic of some having absolutely no sense of boundaries asking their questions and when I either choose not to answer or supply an answer that isn’t of their liking, it still makes me want to fucking scream and punch someone’s lights out but good when my personal truth is not respected.  Again ~ask me what I need but never assume to know what is best or right for me.

I have been questioned about choices I am making.  I am an adult.  I am perfectly capable of communicating my needs.  I accept those who fall into the category of “family” (a term I use very lightly anymore) as they are.  It ain’t forthcoming back at me.  Again ~ want to help me?  Listen as I speak my needs.  If not, at this point in my life, shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.

The anger runs deep.  And I have to acknowledge her and give her a voice. For 48 hours I have silenced her with soothing words and by speaking thoughts of “do not let this trigger you – let it go – just let it go – we are beyond this – we KNOW the truth of who we are”.  Helps for a bit until it comes back up – this week it has come back up because I had another episode put into my experience late last night that brought up over 20 years of “stuff”.

All I can do is honor myself and let go of the new age spiritual dogma that turns a blind eye to the inner world of emotional repressed pain – or just pain alone – by using the tactic of soft silence – silencing the inner experience with pretty unicorns and love and light (false love and light).  I am completely aware of my “stuff” at this point.  I know what I need to do.  And I am also fed the fuck up with having anyone in my life who doesn’t honor me or respect me.  If you’re still knee deep in programming, especially when it comes to human relating, go away.

I feel the need to create a giant sign and wear it.  It will say something like “Old Victoria is no longer open for your business”.

In the meantime, purge this stuff, love it as I love myself.

And put on my “do not disturb grumpy cat” hat.

Onwards we go….

Victoria

This showed up on my social media feed.  It gave me chills as this morning I awoke and told my spouse that the timeline that was supposed to have been created 16 years ago has come full circle and we are back in “alignment” again.  Words don’t always suffice when trying to explain these things I feel, but this is as good as any I can come up with.  Then I see the words below an hour later.  

***

Interesting fact
Today is 911, Sept 11
11 years and 9 months ago today there were two hurricanes. One named Harvey and the other was Irma! They hit New York and DC causing a great deal of damage.
Is this the reverse 911 we have been awaiting? Food for Thought. 

I was speaking with a neighbor today who I haven’t seen since just prior to the eclipse.  We were sharing our personal experiences, each agreeing it was a magical beautiful moment and given it was something that reached people globally, the feeling of connection, of Oneness was palpable.  I told her how this was how we are supposed to be living – much more in Unity Consciousness, gathering together regularly, on our own, instead of waiting for some outside event to Unite us.

I was happy to see how she resonated with this.

So naturally I think “So why not do just that?”

Each week, each day, remember the Magic of that day and call it up.  And know others are doing the same.  Clap.  Giggle.  Hoot and holler.

Ever since that day, I have had such a strong desire to continue the experience, but not alone.  I want to BE in that state of magic – daily.  And I want to experience it with others.

Ideas?  Suggestions?

It’s like a new level of magic and connection was felt that day and oooooh how I want – how I need to be in that state with self and others.  How I am ready to Allow myself to have that experience.

Today after doing some food shopping, my girl and I walked to the park that’s across from the store.  There was a woman spinning fabric onto a wooden spinner.  Fascinating!  Well, for me.  I tried getting my girl interested in watching, but she was more intent on climbing the benches and playing in the trees.  So while she did that, I had the absolute delight in speaking with this woman and listen as she explained to me about the different fabrics she is working with.  I thought back to my feeble attempt at learning to sew when I was in junior high.  I received a C for effort (all the other girls received A’s).  I am much more open to my creative/crafty side today of course, having dove into that in my 20’s.  As I spoke with this woman, I began having a vision of spending my days doing such interaction.  Learning.  Creating.  Sharing.  We spoke of returning to some of the practical ways, sewing being one of them.  Crochet (another difficult task for me to “get” – even today).  Real connecting.  Heart-based creating.

Daily.  A way of Being instead of just a random experience we happen to encounter, Divinely guided by the Universe after buying chocolate and sauerkraut.

And so it was and is on this day, weeks after the eclipse, 9/9, which includes my ongoing thoughts/intentions for Irma and our human family in Florida.

V.

(naturally this song went through my mind as i drove home)

Taking them in and out.  Today had another PITA (pain in the ass) moment.  This one cost me $149.50.  And the new printer that was gifted to me is having printing issues (cartridge).  Mate also having a stress-related health issue at the moment too.

Deep breathes, Victoria.  The money will get replaced.

I began doing work with the Shaman ~ at a distance for now as she is out of town for a couple of weeks.  Have no intention of stopping that so Divine Abundance, Financial Blessings are forthcoming with much thanks.

Other than that, I awoke shaking – the whole cells vibing.  And had a couple of heart palpitations.  Solar blasts.  I was deeply exhausted but this little “expense” took up most of my day.  I did have a glimpse of the new earth this morning and there was some question about the house I have seen but I cannot recall what it was.  It was so fleeting – just as I wanted to know more the sounds of “elmo’s world” interrupted.

Ah…………..ok then………

The house has been saged.  Frankinsense, myrrh and copal resin is burning.  Dinner, cooked.  Child tended to (past couple of days has had mama occupied elsewhere).  And for now, I am done with any “doing”.  Being is the talk of the moment.

That is all for now.

Victoria

Chaos.

As Kauilapele says “PITA” moments.  Pain in the ass.

Our beautiful Gaia experiencing hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, displacing her beautiful people.

And yet here I am feeling frustration over a PITA moment that took up much of my time today.

I pause to reflect.  I know this moment brings up a couple of long-term issues that, to be quite honest, I surrender to.  I simply do not know how to resolve them any longer other than to bless them and accept myself as I am, and in doing so, be in a state of responding instead of losing myself in reaction.

And I look outside of my own world for some calm, grounding and humbleness.  I have shelter.  Food.  Warm bed.  People around me who care.

And for that I find some inner peace.

That is all for now.

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V.